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“That which is known by heart is what the heart knows.”
-Dennis Lennon.
This little quote is packed with profundity. And I think it can teach us volumes about helping our children to become friends.
We learn things “by heart” by constant repetition, right? Constant exposure to the same thing. And to whatever things we are constantly exposed, that will become “what the heart knows”.
I realize this will be difficult for some of you; but I cannot help but address it:
Our children will become like those they are most often around…adopting the worldview most consistently revealed to them.
And during their tender, formative years, peers have enormous influences over their character, attitudes and relationships. Even in small doses, a friend’s influence is very weighty, and must be carefully guarded by parents.
I can’t help but believe, even without an ounce of Scripture, by simple observation, that God intended our children to be mostly with their parents during their growing up years. I don’t mean “without friends”, of course; just that day in, day out, like the tomato plant that must be constantly staked, so our children must be tended if we desire to reap the tall, straight, thriving plant.
There was a time when peers were at least mostly being taught reverence, honor and obedience, and therefore, may have worked for one another’s good.
This is no longer the case. By and large, children are not being taught the commands of God, and have been left to themselves–the resulting product–FOOLS. (“A companion of fools suffers harm.“)
In teaching our children to be friends, it is logical to me that first and foremost they should be together most of the time!
And secondly, the constant care and training of parents toward “loving your neighbor as yourself”, as opposed to the opposite peer training of “me first”, yields much fruit.
We have even reminded our children that until they are friends, they are not ready to be friends with others. Love must work itself outward; once we are able to love those whom God has given us–which must be genuine love when it is accomplished, then we are privileged to be able to share that love.
We must also carefully watch the other influences to be “known by heart” through books, movies, etc. Truly, could there be a more practical guideline from Scripture than “whatever things are true, honest, just, pure, lovely, of good report–think on these things?
Deuteronomy 6 is nothing more than a command for parents to “brainwash” their children in the things of the Lord 😉 Morning and night, all through the day–“TEACH, TRAIN, LOVE, REMIND!”
1 comment
Time together is so important! When I was a working mom, I was so thankful that my 3 month old (when I returned to work) and my 4 year old were going to the same friend’s house to be cared for. They could see each other, my older one could kiss and hug on the baby, help her calm down, etc. I realized a friend who was returning to work would be sending her 4 year old and newborn to separate rooms all day at the daycare. They never even got to see each other!
Since we have been home, my girls have become so much closer! I love to see them be friends.