“And we must fix our eyes on the last picture our Lord every gave us…the all deserving King, knelt around those dirty feet, gladly, willingly denying Himself.”
It’s amazing how much motherhood is teaching me about one of the hardest concepts in Scripture…
“If any man would come after me, let him DENY himself, take up his cross (daily), and follow me.”
It’s just like Jesus to ask us to do something He knows we can’t do! And why? Because that leaves us completely dependent upon HIS strength and grace to walk in obedience. And that’s tricky; He requires obedience (my will) to the things He asks of me (His will), but it’s an obedience that can only be carried out through the strength He can give me.
And what if I don’t deny myself? What happens to me, my family, my church, community, neighborhood, world?
Look around and you will see. It takes the most tenuous of people to maintain his proper spiritual bearings among the bombardment of messages we receive each day.
As we might say in the south, “Cause honey, they ain’t tellin‘ you to deny yourself!”
Motherhood is a crash course of self-denial. And it’s hard. And this is what hit me as I thought about these things today.
The common notion (spoken or unspoken) that children are a burden, stems from nothing much other than, “children interfere with MY agenda”.
And my agenda may be nothing more than wishing it to be quiet around the house. My agenda may involve the wish to indulge myself half a day in a book; to go shopping on a whim; to focus on my career; to be able to vacation more easily or more frequently; to drive a nicer car…it could go on and on. If we were honest, we would have to admit that children largely infringe upon MY wishes.
And before we get too busy noticing how everyone else has fallen into this trap, we need to examine ourselves.
I’m guilty. I love motherhood, love my children, love, love, LOVE my job raising up an army of God. But in the daily grind…how often does my agenda not so gently embrace my children and their needs? Or my husband’s needs?
I can always tell when my priorities are getting confused. If I’m snappy with the children, I’ve noticed that it’s usually when I’m in the middle of something I want to do. And they’re “bothering” me.
Or there is an argument to handle…(please tell me someone else has ever said this!) and instead of dealing with the heart issues involved and really patiently, calmly training them to love, I say something ridiculous like Bill Cosby would say, “I don’t want anybody to ever touch anybody else in the house again for as long as you live here!”
We want a quick fix–even we who understand the tedious labor required in training our children and nurturing their little souls.
There are no quick fixes though! If there were, we could hurry and get back to indulging ourselves…and that’s counter productive to the business of denying ourselves.
We must keep laying down those things that we think we deserve. We must stop our ears to the the messages around us. And we must fix our eyes on the last picture our Lord every gave us…the all deserving King, knelt around those dirty feet, gladly, willingly denying Himself.
“He would save his life must lose it.”
14 comments
Kelly, I was reading from Jeremiah this morning, and I came across a passage that I am sure you must have read before, because I feel like you are carrying it out so fully in this blog.
Jeremiah 26:2 Thus saith the Lord; Stand in the court of the Lord’s house, and speak unto all the cities of Judah, which come to worship in the Lord’s house, ALL THE WORDS THAT I COMMAND THEE TO SPEAK UNTO THEM; DIMINISH NOT A WORD:
Kelly, I think a great tagline for your blog would be “Diminish not a word”
Thank you for speaking the truth, and thank you for diminishing not a word.
Ashley
Ouch. This is definitely the most PAINFUL part of mothering, for me. 🙁 It’s so scary to have so much demanded, and have to give so much.
I agree with you about being able to deny yourself daily with your family, especially in regards to children. I’m married, but I currently have no children.
When I was in my young 20’s (before I went to the university) I DID want children. I used to fantasize about having 6 children. When I entered the university, my attitude began changing. It was all about getting a career. Getting married and having families didn’t play a part in the university world. I was taught during these years that having too many children is not desirable, and that they require much time and responsibility. Therefore, I was under the impression that if a couple does not wish to have children because they can’t “handle it” for any reason that this was appropriate (at least in the eyes of society).
As the years rolled by, my thoughts of dreaming about 6 children went to 3, than 2 and then finally, “No thanks.”
My heart is still lingering in the “no thanks” zone, because it is very difficult to “change your tune” after you have been indoctrinated with feminist view points for most of your life. For the past 1 to 2 months, I have been lead to another view points about family and children through books, scripture, and other resources. Now, for the first time in my life, my feminist foundation is being “shook-up” and scaring the bee-gee-bees out of me! God is currently forcing me to deny myself, and I am being such a hot-hard-head!
I’m 39 years old, and the thought of denying myself to children and beginning motherhood at this late stage in my life is like, yikes! I guess that I still have a long ways to go, and still have a lot to learn.
I guess in closing, all I can say is this: DON’T WAIT to deny yourself to have children, or any gift that is a true blessing from the Lord. The longer you deny gifts from the Lord (such as I have in regards to children), the harder it will become to open yourself-up to whatever blessings the Lord has in store for you. And trust me girls, this is not a fun nor good place to be.
I know most who come here are homemakers with oodles of children (smiles) and do homeschooling, so I will add one more thing: Continue to be thankful that you get to work in your home with your children, and have a husband who can protect you and your children from this crazy world!
Housewifey (that’s what my husband calls me),
Mrs. Cindie
Ashley,
Jeremiah is one of my VERY favorites. Sometimes when I’m reading it, I just start saying out loud, “Yes, Yes, Yes!” It just resounds with me. (That’s why I sometimes scare my friends by wondering if I have the gift of prophecy 😉
Mrs. Cindie,
Wow…thank you for your insight. Hint of encouragement? I wouldn’t think it is ever too late to embrace children–especially as God shows you truth!
I needed this post badly today. Thank you so much!
I hear you–I feel like I could have written this post! My kids are much better behaved when I spend time with them and give them my attention. Too often I want to just check out a blog for a few minutes…
Kelly wrote “It’s just like Jesus to ask us to do something He knows we can’t do! And why? Because that leaves us completely dependent upon HIS strength and grace to walk in obedience. And that’s tricky; He requires obedience (my will) to the things He asks of me (His will), but it’s an obedience that can only be carried out through the strength He can give me.”
Oh, yeah. Glad you put the thought into words. Touched briefly on this in my blog today, but couldn’t do it justice. Thanks.
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Warmly Mrs M.
Word Warrior:
Thanks for your “hint of encouragement.” I will need to learn to put more faith in God and see where he will lead me in regards to children.
Another bit of encouragement – maybe. 🙂
I'm sure there are pros and cons to having children early AND late! Look at Isaac and John the Baptist – both of those sons were unexpected suprises for their parents late in life. While I have more energy, you have lots more experience with life itself. 🙂
And, my mom had me at 30 & my youngest brother at 40 and I honestly can't imagine life without him!
It takes courage to have a child at any point. 🙂 Denying yourself *is* one of the most difficult things to do. Right now my dad has extreme muscle and joint pain (we suspect MS) that is yet undiagnosed . . . right now my 16 & 18yo brothers still live at home and help mow the lawn and stuff or I don't know how my mom would manage when my dad has really bad spells. My mom is NOT a great example of denying herself and it has been really difficult for my dad to need her so much, but she is learning and growing bit by bit.
I'm not a great example of denying (or patience!) but I really am trying to learn and not just get mad when life is difficult, but to come through it with better character. I have not had the modeled in my life so sometimes it feels as if I'll never catch up!
Anyway, enough rambling. Do not be afraid of God's good things. 🙂
Blessings,
Ashley
http://www.homesteadblogger.com/Jonash2004
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Mrs. Crawford,
I have posted a portion of this article on my blog with a link back to your site.
Thank you for sharing your heart.
Mrs. Klause
http://www.clothedwithscarlet.typepad.com
Ouch. Great post and the truth hurts!
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