Do you ever have days when you really feel like a failure?
I had one yesterday. I have a number of small children, and although I want them to love their routine, I also want them to be flexible enough to go without it if need be.
After church, we ate lunch there. Then we sat through another 30 minute presentation by a missionary; then we drove to the hospital to visit a friend of ours who is in the trauma unit.
That’s when it happened. Granted, the kids were tired and half of them missing their naps. But still I’m thinking, “we can do this”. We waltz into the waiting room which was elbow to elbow with people waiting for visiting hours. We literally had to walk all the way through to the very back to find a seat.
Anyone who has more than 3 children know that we were a show-stopper simply by walking into the place. Heads are turning, mouths are gaping, and people are counting…but that’s nothing new.
I sit all the children down (hubby has gone back first to see our friend to assess the situation) and of course I’m aware that people are watching us (pride!!!) so I’m really hoping the kids are obedient.
The baby is screaming to be nursed by now, so if anyone wasn’t watching us before, they are now 🙂
I’m trying to get into a position to nurse discreetly when the two year old decides she wants to sit in my lap too. (Just to let you know, this child is, well, large–and as much as we love her little chubby cheeks (both sets :-), she takes up a whole lap.
So my oldest is trying to distract her, when I look up and realize my three year old boy thinks the pretty bright chairs and little round tables have been arranged for his amusement. He is grinning from ear to ear, and jumping from chair to chair! Yes, he is jumping! Now I don’t mean to sound boastful, but just so you’ll understand my mortification, we have taught our children to not stand on chairs. This child had just sat perfectly still for two hours at church. They are generally obedient children who just need reminders from time to time. But this!!!
And keep in mind, I’m nursing the baby, which prohibits me from getting up or utilizing my arms. (This is when you better have that voice command thing working right!)
In case the picture has left you…ROOM FULL OF PEOPLE STARING AT US, SCREAMING/NURSING BABY, LITTLE CHUBS WHINING AND FALLING ON THE FLOOR BECAUSE SHE CAN’T SIT IN MY LAP, AND JUMPING BEAN BOUNCING FROM CHAIR TO CHAIR.
But wait, it gets worse! As I’m clearly so distracted I can hardly breathe, I look up at the television in the corner of the room…I am horrified. Two of the children are fixated on it, not because of the content, but because they are not accustomed to watching a lot of TV and so they just gravitate to it when it’s on. There was a girl in a tiny bikini, and I wouldn’t dare to describe what she was doing–it was HORRIBLE!!!!
So, reflexively, I start shouting for the kids to look away. (I’m sure at this point, the rest of the waiting room and completely written me off for a lunatic).
And to top the whole thing off, about 30 minutes into the scene, I realized I knew the people across the hall!
The whole ordeal ended with our exodus to the parking deck, my husband having no idea of what just happened, and me adamantly protesting all the way to the car, “you are all getting spankings when we get home, and Aaron, we have GOT TO DO SOMETHING to prevent this from happening again!”
So today, look out! I have re-read my own child-training book !!! and am resolved to train the day away! (You can check out my book in the side bar–it really works if you actually do it!) Yesterday was a good reminder that training is an on-going thing…if we get sloppy at home, it will be magnified in public!
I am so obstinate, we may just traipse back to a hospital waiting room somewhere and do it all over tonight!
15 comments
Whew! LOL! That must have been embarrassing. I don’t know WHAT I’d do in a situation like that!
Question from one who’s never breastfed before: How do you nurse discretely? Do you use a blanket, or are you just good at keeping everything hidden?
The baby got a spanking!?? You start ’em young!
LOL I think the Lord is going to really bless you for visiting your friend in the hospital. But I’m glad that someday God willing you will be the crazy lady with seven very nice adult children who serve the LORD.
Mrs. C
Dear Kelly,
Just dropping by and wanted to tell you that my heart goes out to you! How I have lived there so many times!
Just as a little note–I find myself having to do the “training thing” over and over–especially as God has added to us little children over the years.
A little point of wisdom that God has shown me over the years is, just as we can’t “have it all”, we can’t “do it all”.
We go through seasons when we can and should be available to God for the work He needs done in the world. When our children are so little, if we are focusing all of our energy into keeping them loved, taught, cleaned and fed, then we are already doing His work.
It is often hard to come to this conclusion, since it is not a popular one, but when you do you will give a sigh of relief!
Your little children may need a little help in the training area, but as I read your story I couldn’t help but think about the day they had had! I know that people were watching you, but their opinion means little compared to God’s approval of you and what you are doing. If they had problems with the situation, then they either have never had children or were never children themselves.
God was doing a few things here; He was challenging the other adults to become more patient and understanding, and He was working humility in you–especially empathy towards other mothers in the same straights.
How do I know this? Because I am the mother of 14 children, the one that everyone scrutinizes and watches, and I have been humbled too many times to recall.
The scripture says that the fear of man is a snare, and it has been true for me. I have come to the conclusion that, as far as others opinions are concerned, they are immaterial. I teach my children to behave out of courtesy, but I will never be able to silence their negative views of me or what I am doing by having the most perfectly dressed, cleaned, mannered children in the world!
Small minds will be small; God is bigger than them all.
Kelly, I agree with ladyofvurtue, and appreciate her experienced wisdom to all of us.
You sound as determined as I am to have children who can, one day, be SELF-DISCIPLINED. My mother-in-law has always said I was very tenacious (sounds slightly more refined than obstinate, doesn’t it? 😉
Thank you for sharing your situation that sounds all-too-familiar to many of us. I definitely want to get your book.
I just got back from holiday shopping at two grocery stores, which included standing in the EXPRESS LINE for 40 minutes…with the five kids…who were very hungry…and it was passed nap time.
Sometimes I expect a little bit too much.
Feelin’ your pain…:-)
Kelly, I am in the middle of some re-training myself, spurred on by an embarrassing outing. I just wish I could see the need for re-training before the embarrassing outing has to occur.
Ashley
Thank you all for your encouragement…Lady of Virtue–great words of wisdom. You more experienced ladies have NO IDEA how refreshing and coveted your advice is!
As to breastfeeding discreetly…I use a blanket. It has always been very easy for me to do (except when everybody’s falling apart in the waiting room 🙂
My sweet children were much better today after a good night’s sleep! Still have a few areas though!
BTW, I know mothers who do take their children to public places for the sole purpose of training. Seems public is the safest place to test mom’s boundaries!
I am right there with ya. Been there… done that.. and probably will again.
My children are well behaved but when they get in public after sitting for a long stretch of time such as church… all bets are off as they say.
Thank you, Thank you! I am not alone! We’re undergoing a retraining session as well-for mama and the children! Consistency, consistency, consistency is the key. Thanks for the encouragement!
OH KELLY! How FUNNY!!!
Thank you for being so real. And because I know you personally, you DO have the best behaved children I’ve ever seen. But no mom, no children are perfect. In the words of Stonewall Jackson (our hero), “PRESS ON”!
I laughed as I read this because I have been there too. I had five kids, but might as well as had seven. I was also the oldest of 8, so have memories of that too!
You will survive!!
Hehehe, Kelly, if it’s any comfort to you, today I saw a mother with only one child in the hospital waiting room, and she couldn’t control her one child… so… it can happen to anyone!
I laughed too, as I have five and can just imagine the situation because I’ve SO been there! lol…
On the training topic, however, I’ve taken a much different tact (after years of following the Pearls, I should say).
I finally did some “down-n-dirty” Bible study and came away with a much different picture of “spankings” then I’d had before. I was so shocked, and, having “Pearled” my first kids from the time they began crawling, felt SO repentant, too! 🙁
For example, the so-called children that Proverbs talks about using the rod on…? Not actually children, and certainly NOT crawling/toddling babes. The Hebrew is “na’ar,” a specific word talking about teen-aged boys (young lions when they start sprouting their mane). That was really a surprise to me…! Here I’d thought I was being Biblical by training…but was I?
And what made me question the validity of spanking/training further was the way that God “trains” me.
He does not demand cheerful first time obedience from me. In fact, there’s even a parable Jesus told about two sons that directly conflicts with the idea that first-time cheerful obedience is a “must.” Seems like God was happy with SLOW-and-initially-whiney obedience! LOL…
Not denying that cheerful first-time obedience is nice, but it really made me question whether it was a good idea for me to be demanding something that God, the best Parent of all, doesn’t demand of me—–and for me to be “helping” my children through swats/spankings when God rarely uses physical force on me (seems like only for VERY big problems—most of the time the way God deals with me is through MUCH graciousness, coming alongside and helping me, step by step).
God shows me what a good Parent does when His kid is in a real mess. He sent His Son and died that I might live. To me, this goes against the heart of my former “swat ’em” training philosophy. I trained with good intentions (I thought that was God’s way), but I’m now mothering in a completely different way (still firm and consistant, but very slow to spank, very quick to get on the child’s level and consider how he is thinking, very quick to *help* the child in proactive positive ways).
Warmly,
Molly
LOL! I though I was the only one that happened to. Granted I don’t have lots of kids, but I have plenty of moments like that.
The real encouraging thing though is that even despite their misbehaviors, people still come up to me and say how good they were. My reaction often is “excuse me, did I just hear good come out of your mouth?” because my standards of “good” are so far above the worlds, but, it always makes the circumstances feel better!
I can only imagine…Anyway, I do want to address first time obedience also. I always thought it was way too rigid, way too grace-less. I didn’t believe in it, although I would generally consider myself a strict disciplinarian. Do you know what I discovered after raising (in the process) six children (the oldest is 18)? I wish I would have conditioned them to first time obedience! I certainly would have yelled a lot less and gotten a lot less frustrated and tired out. I don’t want my children to remember me feeling frustrated and raising my voice, but that is what you generally get when you don’t require first time obedience. Sure, in an ideal world you want to gently train and take the time to lecture, but situations don’t always afford that luxury, like the waiting room incident. It’s a fact of life.
I have a couple of friends who have the most gentle, feminine, motherly dispositions and who require first time obedience from their very large families and it almost gives you chills to observe how beautifully obedient their children are on first command. No yelling, nagging or repeating things over, just beautiful, cheerful, immediate obedience. I wish I would have done that, and have been working to try to instill that in my younger children. Even my older children see the wisdom as they try to help and guide the younger ones. It’s a whole lot less frustrating. By the way, where is the book you mentioned? I don’t see it in the sidebar and didn’t see it under “products” button.