Category:

pregnancy/birth control

Mama, Do You Like Your Children?

by Kelly Crawford September 18, 2010

written by Kelly Crawford

I stood talking with a woman at the checkout and her 5-year-old was climbing first up her leg, then squealing, then dropping to the floor, still holding her mother’s arms, jerking her downward, demanding to be picked up, running round and round while the mother’s face grew more tense, trying to focus on our conversation–both of us attempting to ignore the giant elephant of this demanding child.

“I have two and I’m exhausted”, she said. “They’re wild.”

Wild. Her words played back as I drove home. The lady appeared to be a Christian–I know at least that she attended church regularly.

Lately it seems that I see too many mothers not enjoying their children. Some of them say so right out loud. They scramble to go places, to find activities to entertain them. It seems impossible to them to just be at home for any length of time with their children, playing, hanging out, soaking them in.

Just being….something, I think maybe children need more than anything.

What is the problem?

I sit frozen at my computer after typing that question. I think of so many things, intertwined, reciprocating, and it’s impossible to make a list.

I think of mothers and fathers who simply lack the wisdom and understanding of basic child-training. I think of a new wave of parenting among Christians that shames parents for even believing that the Bible teaches they have authority over their children. What do we do with that?

I think of parents too busy to engage in child training if they did understand it; too consumed with other pursuits to roll up their sleeves and perform the arduous task of raising children.

I think of how the birth control mentality we embrace inadvertently distorts our view of children and makes them a burden before they even arrive.

I think of the sheer lack of time parents spend with their children that hinders the natural friendship and affectionate bond that should exist which draws us to enjoy them.

I think of our addiction to entertainment and distraction and how it destroys family relationships.

I think of so many organizations that subtlety pull the already-fragmented family in different directions–physically, emotionally and spiritually.

I think of a century of feminist dogma that convinced us that motherhood was peripheral, at best, and not worth our full attention.

I think of the utter death of the “Christian soldier about my Father’s business” in the 21st century.

And I think of how all these factors become a vicious cycle that reaffirms our decision to stop having children–godly offspring that were intended to “speak with the enemy in the gates”.

I think of apathy among Christians, and a lack of theological depth and a flippant belief system.

What we believe affects how we live.

And if we believe that “it doesn’t really matter–this way or that, whatever works for you” we all end up swirling around in this cesspool of confusion and consequences from rejecting the wisdom of God.

Yep, I knew I wouldn’t be able to stick with “Do You Like Your Children”.

Everything’s connected. It’s about our whole world view.

That’s my life message.

And we’re going to have to do a lot of rewinding to get to liking our children again.

September 18, 2010 4,857 comments

motherhood/family/parenting pregnancy/birth control

Raising Children: My Spaghetti-Smeared Generation

by Kelly Crawford August 15, 2010

written by Kelly Crawford

Farmer holds a few ordinary seeds in his hand.

But he doesn’t see seeds. He also doesn’t see, or rather, doesn’t dwell on the work he’s about to give himself to.

OK he does see the seeds, and dirt, and sweat and weeds. But it’s what lies beyond the seeing….it’s the VISION.

He really sees a swelling harvest from that handful of humble seeds–a miracle he really can’t fully understand.

He sees results of his labor and the fruit of his hands and the many who will be blessed by it for years to come.

Because next year, his seeds will yield more seeds.

And some days he’ll be scratching in the dirt and sweating and seeing nothing but weeds. But he knows what’s underneath if he’ll only persevere, and he has the FAITH required to believe it will burst forth from the ground.

Someone asked me how I could be excited about a ninth baby.

“Because I don’t see a baby.”

Well, yes I do, and he/she is magnificently more wonderful than a handful of seeds!

But I see more than a baby.

I see a harvest…the fruit of our love, the physical reminder of “two becomes one,” the labor of our hands through the years, a heritage, for me, from my Father.

My vision goes beyond that sweet little face and all the messes I know I will clean up, and the mid-night feedings that aren’t easy, the squabbles and the stains on the furniture, the tears and laughter, and the days I just want quiet…

There’s a whole generation underneath that spaghetti-smeared face that’s been given to me.

And it’s worth it.

And I want to be here when the harvest is fully ripe….

But I won’t.

Because the seeds we plant now will grow beyond us and the harvest will become unable to be measured.

So I will keep pulling the weeds, planting the seeds, nurturing, watering, tending and praying for growth, thanking God for the miracles.

And I will have the FAITH to believe that His glory will burst forth.

August 15, 2010 48 comments

pregnancy/birth control

More on Birth Control and The Sovereignty of God over Life

by Kelly Crawford August 3, 2010

written by Kelly Crawford

On the coat tails of yesterday’s post, I thought some may be interested in perusing a few other posts that further delves into the topic of the sovereignty of God over life. Enjoy and feel free to come back and discuss!

How Birth Control & Catheters are Related

The Church That Turns Visitors Away

Going Green With Everything Except the Womb

Is Birth Control the Church’s Business?

We Weren’t Born With It

Motherhood and Suffering: Is it a Sign?

Quiver-full by Default

Are We So Arrogant?

We Need More Arrows

August 3, 2010 12 comments

large families pregnancy/birth control

We Don’t Love Children, We Love Drywall

by Kelly Crawford August 1, 2010

written by Kelly Crawford

My brother and his wife just announced that they were expecting their third baby. (Welcome to the world of “the large family”, bro!)

Someone asked about our parents’ reaction to the news.

“Oh, they’re very excited!”

To which the (Christian) someone responded,

“They have 50 grandchildren and they’re still excited?!” (That was sarcasm, by the way; they have 14.)

We know the reality behind the joke–“more is only better if you really value the thing multiplying in your life.” Money, accolades, vacations–we can’t get enough. Cavities? No more, thank you.

We say we love children, but we don’t put our money where our mouth is. “How do you afford all those children?” This from those whose God has promised to provide for all their needs. All the while, we’re borrowing money for bigger houses and get high fives for that. As Kevin Swanson says: “We LOVE drywall!”

“The very analogy of Christian marriage is to demonstrate fruitfulness just as we expect the church to multiply and fill the earth. How can we wish for our churches to grow and our families to shrink?”

I’m not talking here of splitting hairs over the issue of birth control. It’s a bigger picture principle.

I’m asking,“Do we share the heart of God about children or don’t we?” Do we echo what Scripture says about a growing family? We’ve got to ‘fess up to the idea that generally speaking, Christians do not act like they believe in the blessing of children, nor do they act like they believe that God is the author of life. Because once we do, it changes what we say and how we live.

If we value life over material things (to which any Christian would attest), why don’t we live like it? Or talk like it? After all, we don’t call ourselves “pro-some-lives Christians.”

Isn’t it reasonable to assume that we welcome more of what we value?

Conversely, it’s reasonable to assume that we try to avoid things that we don’t value, or that cause us pain. That’s why we take medication to get rid of headaches and have surgeries to alleviate unwanted ailments.

We want bigger tvs, more square footage, more cars, more vacations, more money, bigger houses–ALL things that will burn and rot. We will do anything for it. Work longer, harder, borrow money that isn’t ours, sacrifice relationships, even when it directly opposes the wisdom of Scripture.

But what of accumulating more of the only thing that is eternal?

“Keep your life free from the love of money, and be content with what you have.” Hebrews 13:5

We tend to ignore a lot of what the Bible says.

“Your wife will be like a fruitful vine within your house; your children will be like olive shoots around your table.”

If Christians believed this, what would their response to a large family really be?

Comment after comment reveals our abhorrence of multiplying children, despite what the Bible teaches to the contrary. We love one or two; after that, they decrease in value. And not just for our own families. We abhor it in other families. I know. I’ve seen their faces too many times. I’ve heard people take the Lord’s name in vain upon hearing how many children I had. I’ve seen them look at my other children with sympathy–my children who ask almost daily, “When are we going to have another baby?” I’ve heard them question how we’ll feed them, as if they’ve never read Matthew 6. These are Christians! They all want to know if I know how to stop *it*….that “horrid multiplying of those things we don’t want more of.”

(No, it’s not just a personal choice or an issue of neutrality; what we believe about children and the womb has profound implications for a society, and those who don’t conform to the “new standard” feel that lack of neutrality like no one else. It may be easy to believe that people think of birth control as a personal choice if you’re on the controlling end. But those of us who aren’t know better.)

Since the Bible compares the fruitfulness of the womb to vegetation, why don’t we apply our logic there: “Honey! We’ve got to do something! Our watermelons are growing prolifically–I mean there’s like 15 or 20 of them! What will the neighbors say? ” (Hey, don’t you know what causes that?)

And to think, we talk thus of eternal, immortal souls–not watermelons–that God has graciously given from His hand to populate His Kingdom for His glory.

We don’t turn visitors away from our churches. Is it because we are really concerned with more souls in the Kingdom? Because if that IS our main concern, there should be nothing more glorious to a saint’s ears than to hear that a Christian family has received another child to bring up for His glory–a treasure stored up for Heaven!

Is not a family the basic building block of a church? The very analogy of Christian marriage is to demonstrate fruitfulness just as we expect the church to multiply and fill the earth. How can we wish for our churches to grow and our families to shrink? It’s illogical.

Yet we find every reason under the sun to avoid growing disciples in our homes–and to help others avoid it as well. Shame tactics, scare tactics, insults, “advice” about being responsible ensure that the average Christian family will cut off the godly heritage before it’s “out of control”….hmmm…sounds like the work of an enemy to me.

As I’ve suggested many times before, the burden of proof shouldn’t lie upon those who receive their children.

Excited about another child or grandchild?

“Like arrows in the hands of a warrior…”

A Kingdom-minded Christian is!

August 1, 2010 223 comments

large families pregnancy/birth control

The Case For Siblings (When Mom Has Another Baby)

by Kelly Crawford July 30, 2010

written by Kelly Crawford

Loved this article…every word resonated.

“But everyone else seems to think that a new baby is bad for the other kids. Dozens of times, I’ve had strangers peer around my enormous belly to coo at the toddler, “Aww … now you won’t get to be the baby anymore.”

Thanks, lady. Thanks for informing my child that she’s suffering. Luckily, she doesn’t know what you’re talking about—and neither do you.”

Read the rest of The Case for Siblings

July 30, 2010 24 comments

church/children's ministry large families pregnancy/birth control

Children With Disabilities-Part 2: The Christian’s Response

by Kelly Crawford July 18, 2010

written by Kelly Crawford

Image from "DSALA"

Can we fully believe that children with special needs are used by God, perhaps in the profoundest of ways, to show us our deep needs and to present us with opportunities to serve “the least of these” and therefore Christ Himself? In a culture assuring us of our right to demand comfort and ease, we destroy ourselves as a people when we destroy these precious “imperfect” lives that keep us fully human. And the joke’s on the “perfect” us. Strong bodies, sound minds–yet so often spiritually depraved as a result of our bodily prosperity. As R.C. Sproul, Jr. said of his disabled daughter, “She is my spiritual better”.

Following up from Part 1 of Children With Disabilities, I thought the subject undone without a practical look at how the body of Christ should…no, MUST respond to these children and their families.

Adoption

I have been challenged to take an honest look at the subject of adoption. Most of us maintain that it is a “calling”, but sometimes I wonder how conveniently we use that word to relieve ourselves of any pressure or responsibility we might feel if we considered what is asked of all believers. Of course it’s not a reality for everyone. It doesn’t seem so for us at this very moment. But have we been open to the possibility? Have we trusted that God, if He wills, can provide in that area just like we trust Him to provide for those He gives us through the womb? Perhaps some were meant to adopt and others were meant to fund those adoptions. These are merely conversations we’re having that I think we all need to have.

Bearing Burdens

Secondly, I feel certain that helping families with special needs children is a command, inclusive in the command to share all of one another’s burdens. Frankly, the body of Christ at large seems fairly lousy at sharing one another’s burdens and the state has happily taken over that job. Will we give an account? I think so.

I’m an amateur at this conversation. Most of this post is just a random musing as I have not given this subject enough thought in the past. This would be a great time for those of you in the trenches to jump in and share what you perceive to be the most important way fellow believers can help in these situations.

Pro-Life Hypocrites

A concluding thought comes to mind about children–disabled or not–and what I believe the birth control culture within the church has done to make us “pro-life hypocrites”.

The same woman who gasped in horror at the young couple when she found out they were expecting their third child never offered a meal or a hand to relieve them. Does she really have a right, then, to flout her staunch opposition to abortion? If all the women in her church espouse this conflicting view, this young couple would be forced into an ethical corner were they to find out the Lord has blessed them with another child.

And what has this woman done to relieve the lives of the couple with a disabled child? Offered her best advice on birth control methods?

I submit that it’s time we draw a line in the sand of our own hearts. Are we truly pro-life? If so, it’s time to act like it.

July 18, 2010 42 comments

abortion pregnancy/birth control

More Thoughts on Special Needs Children and the God Who Creates Them

by Kelly Crawford July 16, 2010

written by Kelly Crawford

This thought-provoking comment comes from The Cottage Child, copied from the comment thread in part 1 of “Children With Disabilities.” She made two extremely valid points of which we need to be reminded. Thank you, Rachael.

“Another difficulty with this line of thinking, everything riding on physical perfection, is also why it’s become so incredibly expensive to have a baby period. (I realize lots of families have chosen home-birth, and I’m just going to tell you right now you’re better women than I am. 😉 )

But for those of us who are the standard ob/hospital delivery kind of gals, the pressure for endless testing (read: $$$$) begins from the minute you make the first appointment. If you are so brazen as to have children in your old age – say 37 – you’re pushed to have genetic testing sequences, amnio, multiple ultra sound screenings, and on and on and on. Politely decline most if not all, and watch the wave of contempt (I actually had a nurse roll her eyes at me) coming at you from every member of the staff. Hear the confused silence of the insurance company when you call to say “don’t pay that, they didn’t perform those tests” because many practices will attempt to bill them as a “package” for mid life pregnancies whether the tests are done or not.

Anyway, sorry for the mini-rant, but medicine itself is complicit in the obsession with “perfectly” healthy babies, with little regard for the deleterious effects much of the testing they do has on the baby (up to and including potential miscarriage), not to mention increasing the anxiety level of the mother. All presented as “so you can make the best decision for your family”. It’s more than a little creepy. I think a lot of it is dollar driven, but there’s an element to it that is trying to unravel the miracle – studied closely, the amazing part is that so many babies are born as we expect them to be.

I find it interesting that our current culture is CRAVING the hand-crafted stamp on everything right now – the imprint of the person who made an object is dear to us, it makes it special, unique,not cookie cutter or predictable. Everything, that is, except people. We can’t accept physical differences or disabilities as anything but less than the preferred standard. There’s no consideration that these differences are valuable or complimentary to us, forget beautiful, intentional even, in the sight of God. For a world bent on worshiping diversity, we don’t leave room, ultimately, for much but the superficial differences.”

July 16, 2010 30 comments

abortion pregnancy/birth control

Children With Disabilities: Perfect for Us: Part 1

by Kelly Crawford July 15, 2010

written by Kelly Crawford

“It doesn’t matter if it’s a girl or a boy, just as long as it’s healthy.”

Do you have any idea how loaded, how presumptuous that statement is? And we hear it all the time. I’ve said it myself.

Translation? “Only healthy children are a blessing”. And that’s not what God’s Word says.

Do you want to see the slippery slope of a seemingly minor, yet glaring ethical error?

Countless babies with disabilities are being aborted every year. Worse than that, women are encouraged, counseled and made to believe “it’s the best thing”! And that slope keeps getting steeper.

Because now we have to answer, “what’s a disability?” Statistics show that parents abort children with an extra finger, a club foot, a facial abnormality, etc.

This is not a new idea, though. Margaret Sanger unashamedly campaigned to eradicate, through birth control, “the defective and diseased elements of humanity”.

The logical results are upon us as we put to death millions of “the least of these”. And following that we find ourselves on the brink of genetic engineering (“I already have a brown-eyed boy, I want a blue-eyed girl.”) Once we started playing God, there’s no stopping.

At The Baby Conference, R.C. Sproul, Jr. shared a raw and heartfelt message about his little girl who has “smooth brain”. She is 13, wears diapers, must be fed and needs help walking. She also has violent seizures.

Paraphrasing his story:

“Her nickname is ‘Princess Happy’, because her smile is so big when I go to her bed each morning, that her eyes are nearly shut. I reach down and scoop that baby up in my arms. “Daddy made you pancakes, Shannon.” I remember Jesus’ words…”I was hungry and you fed me…inasmuch as you did it unto the least of these, you did it unto Me.”

I look at Shannon again and I can’t believe the God of the universe would give me this opportunity to minister to Him…every day. That he would tell us ‘Unless you become like little children, you cannot enter the Kingdom of Heaven’, and here, Shannon is so innocent–she is my spiritual better, constantly showing me so much about the Kingdom. I beg the Lord, “Please, please don’t take her.”

We don’t just break the heart of God when we kill these little babies who are less than perfect, but we rob ourselves of perhaps the greatest means God would use to show us His Kingdom, to keep us tender, to give us opportunity to minister to Him through the least of these, to allow us to embrace the cross of suffering and show the world the very picture of His mercy on us. God’s perfect plan for us involves imperfection. He has always delighted to use the weakest among us to demonstrate the greatness of Himself.

Our culture says “avoid hardship, eliminate suffering“. We buy it, banish all sympathy for the child that will die to make a mother’s life easier, then use sympathy for ourselves to justify our heinous act.

Jesus Christ says, “Rejoice in your sufferings…”

God have mercy on us for our cruelty and ignorance.

God help us to say, “It doesn’t matter. God is sending us the perfect child.”

July 15, 2010 59 comments

large families motherhood/family/parenting pregnancy/birth control

Reasons I Don’t Want to Have a Million Children

by Kelly Crawford July 8, 2010

written by Kelly Crawford

Interview between Holly Elliff and Nancy Leigh Demoss

Holly:

“And I remember vividly the day he (husband) came out of his study and said, ‘God has just given me the neatest mental picture of someday sitting on my front porch and looking out and seeing scores of children out there. And we have every temperament type represented. And we have every spiritual gift represented. And our children know how to relate to everybody in the world because they lived with all different types of people.’

And he had this wonderful vision of what it would be like and I immediately said to him, ‘Well, that’s very easy for you to say because I’m the one wearing the stretch pants for the next 20 years. And I’m sorry, but I just don’t want to go there.’ ”

And I really did not want to go there. It was a very frightening thing to me to think of taking my hands off that control in my life. And it took me about six months to work through what I believed the Bible said about that whole issue. And I became an avid student of God’s Word and just began to search the Scriptures for every reference to children, to children as a blessing, to God’s sovereignty in that area as far as opening and closing the womb and looking, honestly, for a way to avoid releasing that area in my life because my preference at that point was not to relinquish that area to the Lord.

As I did that, over and over and over, I found the same things: that God was the Creator of life, that God knew who He wanted to create, He knew what we were going to look like, He had a plan for every person–that it was all His business. It was not what I wanted to find in the Scripture, but that’s what I kept encountering. And I remember vividly one night sitting down at my kitchen table with a legal pad and a sharp pencil and making a list. And at the top of the list I wrote, “Reasons I Don’t Want To Have A Million Children.” And I began to make a list of all the objections I had to what I was seeing in God’s Word.

Everything I had on the list was rooted in selfishness. It came down to whether or not I was better at making decisions than God was. And it suddenly became very clear to me that this was a heart issue, at least in my life. It was a matter of me choosing, just like I said…God was Lord in every other aspect of my life.

We prayed through what to do with our money, we prayed through where we were to pastor. When we bought a car, it was a huge issue that we prayed about and trusted God to give us direction. But in this area it was as if we had said, ‘This area is ours to determine and we will make this decision.’ And for the very first time I was confronted with the fact that I had never really said to the Lord, ‘What is Your will?’ ”

Nancy responds:

“And really, again, we’re saying this is the fundamental issue of life, Is Jesus Lord of every area of my life? And I like the way you made that so practical because you said, ‘We went to the Lord and said, ‘Lord, what do you want us to do in this area of our lives?‘ And the fact is, you and I are not totally free until we have released ourselves, our lives, our future, our marital status, our childbearing, every aspect of our lives fully to the control of Jesus Christ. And somehow, when we come under His control, then we find that we really are free.

July 8, 2010 161 comments

large families pregnancy/birth control

The Religion of Self: Choosing Childlessness

by Kelly Crawford June 23, 2010

written by Kelly Crawford

Interestingly, with this topic heavy on my mind this week, one of my readers sent me a link to a horrific site, which I won’t link to–a site that promotes a “lifestyle of childlessness”.

Of course what was blaring to me as I stared at the “top 100 reasons not to have kids” was how diametrically opposed each reason was to the life of a Christian. Well, that’s mild. In truth, here was a false religion of self-worship, just as God has hated and warned against from the beginning. As I ponder a lot lately the “disease” of a self-centered culture and all the implications, there it was, staring from my computer screen, making no apologies anymore–“WORSHIP YOURSELF”.

Worse though, is that extreme as a site like this may seem to us, a careful look at it reveals hints of camaraderie many believers share regarding thoughts about children. (“How will you….with those children?”) Let it not be.

(In fact, and I’m not trying to get flamed for this but…there is little difference, really, in “childless by choice” and “childless by choice after two”. The premise is very close.) (Intended as a general observation, not a definitive statement for every family in every circumstance.)

Sometimes it takes an extreme look at where we are headed to reveal the errors in the way we are getting there.

Here are a few reasons the site gave for not choosing children:

1. You will be happier and less likely to suffer from depression.
2. (Assuming you get married), you will have a happier marriage.
3. You will have the capacity and time for meaningful, engaged, quality adult relationships.
4. You will be able to save for a comfortable retirement.
5. You are more likely to be an engaged and involved aunt or uncle because you are not jaded and worn down by your own kids.
6. You can fully pursue and develop your career.
7. You can fully pursue your educational goals.
8. You can decorate your home as you wish with as many beautiful and/or breakable things as you wish and you will not have to child-proof your house.
9. Your house will be free of junky, plastic kindercrap.
10. Your spouse will get all the love and attention he/she deserves. You will come first in your spouse/partner’s life.
11. Your pets will get all the love and attention they deserve.
12. You can eat whatever foods you wish at whatever time of the day you wish out in the open, whether it be a gourmet, exotic meal, or chocolate chip cookies.
13. You never have to yell, scold, correct or punish anyone (assuming your spouse and pets are well-behaved 😉
14. Your home will be a quiet and welcoming oasis, instead of a chaotic zoo.
15. Your identity will remain firmly intact.
16. You will enjoy personal privacy.
17. You will get a full night’s sleep every night.
18. You will have the time and energy to exercise regularly and take care of your health and appearance.
19. You will stay informed and engaged in current events and will remain an interesting conversationalist.

“Show me Your ways, O, Lord, teach me YOUR paths.” Psalm 25:4

June 23, 2010 131 comments

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