Home Uncategorized Babies Come…You Want Me to Explain It?

Babies Come…You Want Me to Explain It?

by Kelly Crawford

Seems no matter what I know about the jaded attitude toward children within the body of Christ, I can’t get over it. Not that I can’t get over people who don’t have more children. What I can’t get over is the repulsiveness, sometimes blatant, other times subtle, demonstrated over large families.

And let me clarify–the attitude is not toward the large family, meaning, each member present. It’s always over the announcement of another…”WHAT?!” Just that one little word…Shock? Disgust? Mouths hanging open, apparently not knowing “what causes that”.

Then the tumbling of inappropriate meddling into the private life of the couple.

I’m not sure I’ll ever be OK with it.

Why? I guess because I’m a really rational person. Totally practical. And when I apply that rationale to marriage, God’s design and the family, I just don’t think that repulsion is the right response for Christians given what we know about God.

Pleasant surprise? Sure, in this era, unfortunately. But not disgust.

I guess it bothers me because I don’t think people think.

A garden. It’s meant to bear fruit. Seeds are planted, rain comes, sun comes, and God does a supernatural work under that soil that we can’t explain.

And no one scratches his head!!! Can you imagine…”Good gracious, CORN! Everywhere, corn!”

Marriage. God said “become one”. It’s natural. Then, babies come. It’s natural. And then the ones who let them come–freaks!

I’ve asked the question before…but why do I need to explain what my body does all by itself? I don’t have babies. Nor does my husband. We don’t choose it, we don’t plan it, it is as natural an extension of our marriage as any other function of my body.

It’s supernatural. It’s not a construction that we have to first “count the cost” before pursuing. It is given to us quite without our consultation.

Why must I explain why I don’t do something to my body that is unnatural, to prevent what is natural from happening?

I’m not fussing at those who do…just wondering why we’re so often put on the “explaining” end.

(A Christian woman who recently overheard that someone was expecting again and thought it was me…”UGH!” she said.) If you’re curious what sparked my “rant”.

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Jennifer November 18, 2008 - 12:05 am

Woohoo! Amen! Preach it sister! 😉


The Whites November 18, 2008 - 12:41 am

I don't get it either!!! My husband and I are very young by today's standards (21) & feel very strongly on not inhibiting God's blessings. I can only imagine what people will be saying about us. I'm sure some already are questioning whether this was planned (we've actually only been asked once- and that was buy a total random stranger) and we are just expecting our first! I don't know why it seems like there are so few of us out there when it makes so much sense!! Someone needs to educate these people. 🙂

Ace November 18, 2008 - 1:22 am

I have NEVER EVER understood why it is anyone else’s business, unless you are asking THEM to feed your kids. And I will never understand why anyone feels the need to say this to God Fearing families who are caring for their children, yet the same people who comment either have kids who are out of control or wouldn’t think to meddle in someone elses’ business.

Their Loss.

Many Blessings 🙂

Anonymous November 18, 2008 - 2:12 am

I don’t care how many kids you have but you ARE impacting all of us via global warming.

Oh wait…you don’t believe in global warming. I see. But you do believe in Creationism? And you are…practical?

Hmm. Okay. Sure.

Anonymous November 18, 2008 - 3:41 am

I thought you were going to say you were expecting! And I’d just say “congratulations.”

I absolutely cannot believe how people – especially Christians – would stick their nose where it doesn’t belong and say things like this about people having babies! My goodness!

The poster above (Ace) had a great comment and I agree with her 100 percent.

God bless you and yours — Lisa

Kim M. November 18, 2008 - 7:37 am

Regardless of what anyone may say or think, be encouraged!!!! 🙂

“Children are an heritage of the Lord: and the fruit of the womb is His reward”

Psalm 127:3

Delilah November 18, 2008 - 7:47 am

I understand exactly how you feel. I love children and I want as many as God will allow me to have. My mother had the nerve to tell me after 3 children I do not “need” any more children. But of course she would say that since she gave me and my sister to my grandmother to raise. I do not ask my family for any help, but they still feel they have a right to say something. I just found out we are expecting number 4(after 2 years of infertility and problems). My family are actually all excited this time because they have seen what I have been through. But next time who knows.

Anonymous November 18, 2008 - 7:59 am

I’m not here to argue since I think ALL children are a blessing. However I have thought oh no, not another one about a friend of mine. Why? She has 11 children and the 2-3 oldest do most of the work around the house. She doesn’t homeschool so she should have some time to do things herself as she only has 2-3 at home during the day. When another baby is announced the oldest are heartbroken. They are unable to do after school activities or get a part time job because they need to get their work done around the house. The husband makes supper quite often and as much as I love this woman I can’t help but think she is not much more than a baby machine. She has them and then it’s time for the rest of the family to serve her. This is a Christian family and I have to say that I don’t believe God intended it to be this way.
I know many large families function much better than this example but it has jaded me a bit. It’s just sad when your older children are counting the days until they can move out so that they can have a life.
One last thing before everyone thinks I’m completely awful, I always wanted 8 kids but God has seen fit to bless us with only 2. However, even though I’m getting a bit older I would gladly welcome any more that the Lord would give us!

Mrs. Anna T November 18, 2008 - 8:01 am

“A garden. It’s meant to bear fruit. Seeds are planted, rain comes, sun comes, and God does a supernatural work under that soil that we can’t explain.

And no one scratches his head!!! Can you imagine…”Good gracious, CORN! Everywhere, corn!”

:o))) Hahaha… what a perfect analogy! So funny and true.

Lori November 18, 2008 - 8:11 am

“I’m not sure I’ll ever be OK with it.”
Seems appropriate to me. Even if you could be “at peace” with it, nosiness and rude comments are always inappropriate.

Anon (the first)- “I don’t care how many kids you have but you ARE impacting all of us via global warming.”
Clearly you’ve not met many people with more than 2 children, or haven’t observed much. Such families tend to be BIG on “reuse, reduce, recycle, remend, reuse, get that stain out, carpool, reuse, take only short hot showers so there’s evough hot water for everyone” over and over again. People from med-large families practice “green” living as daily matter of fact. They know by experience about limited resources, not just because of some segment on the news, and they tend to live with similar sensibility as adults.

Michelle November 18, 2008 - 9:26 am

Love your analogy of the garden – it works!

Mommaof10 November 18, 2008 - 9:33 am

Yesterday, my baby turned 5 years old. We have 10 children ranging from 28 to 5.

Your post is a perfect complement to the one I posted yesterday at http://plymouthrockranch.com/blog/?p=436

WE do not “choose.” GOD is the Creator of life. For many years I was able to get pregnant to many people’s disdain and condemnation. But, that season of life may have ended for me and no matter what I do, no matter how much my children, my husband or I want another baby, *I* cannot make myself have another baby!

GOD is in control, not man. GOD informs us of what righteous living looks like. He said to be fruitful and multiply. He said that HE is the one to open the womb and close the womb. So at almost 48, I know that if HE wants us to have another baby, then HE will open my womb. And if HE does not want to give us another baby, HE will close my womb.

It’s all very simple, if we live by His principles and see what He calls blessings a blessing and what He calls curses a curse. It’s just that we think we have the right to redefine what God has already defined.

Until the Church gets back to living out God’s principles and His definitions and truly believing in and living out all of His Word, the Church will be lukewarm and ineffective. In other words, look just like the world.

We must LOVE God’s ways, not alter or disdain them.

Thank you, Kelly, for your well written post. Oh, and you’re not judgmental as Anonymous claims. You hold up God’s Standards. It is HE that will ultimately judge! But until the judgment day comes, we must hold up His Standards.

In Him,
Recording the Faithfulness and Provision of God for Future Generations

Brenda November 18, 2008 - 9:44 am

I’ve heard a lot of disgust over a certain famous large family until I said, “But arent’t they raising those children for the Lord? And don’t they seem to be well-trained and under control (not perfect)? And aren’t they affording that family just fine without your help?”

Then what exactly is the problem?

And each person agreed.

Lori November 18, 2008 - 10:12 am

I LOVE this woman’s blog:

As the name implies, Roxanne has 14 children. She has stated more than once that their family is below the poverty line, but you wouldn’t know by looking! They are a well dressed, well coiffed, good-looking family. They have and have had lovely, homey homes( she posts photos), and they are people of developed talents (so fooey on thinking you have to have lots of disposable money or limit family size in order to pay for all the extra curricular self-improvements). I find this blog encouraging and inspiring. Kind of makes me wish I could hang out with them (I live waaay far away).

Q November 18, 2008 - 10:33 am

We are expected to explain ourselves in this arena just as we are the ones having to explain why we home educate, carry a CCW permit and the like.

Funny – we are the ones holding to the ‘original ways’, but because we haven’t ‘evolved’ to over riding our bodies and shipping our children to government orphanages for ‘education’ like the rest of the bandwagon, we explain.

Hmm . . . I’ll have to start rethinking my responses to the questions we’re asked . . .

Anonymous November 18, 2008 - 10:34 am


I would like to know how you feel about people who have one child after another, but they are on welfare. I personally think that the Bible very clearly says that if you (not the state) do not provide for your family you are worse than an infidel. I wish that you would address this issue of having baby after baby and expecting the government to take care of them. I personally love your analogy about a garden. But I think that people should endeavor to take care of themselves.

ohhollyf November 18, 2008 - 11:09 am

Education, growing up with Mom’s going into workforce, hence not willing to stay home……..I love how you explained it a natural part of what your body does.
I have 2 children both adopted, and when in large family community I am looked down on, but i know your situtation is the norm, “What another baby”?
All this to say, I am glad Mom’s have thier hearts in the right place to give to children and receive them as blessings, Holly

Word Warrior November 18, 2008 - 11:48 am


Obviously, I’m writing about what I feel is a Christian response to God’s sovereignty of the womb which would go hand in hand with any other commandment, including providing for your own.

It goes without saying that a believer can’t pick and choose which commands to follow…now financial hardship comes, but I truly believe that between a husband’s resolve to provide AND faith in the Provider, the number of children is really not an issue.

Truthfully, we have found that children aren’t the bulk of our cost. We probably don’t spend any more on our children–in any department, than the average family spends on fewer children. The “cost of children” is inflated, IMO.

Jen in Al November 18, 2008 - 12:00 pm

Thank you thank you thank you!!! the farming analogy has given me a much needed chuckle!!! too true! i love it! i will be adding that to my list of things to say….Blessings to you and your “fruitful” family:), jen in al expecting our 6th blessing:) God is sooo good!!!

Shannan November 18, 2008 - 1:56 pm

(You may remember me as the girl who apologized profusely on behalf of liberals after you got such awful comments on your election post a few posts back)

Granted, I’m not Christian, I’m young and married, and I DO NOT plan on having kids…

Before i started really paying attention to your blog, I admit I rolled my eyes at large families. But hey, yours seems pretty awesome. Now, (my parents live near a very traditional baptist community, so when I visit I see it a lot) when I see a large family, I’m kind of impressed. I mean, it’s funny to see a woman with seven kids all being relatively well behaved in a store, then look over and see a woman with ONE that she can’t control.

Though I will admit, there is a young woman who lives down the hall from me with four kids that i DO roll my eyes at… four kids, different dads, and I tend to run into this girl late at night when she smells like booze. THEN i want to shake her and ask her if she knows where they come from…


(PS- i peeked at your girl’s nature blog… i was pretty impressed!!! public school could never produce something so great!)

shannan November 18, 2008 - 2:02 pm

Ps- to the anon with the crazy global warming accusation…

i’m a free thinking lib who frets about global warming, but it’s not cause by a couple of extra kids. it’s caused by the way we chose to live, and waste. if you read this woman’s blog sincerely, you will see that her freezer is filled with salvaged deer meat, and that she thrift shops and re-uses what she can. i’d say she has a pretty low carbon footprint. how’s yours?

(sorry for taking up so much space, that just chapped me a bit)

Word Warrior November 18, 2008 - 2:23 pm


I appreciate those comments–I was chapped by the GW one too 😉

(See Demographic Winter)

Seems like you’re a real thinker.

Civilla November 18, 2008 - 2:25 pm

I don’t know why, as Americans, we feel we have the right to openly and publicly criticize anyone and everyone for what they do, whether it is about big families, little families, living here or living there. It is my experience that any time you do ANYTHING (I got a lot of criticism in the way of gossip behind my back because I hung curtains in my garage), somebody has to say something. I’m trying to keep my mouth shut these days about what other people do, unless they are sinning. Then I need to work up courage TO say something!

Anonymous November 18, 2008 - 2:40 pm

I’m wondering if your position on contraception translates to all medical care, i.e. if you get cancer it is “God’s will” and you don’t seek medical care, or on a smaller scale if your kids get, say, a chronic sinus infection you don’t use antibiotics.

It seems to me if God’s soverign nature is to be honored in birth to this extent, it should be honored in life even to the point of death.

I’m also left wondering if you birth unassisted, use lay midwives or traditional medical routes for your pregnancies and births.


Lori November 18, 2008 - 2:42 pm

Civilla- your comment brought back happy memories. I grew up in a house with curtains in the garage! From the front of the house, it wasn’t obvious that that end of the house was a garage, and the curtains looked nice. Plus, who want people to see the mess inside? 🙂

Word Warrior November 18, 2008 - 2:53 pm


In my “pre-thinking days” 😉 this was my very excuse for using birth control. “I take medicine or I would die–if I just “let God be sovereign” I wouldn’t be alive.

But what a gaping hole in that philosophy!

We take medicine, have surgeries, etc. to heal something that is broken. Jesus was for healing–always or prolonging and improving life.

To take birth control is to break something that works right–the way God intended. To accept medical care is to repair something that is broken, as a result of sin. HUGE difference.

I have my babies in the hospital–and am a huge fan of epidurals (and novacaine, etc.) *smiles*

Life is from God…pain is from sin.

Civilla November 18, 2008 - 3:05 pm

As far as the global warming goes, anon., like Kelly has said, it is usually the smaller families who buy new stuff and help to use up fossil fuel by flying off to Hawaii. Large families are usually thrifty by necessity and can rarely travel the way smaller families are able to.

We have two children, and I have to admit, while I am thrifty, shop a lot of yard-sales, etc., we DID jet off to Hawaii three years ago, and to Great Britain last year, and every year or two, we drive half-way across the country to New York. If we had a large family, that would be impossible, on our income.

So, I had to think about that. Many larger families are more “green” than we are!

Also, to “I”, I am tring to wrap my mind around the sovereignty idea. If God is sovereign in the way that you say, and He decides whether or not my womb is opened, then wouldn’t I have as many children as He decided I would have, no matter if I diligently used reliable birth control? If He is sovereign in that way, then it wouldn’t matter if I got my tubes tied and my husband had a vasectomy (we didn’t), we would still have children. Right? Or am I misunderstanding.

The way I see it, our sovereign God decided that we would have a free will. We didn’t have anything to say about it. He also gave us the ability, with His help, to use our free wills righteously.

He also allows us to mess up our bodies, to limit our families (I’m not arguing about the rightness or wrongness of birth control here. That is another subject.) Maybe it is wrong to limit your family size, as some think, but He allows us to do that, even if it is wrong. Do you think that God chooses to limit His sovereignty in some areas because He gave us a free will?

(And I do understand that certain events are foreordained to happen, no matter how much free will He has given us. He overrides our free will when He decides to for His own purposes.)

John 1:13 says, “Which were born, not of blood, nor of the will of the flesh, nor of THE WILL OF MAN, but of God.” That scripture is, of course, talking about the “new spiritual birth”, but incorporates the truth that because of the God-given “will of man”, people can choose whether or not to have children.

I can say, “I want children,” and unless my body doesn’t function properly, I can have some (hopefully by getting married first!). Our sovereign God allows us to choose. He gives us the ability to choose to remain unmarried and celebate, (hopefully you are celebate if you are unmarried!) and so not to have children, or to choose to have lots of children.

Even if we believe that being willfully unmarried and celebate or using birth control are sins (I don’t), He gives us the choice to sin or not to sin.

I’m trying to understand.

Leisha November 18, 2008 - 3:27 pm

We just found out yesterday that we are expecting our fourth child (the youngest just turned one). After the initial shock, my husband told his family and his two business partners. Comments ranged from “Yeah!” to “OK?” to “Do you know what causes that?” to “I’m buying you protectin for Christmas”. In a world where children don’t seem to be a blessing, I’m comforted to be able to have encouragement and support from you. Thanks for being a friend even though we don’t know each other. Love Leisha

Word Warrior November 18, 2008 - 3:29 pm


To the comment: “If God is sovereign in the way that you say, and He decides whether or not my womb is opened, then wouldn’t I have as many children as He decided I would have, no matter if I diligently used reliable birth control? If He is sovereign in that way, then it wouldn’t matter if I got my tubes tied and my husband had a vasectomy (we didn’t), we would still have children. Right? Or am I misunderstanding.”

Let’s think about this…using that “logic”, I could say…”God is soveriegn over life. So, I’m going to jump off this building because of my free will. If God wants me to live, it won’t matter–I’ll live.”

That’s not how God’s sovereignty works.

And to this one…

“because of the God-given “will of man”, people can choose whether or not to have children.”

No, they can only choose *not* to have children (in marriage)–they don’t choose TO have them, that happens only if God opens the womb and allows conception.

So, “free will” is the choice He gives us to obey or disobey. But we can’t mistake God’s soveriengty for a platform to just do whatever we feel like–it doesn’t make us puppets in His hand.

Word Warrior November 18, 2008 - 3:32 pm


CONGRATULATIONS! From the blog where you can always come and I’ll be excited over another baby!

Shannan November 18, 2008 - 3:40 pm


I’m a ‘thinker’ huh? Takes one to know one.

I did watch some of Demographic Winter the other night… didn’t get through the whole thing yet though.

I should clarify when I say I’m not having kids, it’s not cause I don’t like them or think they are expensive or whatever, it’s because of a medical/ medication issue I have that would make it dangerous. It breaks my heart a bit, but my hub and I have decided that it’s a bad idea. We hope to adopt someday. But for now… thanks for picking up our slack 😉


Civilla November 18, 2008 - 3:45 pm

Ok,Kelly, gotcha.

It was funny about the curtains. We had just moved to this little (pop.250) town. I hung curtains, because I thought it looked pretty from the road instead of bare windows.

My husband went to the gas station to buy gas. A MAN came into the gas station while my husband was paying for his gasoline, and said to the owner, "Hey, do you know that new minister in town? His wife put curtains in the garage windows. Doesn't she know that there will be fly $%&# (poop) all over them?"

The garage owner said, "Yeah, I know him. That's him standing right over there!"

The man turned beet red and said (lamely), "Well…it was THE WOMEN in the cafe who were talking about it…"! ("…the woman whom thou gavest to be with me…" Gen.3:13)

ladyofvirtue November 18, 2008 - 4:20 pm

I would like to add to this lively conversation by putting in a few thoughts, although Word Warrior does such a stellar job of it already!

One thing I have always heard was that people become prejudiced against large families because of this “one family” they have known.

Yes, there are those families that don’t seem to be doing very well-or are they, but they are just misunderstood?

I know that I couldn’t have imagined how things should work in a large family if I had not had my own. There are many assumptions in our current culture about the way things “should” be that have nothing to do with reality or Biblical living.

Large families look different, and they function differently from small families because they are, well, large. In large families you will find individuals that feel deprived, others that feel enthusiastically supportive, and still others that are ambivalent, and each member will feel differently about the situation depending on the time of day, year or season of life.

To categorically dismiss a large family as being “dysfunctional” just because you peered into the window one day when they were experiencing a hard time would be unfair–and the type of thing that gossip is made of.

I have often wished that certain individuals that have a habit of judging large families would instead offer compassion, or perhaps even a helping hand–but too often the persons making such comments aren’t trying to be helpful at all, just reacting to something so foreign that they can only see the negative in order to calm their own fear of the unknown. My own relatives have often treated us in this way.

Not meant to be condemning–I may have been the one on the accusing side if I had not experienced the life I have.

Mom to 14+

BTW, Word Warrior–I love your heart and pray often for you.

Anonymous November 18, 2008 - 4:33 pm

Kelly, with all due respect:

“Let’s think about this…using that “logic”, I could say…”God is soveriegn over life. So, I’m going to jump off this building because of my free will. If God wants me to live, it won’t matter–I’ll live.”

That’s not how God’s sovereignty works.
In Calvinism, that’s exactly how God’s sovereignty works. If God has chosen sovereignly for you to be one of the elect, then to the Calvinist, that means no matter what you do or how you live, you will go to Heaven/have eternal life. There may be some argument about the details (i.e. if you jumped off the building, it must not have been God’s will for you to live), but this is at the very essence of the difference between Calvinism and Arminianism.

As such, I think your reader Civilla is very perceptive and strikes at the heart of the difference without realizing exactly what the difference is. Interesting discussion.

And NO – of course nobody has the right to criticize your family size, unless your husband cannot provide for your family, in which case he’s worse than an unbeliever and people have the right to exhort you/him against that sin.


P.S. Not to debate soteriology here (I’m not even tempted to be drawn into it right now, at least in this forum), but I’m (probably obviously) more on the Arminian side than the Calvinist side. I believe, as Civilla does, that God is sovereign, but that He has sovereignly given each and every one of us the free will to be able to choose and extended the prevenient grace necessary to allow us to choose.

The Brown Family November 18, 2008 - 4:36 pm

Great post!
I know how you feel even though I only have 4 children so far. When I had my 3rd I called a dear person to let her know. I was very exited about it, as we are with each one of them, but after the news were given
there was a complete moment of silence followed by: ok. OK????
The same person hugged me and kissed me when I found out my 4th was a boy. The first 3 were girls so I imagine that she thought I must be over since we have a boy now.
We get the same comments from complete strangers: “You got your boy now, you must be finished?” I usually just say: I hope not! and my husband says: We have just started.:)

Word Warrior November 18, 2008 - 4:41 pm


“In Calvinism, that’s exactly how God’s sovereignty works. If God has chosen sovereignly for you to be one of the elect, then to the Calvinist, that means no matter what you do or how you live, you will go to Heaven/have eternal life.”

This is an inaccurate picture of election. As the Bible teaches election, we who are saved are only saved because God allowed us to *see* and pulled us out of the deadness of our sins. The idea that “we can live like we want and still go to heaven” is NOT what the Bible teaches, and therefore, not what the reformed doctrine teaches.

Sovereignty in God’s choosing all of us to be followers of Christ(yes, if you’re a Christian, God elected you–it’s right there in black and white 😉 is vastly different from running a puppet show where we run amuck and He overrides all our stupidity.

Being saved compels us to obey–if we are saved, we want nothing more than to obey our Lord–we are drawn to it. Therefore, it crosses over into areas of living where we must ask, “what does God want of me?”

Having babies isn’t even an issue, as I see it, of making decisions or exercising free will. The decision is already made. The only thing left is to override it.

KELLY November 18, 2008 - 4:54 pm

Thank you for another great post! We’d heard various negative comments over the years (usually from one side of the family) and had our fourth baby in August. We couldn’t be happier that the Lord changed our view and mindset about children while we were still able to have them.

I would love to hear your insight into women who have had c-sections and have been told they shouldn’t have more kids because of adhesions, scar tissue, etc. (I’ve had all four via c-section and was told just that.) At this point, we have a newborn and it’s not on my radar, but I’m thinking ahead. I guess I don’t fear having more kids because I do believe in God’s sovereignty, but I’m curious what I would give as an educated response when we surprise everyone down the road with another pregnancy??? Sorry to hog the comment section with my rambling…

kimberly in Idaho November 18, 2008 - 5:12 pm

Thank you for this post today. We have three children, 5, 4, and almost 2. We very much hope that God blesses us with more. My mom recently told me God is teaching me lessons when my kids misbehave and He’s trying to show me I don’t need more! My sister tells me I am being selfish to want as many children as God allows. And…my brother has told me he thinks a one child policy should be a law in the U.S.! Anyone who knows us, knows that our kids are far from neglected, we are thrifty, and we are always together as a family. Furthermore, we have been told numerous times that we have well behaved children and are great parents. Why then, do we constantly have to defend ourselves even though we are just letting God be God?

Mrs. Lady Sofia November 18, 2008 - 5:20 pm


I’m sorry that woman said, “Ugh” in your direction when she thought it would be you having your 8th child. That was rude. People need to mind their own business.

At any rate, your comment made me think about myself. I used to be like one of those individuals who would “look down” upon someone if they were going to have children. In fact, in the past, people would ask me if I would have children, and I would scream out, “Oh, heavens no! Not me! I don’t want any children, yuck! Forget it!”

Of course, I don’t feel like this anymore. After spending some time on this blog and others where women have more than the average amount of children, I see the beauty and Christian harmony in the entire process. Therefore, I no longer look down upon those with many children. Instead, I admire them for their strength and determination to raise godly children in a crazy world.

Again, you have given this childless woman more positive thoughts to process in her ears about children. Kelly, are you trying to get me pregnant or what (smiles)?

Word Warrior November 18, 2008 - 5:51 pm

Lady Sophia,

Lol! Girl, I want to be the first–well maybe second to hear it!

Word Warrior November 18, 2008 - 5:59 pm

I had another point, that I may put in a separate post…seems a difficult concept for people to grasp regarding this “free will” thing is the category of reproduction being separate from any other “decision”.

I have to decide to get a job. I don’t wake up and find myself sitting at my new desk.

I decide to go to the mission field (albeit, maybe through God’s leading). I don’t magically appear in the Phillipines.

And on I could go.

Babies are different. I do literally wake up one day with a new life inside! It wasn’t a decision. (What God uses to bring about that life is commanded and a natural part of marriage…as silly as I feel making that point 😉

The notion that because we now have the technology to prevent that supernatural act from happening has given us the idea that we just should. And to not interfere is wrong, or irresponsible or odd.

My whole point of the post was to compel Christians (I don’t expect nonbelievers to get it or even care about what God wants) to really evaluate what we have the free will to do. To make proactive decisions in causing something to happen–yes. But to interfere in the process of life?

To me, “counting the cost before you build” and receiving what God gives–without any decision of my own, are two different things.

Food for thought…

Brandi November 18, 2008 - 7:19 pm

I happened upon this sight a few weeks back and now, I look forward to your blog everyday.

I am the blessed mother to two precious gifts. My son is six and our little girl is two and we homeschool. I thought after I had my daughter, that our family was complete. But I find myself hopeful for more. My husband has always wanted us to have more children. We believe that children are a heritage of the Lord.
My only conflict is due to health coverage. We have worked very diligently to pay off all unnecessary debts. So that I am able to leave my very stressful job and be home fulltime raising our children. By doing so, my husband and I are losing our health ins. The children are covered by a seperate private paid coverage. We are looking for affordable coverage for us but who knows….We are praying and trusting in the Lord’s guidance for our family.

Your blog’s are inspirational and a real blessing. Thank You!

Word Warrior November 18, 2008 - 7:46 pm

Thank you, Brandi.

We have faced insurance dilemmas o’plenty. (Insurance–that’s whole different thorn in our side, huh?)

The few things I’ve learned that may be helpful?

#1. A normal, non-insured delivery (with all the perks) is $2700.

#2. Midwife is even cheaper!

#3. Our whole family is covered by BC “open enrollment” plan for $356/month–don’t know if that’s an option.

#4. There are some “sharing” insurance groups for Christians. Bad thing is they usually have an 18 mo. waiting period for maternity.

We’ve been pregnant several times without insurance, and each time God worked it out beautifully.

Lori November 18, 2008 - 7:50 pm

Brandi, I know you dodn’t direct your question to me, but I have been in the health ins dilema, and did some research that may help you.

1) Medical health sharing programs:
Samaratin Ministries and
Medishare are both christian groups where the participants pay the required fee each month, which benefits those pre-approved medical bills of the pertinant particpants. In SM you send the money directly witht the family SM directs you to, and with MedSh you send the monthyly allotment to the organization and they send it to the people in need. These are not Ins co.s. I recommend that you use these in conjunction with a Health Savings Account (HSA), where you pre-tax income is immediately diducted from your (or husband’s) paycheck and sent to the hsa. As long as the money is spent on medical care it’s not ever taxed. I know people who used both.

2) We used Golden Rule, which is a tradiditional health ins co., a subsidiary of United Health, one of the biggies. We went with a high deductable plan that had low monthly payments, and it came with an HSA also. It was a “catastrophic” plan. I think it was around $200 per month, plus we got an optional add-on of $35 per month that covered all health and wellness (and shots!) for the kiddos. Now, maternity coverage wasn’t an option with the HSA plan when we were on, so our usual care was paid out of pocket (but with untaxed money) from the HSA, which wasn’t too big a deal, as we were getting my maternity care from a midwifery practice, the total costs of which were comperable to our out of pocket costs for our first child who was born under traditional, supposedly good, ins.(It was a fabulous experience, by the way) But if there had been a big emergency, like a life threatening complication, that would have been covered beyond the deductable. This is good for those biggies: the onset of life-threataning or seriously debilitating injuries and diseases. The stuff that bankrupts people. Well worth the money.

But I don’t think any of these plans will accept someone who is already pregnant, and with the first two options (in #1)there may be a waiting period before maternity costs are open for sharing. That’s the way it was when I investigated. Good luck.

Lori November 18, 2008 - 7:53 pm

Kelly, I’ve been curious for a while where you live; now I’m super curious! $2500 for a normal, non-insured delivery? I want some of that, please! Seriously, my first child we paid over $8K out of pocket, and with a normal non-insured hospital delivery in the last state where we lived, it started at about $12K (and went up FAST!). I’m jealous. Plain jealous.

Word Warrior November 18, 2008 - 8:13 pm


Thank you for those wise, articulated words…so much truth. Much appreciated–and especially the prayers!

Anonymous November 18, 2008 - 8:17 pm

Thankyou ladies for the health ins. info. and the encouragement. I am inquiring about a BC quote and will follow up on the other options.
Like Lori, I paid about three thousand out of pocket with ins. (ins. paid 5000) my last pregnancy. I had my bag packed and baby in arms ready to check out asap. lol!! Still paying that anesthesiologist a monthly payment. It’s was so worth it, my baby girl and the epidural. LOL!!!

Anonymous November 18, 2008 - 10:33 pm

An average midwife at home is about $2,000 or virtually free if you are on medicaid.! 🙂

Jessica in Peru

Anonymous November 18, 2008 - 10:44 pm

Not everyone shares your convictions! Judging them “right” back – which you definitely are doing, only causes divisions.

Turn the other cheek and live out what God has called you to live. And LET HIM deal with those who aren’t where you are at yet. And, trust me, He will!

And….a woman is not more Godly because she has 1, 4, 7, or 15 children. Your standing with God is not any different than mine because I have less children (3 less to be exact) and I don’t use any type of birth control. You are not wiser, more Godly or more effective for the kingdom of Christ because you have surrendered this area completely to God and others haven’t. You are in a different place and you need to bear with others and lovingly share your passion (and God’s for children). But please….just ignore the nay-sayers and don’t judge them back.

Word Warrior November 18, 2008 - 10:52 pm


I think I’m confused…I can’t find anywhere where I even hinted that I thought I was “more godly” for having a large family (the suggestion is not fair).

And I’m not sure how I’m “judging”…to point out a faulty line of thinking is not judging–unless you belong to the “new” church of “everything goes or it’s called judging”.

I demeaned no one for their use of birth control…but am trying to point out that it’s a terribly misguided perception of the church when they think it’s our duty to prevent the blessing of children.

If we are not free (since we are commanded) to teach right things, then I might as well toss my Bible. “Right things”, in this case, being that a Christian ought not be putting pressure on couples to refuse the blessing of children.

As a woman commanded to teach women to love their children, (and with the Bible as my guide on how to do that) what do you propose I teach?

Michelle November 18, 2008 - 10:56 pm

Just a note on the Calvinism – I consider myself a Calvinist and do not agree at all with this statement –
“In Calvinism, that’s exactly how God’s sovereignty works. If God has chosen sovereignly for you to be one of the elect, then to the Calvinist, that means no matter what you do or how you live, you will go to Heaven/have eternal life. There may be some argument about the details (i.e. if you jumped off the building, it must not have been God’s will for you to live), but this is at the very essence of the difference between Calvinism and Arminianism.”

Unfortunately, not much is known of Calvin’s original beliefs because so many of his subsequent followers DID take it to the extreme like the above example. I would think it safe to say, he was much more balanced.

It DOES matter how we live – the way I look at it has been dubbed “Soft free will determinism.” Once you get past the silly philosophical hoity-toity label, how it basically works is that though we still make choices, God leads us to those choices to work His Will in our lives. He changes our circumstances to lead us to certain things. Yes, some of those things can be bad/sin and we are still accountable for those sins – remember the Lord’s prayer – “And lead us not into temptation”. That right there basically reveals that He can lead us into temptation. That’s how all things can still work together for Good for those that love Him. Hope I explained it well enough.

Mrs. Lady Sofia November 18, 2008 - 11:48 pm


Today while my husband and I were watching re-runs of “The Cosby Show,” there was a comment made that is related to your post. The husband and wife are in a hotel room and they get a phone call from their four children who are at home. The dad (husband) answers and hands the phone over to the wife (mom). This is what was said, “Good night mom, and don’t come home with any more babies!” Then, you hear the laugh track in the background.

I immediately thought of your post and thought, “Didn’t Kelly just talk about this very thing?” I didn’t think it was very funny. It was similar to the “ugh” comment you received from that woman. I told my husband, “That’s rude and not even funny.” He agreed.

Of course, that’s just a television show, but someone had to produce it, and I guess the producers thought that was a funny comment. I didn’t. I was actually offended, and I don’t even have children.

Just thought I would share that with you.

Sheila November 18, 2008 - 11:53 pm

Here’s an honest question, and from one who considers myself “quiverfull”: I do believe no child is conceived without God’s direct hand. However, there are a lot of people who either don’t breastfeed full-time, or at all, who get their cycles back sooner, and thus have babies a lot closer together than “average”. And, I’m speaking of people within the quiverfull movement, as well. So as it looks, even leaving things up to the Lord is still affected by our biology! I hope this makes sense. Same with using fertility drugs. Depending on what methods are used, a woman could conceive multiples easily – sometimes many multiples. I don’t doubt the hand of God, yet what we do/don’t do does affect the biology aspect. (Yes, BC is a deliberate prevention, but the rest of this could be looked at as “less deliberate.”) Any thoughts?
On a personal note, we have let God control our family size since I was pregnant with our second, at age 29. I am now nearly 38, we have five precious children here, and two with Jesus. I have such a desire for more (at least ONE more), but it’s truly in His hands.

Anonymous November 19, 2008 - 7:12 am

You only write this blog so you can debate your platforms. I’ve been reading for quite some time and see that you get great satisfaction from it. And obviously it takes a lot of time to do so. I suggest you get busy at home and turn off the computer because you can’t tell me that all this blogging, debating, responding doesn’t come at a sacrifice to your children. It saddens me how much you desire to be right. When you blog “this much” in your life, something has to suffer. I hope it’s not the precious children or marital relationship you are always writing about.

Jess November 19, 2008 - 7:35 am

Your corn comment cracked me up, Kelly. 🙂

And don’t take criticism like the recent anonymous one too seriously. Only you and your husband know how much time this is taking.

Some people could spend all day writing one article and still not have it be something others would want to read, and some people could write like that all day long… very quickly and naturally. Only you and your husband can judge whether blogging is a good or draining outlet for you. Same goes for me.

Anyway. I liked the corn comment. Made me laugh. I could just picture that farmer, standing, looking around his field aghast at all those green plants. 🙂

Anonymous November 19, 2008 - 7:42 am

Other Anonymous,
Ouch! Get the plank out of your own eye…..
Is it any of your business?

Lori November 19, 2008 - 8:19 am

Anon – re: “You only write this blog so you can debate your platforms.”
Funny, all this time I thought she was encouraging us! I disagree with some (several?) things she holds to, and yet she still encourages me. Oh, well. Some say “tomatoe,” some say “rotten tomatoe” I guess.

Word Warrior November 19, 2008 - 8:22 am


Thanks for that! Yes blogging is something we are very careful to keep in check. Thankfully, writing is a gift I’ve been given–I am very fast at it. I used to journal, now I blog, and I type much faster than I write 😉

Mrs. McG November 19, 2008 - 9:19 am

I have to disagree about the corn comment- when we drove cross country all I heard through the entire state of Iowa were things like “there is way too much corn here, does it ever end?”
On the people getting into your business subject, I was at the gym taking a treadmill class and the instructor asked how baby was doing (I’m pregnant) and the woman next to me asked how many this was. I replied “6” and she frowned and said “don’t you know what causes that?” I smiled and said “sure, would you like me to explain to you how it happens?” She got very embarrassed and turned away. Later on she said, “well, my sister had a kid at 42 and that is just crazy.” I smiled again and informed her that I am 42. She didn’t talk to me again that day. Funny how other people think your family size is any of their concern-it’s not like we ever ask anyone for anything.
I do wonder why people read your blog who get upset over everything you write. What is the point in aggravating oneself like that?

Elizabeth November 19, 2008 - 10:19 am

This attitude does bother me, as well.

Having had two miscarriages, another thing that makes me sad — though I understand and have compassion for it — is glib answers that make it sound as if losing a baby in the womb is no big deal.

Another thing is when parents complain or joke about the ages or stages of children right in front of children. “Oh, you know how teens are!” “I can’t wait for my kids to start school, etc.”

I don’t think people mean any harm by any of these things, and we need to be compassionate when people say things along this line. I think it’s just that our age has lost sight of how wonderful it is to be blessed with children. What used to be normal — large and happy families — seems strange to our culture today. So, we can understand why people react the way they do. I’m sure I’ve said my share of goofy, clumsy things to people, myself, so it would be hypocritical of me to get on my high horse about what someone else says.

I, myself, have not yet arrived at the conviction that it is always wrong in all situations to limit family size. I do however, respect those who have reached that conclusion. I just think we can all learn to be more sensitive to each other in many ways.

Candace November 19, 2008 - 11:53 am

I LOVE reading your posts on this topic!!

It’s amazing how Christians just can’t see that by using birth ‘control’, they are ‘in control’ of their own lives.

If this is the case, how then can they be allowing God to ‘control’ all things?

I love to reference Proverbs 3:5-6 when people ‘comment’ about being pregnant again (just our 4th right now).

In ALL your ways acknowledge HIM!!

Hope you don’t mind, I linked to your post today, and added another thought of my own: http://heaveninourhomes.com/blog/?p=107.

ALL things are known by their fruits – creation and people. What fruits do the unsaved see if the Christians are ‘crop controlling’ the fruits of marriage?


authenticallyme November 19, 2008 - 12:04 pm

i admit to being short on time, and not reading all 65 comments up until this point.

i know for me too, with the announcement of child #4, my in-laws especially had the power to hurt my feelings. my family had just arrived at their picnic, and apparently all the aunts, unlces, cousins..already knew ‘the news’. my husband and i were ridiculed, belittled, etc.

Looking back, I dont think my inlaws were necessarily ‘disgusted’ with the reality of another real life human being…but because their priorities include money, time, a spacious home…i think they were generally afraid for us, and due to not knowing how to communicate in a kind manner, said things that came out rather harsh. Im sure had I asked them today their feelings toward Kamerynn, they adore her. Sometimes people speak and act impulsively…..myself included. I am trying harder to find, notice, and celebrate the good in people…..as i now see being negative toward my inlaws only caused me to suffer as well. nobody wins in these situations. living in America, what can we really expect people to act like when we announce anything over 2 children these days…i am *trying* to view these situations as this: it is not the person i am against……it is the prince of power of the air. i should not wrestle against flesh and blood. rather, i can have compassion that others too, arent arrived, neither as *I* am arrived. Evil is a constant battle that we strive against. everyone is on a path…just as 10 years ago, i can balk at myself and some of my thinking/actions….so who am i to speak, at times?

even though i am ‘preventing’ more children currently, i think all children are gifts and opportunities and blessings.

authenticallyme November 19, 2008 - 12:10 pm


Ok, just finished reading it all.

I suppose some of us view the ‘choice’ to have more chidren on the SAME plane as getting a job or entering the mission field. for all 3, we try to be in tune with Gods leading. it still takes engaging in intercourse (a choice) to have children….and while opening and closing the womb, IMO, is God….we already know, because of God, the magnificence of how the body works….if having sex didnt matter, then maybe God would have opened the womb without it? but that never happens, except once, and i believe that distinguishment is made for a reason. In any event, some people regard everything they do in a day as God led…like sex. What about people who cant have sex? Though, this aspect of my post is a separagte discussion. my overall point was i place children, job, mission field, etc all on the same plane. i dont do it til i sense the peace of being synanomous with God.

Mother of Dog November 19, 2008 - 4:59 pm

(I don’t expect nonbelievers to get it or even care about what God wants)

Umm. I try to read this blog with an open mind and an open heart, although I am admittedly a bleeding heart Jewish Liberal. 🙂 Still, I find different views fascinating and I want to be respectful.

But you know Kelly – it IS possible for people to disagree with what “God wants.” I don’t think you have a postcard from Him with the words: Dear Kelly. Greetings from Heaven. You have your views, I have mine. What I don’t have is children and I’m quite delighted about it, as is my partner.

All best!

Sherri November 19, 2008 - 5:05 pm

I have three but wish I had more. When I was young and foolish my husband and I had a permanent form of birth control after our third child was born. We had both bought in to society’s norms and never even thought about seeking a biblical perspective.

I noticed one anonymous commenter gave an example of a dysfunctional family having a lot of kids. The person said that it had jaded his or her perspective about having large families. I would like to point out that while there are plenty of dysfunctional families in this world it would be a mistake to say that any child born into this world is a mistake. As biblically thinking Christians we start down the slippery slope of situational ethics if we say it is a shame for any child to be born into this world. That line of reasoning leads to thoughts of eugenics and relagating child bearing to the “priveledged” or “talented” or “most intelligent” or “most beautiful”, etc.

Word Warrior November 19, 2008 - 5:09 pm


Huh? Not sure I got your point, but actually, I did get a letter from Heaven that says “Dear Kelly…”

Every child of God has that letter full of God’s heart.

Mother of Dog November 19, 2008 - 6:29 pm

My point, Kelly, is that it is slightly offensive to tell those who believe differently than you that we don’t care what “God wants.” I assure you that each of us cares what God wants as we hear God in our own way. 🙂 I may be childless but I don’t believe that I am any less a child of God.

Congrats on that postcard, though. If only it were material – you could sell that s**ker on Ebay for a bundle! Heh.

ps – Of COURSE this blog reflects the owner’s beliefs. So does mine. So do all blogs. You know? Just because I disagree doesn’t mean that she doesn’t have the right to discuss her particular viewpoint – that’s the Blogger’s Right.

Sarah D. November 21, 2008 - 5:53 pm

Amen! We have been married just over a year and have a beautiful, 3 month old son. Lord willing, there will be more children; and, I look forward to the, “Another child?!” comments! 😉


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