“Christians are to be people of the Book and people who love good books. The family gathered together over dessert listening to Dad read is a lovely tradition. (And if Dad doesn’t want to read, there is no reason why Mom can’t read to the kids at appropriate times.) Reading at bedtime, reading at dinnertime, reading on the porch on a summer evening–reading ought to be part of a family’s heritage. Experiencing books together ties us together, and we begin to love certain books as a family and remember them like we remember a special vacation.” ~Nancy Wilson, Praise Her in the Gates
Issues of the parent-heart about which the Lord is dealing heavily with me…
Living in a house, all day, with lots of children creates almost constant training opportunities. And none are so available as those that involve the use of words. And yet, it isn’t words really. “Out of the abundance of the heart the mouth speaks.”
I maintain that we can’t truly love others out there until we truly love each other here. And of course, we do love each other. But I mean we must truly demonstrate that love to each other. So it’s one thing for a brother to love his sister and be willing to fight for her honor. But do his words reveal it? Does he choose to show love..even in the ordinary moments?
“Let no corrupting talk come out of your mouths, but only such as is good for building up, as fits the occasion, that it may give grace to those who hear.” Ephesians 4:29
Do we build up?
And then I remember a familiar warning: “More is caught than taught”.
And the very thing I spend my days trying to form into the character of my children, I often find sorely lacking in my own. It’s easy to use build-up words on the good days…but do I use them when I’m put to the test? “Out of the abundance of the heart…” The fruit of the Spirit is seen best where the fruit is squeezed.
Me thinks that work on myself is the principal thing…removing the plank to aptly assist my children with their specks.
“Do you see that the church is completely dependent on what is taught in the homes of its people? Likewise the civil society is also dependent on it. What has happened over the last 50 years is that self-discipline is no longer being taught in the home, either because parents are not present or because they have chosen not to take the difficult task of parenting seriously enough.”
“A New Kind of Church” by Eric Rauch points out the error in Brian McClaren’s book, A New Kind of Christianity and poignantly describes the proper way we must think about the church if we desire to see its effectual power around us:
It starts in the home!
“Remember that God ordained three separate and distinct realms of government…The most basic of all of these realms is, of course, the family, and basic to the proper operation of the family is the practice of self-government. No family, church, or society will exist long with members that are not self-governed (self-disciplined).”
What if Christians thought about their wombs the way God does…
“And the LORD said to her, two nations are in your womb…” Genesis 25:23
My son and I shared some early morning hours together…us and Baby Ellia. Watching her funny antics–one of our favorite things to do, he said:
“I’m glad God made babies and didn’t just send us here big.”
He asked me if she had let me sleep last night, and I explained her typical waking up about 3 times–par for the course almost since she was born. We’re working on it, but for the moment, God has given me supernatural energy to combat the lack of sleep…mostly.
“Even losing sleep isn’t worth not having her”, he said with a grin.
“You’re so right, Ashton.”
I pray that I would maintain such a child-like, eternal perspective in life, rejecting the jaded thought of the world that something hard is something to avoid.
Modesty is a subject Christians have wrestled with, probably since the beginning. It’s controversial, and different people, all confessing Christ, often come to distant conclusions about the subject. One big mistake we make is to assume “modesty” only refers to clothing. Not so. But as far as it does include attire, is there a standard?
If we all agree that the Bible says, “In like manner also, that women adorn themselves in modest apparel, with shamefacedness and sobriety; not with braided hair, or gold, or pearls, or costly array…” it is fair then to ask the question, “what’s the standard”?
In how many school student handbooks have you read: “We feel it is important that the students wear appropriate clothing” without a qualification of “appropriate”?
I do not intend to launch a debate about specifics in this post. (I’ve got closed-toed shoe friends, and spaghetti strap friends, both of whom assume their standard is right.) Suffice it to say, to “love the Lord with all your heart” is to earnestly desire obedience in all of life, reflecting such desire even in our appearance and demeanor. To “love your neighbor as yourself” reinforces the earnestness with which we should seek to dress modestly.
I must give a hat-tip to our good friend Trey for his provoking words the other night during his family’s visit to our home. Since then, I’ve concluded that something he said actually paints a pretty good standard for us, even though it includes no specifics about dress.
Trey explained that his father asked him to make two lists from Scripture: characteristics of a virtuous wife and those opposite her. In his in-depth study of a virtuous woman, he read (I think from John McArthur) about the root word translated “modesty” in 1 Timothy.
It comes from kosmios, originally taken from “kosmos” (where we get “cosmos” of course), with the literal meaning “to place in order, to arrange”. He said that the word “kosmos” is often used in Scripture to describe the “reflection of the glory of God”. What a glorious transfer, then, when we understand that a modest woman (dress, behavior, etc.) is to reflect the glory of God!
I don’t know about you, but that standard makes me look at my wardrobe a little differently. It also makes me consider my speech, my very carriage, my thoughts (which come out of my mouth) my jewelry, my conversation–all that encompasses being a woman. To me, using this standard still allows freedom in one’s unique taste and style of clothing, while maintaining a decidedly strong focal point to guide.
I’m thinking of writing the question, “Do I reflect the glory of God” on my mirror. 😉 (Yes, I’m painfully aware that I overuse winkies in my posts.)
Again, we miss it if we think that modesty only refers to dress, and we miss it if we think it doesn’t include dress.
***As a side note, a while back, I posted an interview by Lindsay, Trey’s sister. You may want to check out the 3-part interview:
(Thank you again, Lindsay, Trey, Bo and Zhenis, for blessing our family with such delicious food and fellowship…and words that provoke!)
We just said goodbye to our new friends from Australia who spent the week with us, one of about 25 families they are staying with over the spring. You may read more about it on their blog, but in a nutshell, they are a young couple wildly zealous for the Lord and knowing no one in their homeland who is like-minded, decided to travel the states for 3 months and get to know other families who have the same vision as they do.
I don’t exactly know the sequence of events that led them to us, but I’m so glad the Lord worked it out that way. I think we were the family where Jonathan and Katie got to see how true it is that none of us homeschooling families have it all together. We managed a complete come-apart learning opportunity Easter morning over….shoes. Their crawling baby had dirty knees most of the time (cleaning day is on Friday, people) and a broken dish washer had us using our share of paper plates.
Katie wisely explained that she wanted to add some positive experiences and influences to her “psyche” as she mothers her children. Jonathan describes his wife as “the fastest learner I’ve ever seen”. He is right. I’ve never met a young couple so passionate about following the Lord and building a family who honors Him. It was such a blessing to witness this loving husband gently bathing his wife in truth while she basks and thrives in the glow of this “life-laying-down love”. They are learning and growing together, and what he couldn’t give her–real life examples–he found for her. *tears*
Saying goodbye this morning was hard; from across the world, three people were swept briefly into our lives and became our brothers and sister. With our cultural differences and varied life experiences, there was yet such a sweetness of the bond of Christ. In one week we made forever friends.
We will miss you, Jonathan, Katie and Eljireh!
“Y’all come back now, ya here!”
There are days when I feel on top of the world as a mother. The birds are singing, the sun is shining, I know what we’re having for supper and my children have laughed most of the day.
Then there are those other days…(Mama said there’d be days like this.)
Days when I collapse into bed at night, melancholy with a keen sense of failure.
Those days are awful. They can be accompanied by a sense of hopelessness and strong desire to “give up”.
But what I love about those days is that they almost always create in my life the clouds that allow the sun to illuminate all the brighter the next day. They don’t last. Joy comes in the morning….a fresh, new perspective and surge of energy is waiting from the hand of my Father.
Such was my morning.
Enough backdrop. Now onto a blessed little mother-moment that may give you some hope when you come off a hard day:
Two of my children rub each other like sandpaper. Not all the time, but often enough. Whoever said children can’t learn socialization at home didn’t have 8 children spending all their days together. Socialization is what we do.
I fought the urge to sleep and got up to see the beautiful sun rise. Coffee in hand, prayers on my lips, I woke the oldest of the “sandpaper couple”.
We read Colossians 3 together, snuggled up in a chair, under a blanket. A ripe condition for heart-talk.
“Do you know how a bank account works? In order to take money out, you must put money in. People are kind of like bank accounts. Praise and criticism must be at least equal.”
Child listened intently.
“Do you know what I think? I think you can “head off” strife by deliberately beginning the day with a kind word or gesture. That way, when you need to ask [insert other child’s name] to stop doing something, you will have already padded your ‘friendship account’.
So, when she gets up this morning, instead of just being in the same room, do something actively kind. A smile, a tender touch on the shoulder, a cheerful greeting.”
Child was so receptive. Like a light bulb had gone off.
I gave a few more hints: “Watch the difference in the way I say this phrase, once with a demanding tone and face, then with a gentle one…”
Child was amazed at the difference.
(Wait for it…..)
Up the stairs the children began coming. They were all greeted with such sweet voice, child offering to pour bowls of cereal, and inquiring of the night’s sleep.
I almost cried. It was beautiful. A genuine heart of friendship oozed out. They need more than a “be kind”. That’s what we’re here for. To show them what that looks like. And on those days when I want to check out, well, that’s just not an option.
The simple little gestures, the ones that perhaps just needed a verbal nudge, worked like giant shock absorbers that headed off the friction so easily found in our mornings.
The birds are singing. God is good.
Mothers wear more hats than Minnie Pearl. A friend recently called and described the feeling of “wearing 10 hats while riding a unicycle”. Yep, we’re all nodding heads.
Which is why making deliberate moments of motherhood is so important. Deliberate mothering involves, to me, those seemingly smaller things, that are actually the bigger things, that can get so easily crowded out in a busy day.
Things like lingering eye contact, both during instruction and to express deep fondness. Taking time to cuddle small children–and big ones, read to them or just enjoy child-talk.
Taking walks, talking of God’s greatness, His provision for daily bread, His new morning-mercy, and His deep love for us–small moments of greatness.
Deliberate mothering is remembering to teach eager little hands how to crack an egg, and not get too upset when they drop it on the floor…because that moment holds an even bigger “deliberate opportunity”. (I write it…but I’m still aspiring to live it.)
A word of friendship, a word of inspiration (“I love that part of who you are”), small moments each day that weave together a strong, beautiful tapestry of who our children will become.
I will interject a word of warning here: the opposite it also true. If the bulk of their days is spent receiving insult and injury, either by a parent or by peers who seem to default to “survival of the fittest”, so much is lost and so much of that tapestry is left thread-bare.
Gigantic days are made up of small, deliberate moments of motherhood. Let’s make them.
How is it that a Word so old can continue to spring fresh every time it is read? You know the story…God asked Solomon what he wanted and Solomon said “wisdom” so God gave it to him, and then some, since he didn’t ask selfishly.
But there is so much more there! And it met me as a mother.
Read:
“Solomon went up there before the LORD to the bronze altar which was at the tent of meeting, and offered a thousand burnt offerings on it.”
I’m sorry, but did you get that? 1,000. I’m no theologian, but I think it was a pretty timely process to offer any burnt offerings. Maybe it was just vegetation offerings, but I’m thinking animals were involved.
Do you know how paltry this makes my pathetic little petitions to God look? My sit-in-my-comfy-chair-with-coffee prayers?
Solomon wanted God to answer him and he was serious about getting His attention. I’m not asserting that God doesn’t listen until we do something radical, but maybe, just maybe, He knows when we are really serious about seeking Him and when we just treat Him as a favor-machine.
So God finally answers, “Ask! What shall I give you?” Or, “What do you want?”
The second part is just as good as the first. Solomon didn’t just ask for wisdom; he had a motive that drove him to ask for that. Solomon said,
“Give me now wisdom and knowledge, that I may go out and come in before this people, for who can rule this great people of Yours?”
He realized that his position as King was grave and his subjects’ health, success and welfare depended on his ability to rule. He asked for them. His heart was such that he gave up his own desires, wants and needs, and asked solely for what those in his charge would need from him.
Wow! He asked for their benefit, and he asked with all his heart, petitioning the Lord with a tenacity few of us could even touch.
Do we press Him? And do we love those in our charge enough to give up rights to ourselves and seek only what is needful for them?
“Give me wisdom for these people in my charge!” Pursue Him until He says, “What do you want?”