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“When people see our big family traipsing through the market or walking to the park or leaving for church squeaking clean or arriving at church slightly dirty because a few of us have already fallen down in the dirt, they say things like, ‘My! You’re busy’ or ‘You have your hands full!’
But, the way I see it, isn’t that the point? Since when is the goal to have your hands empty?
Whether I get it all done or whether I don’t, it doesn’t really matter. Whose tombstone ever said, ‘She was always caught up with her mending’ anyway?”
27 comments
Mothers just treat each other like crap–i’m sorry for the language, but it is just true. Why is that? in every other honored profession valued members help each other be better, but in ours everyone is ready to shoot you down. So sorry.
of course I’d argue that a non-homeschooling, part time employed outside the home mother of (only) two my hands are full too, and I hope I could only get support for that work as you hope for support for your work. . . .
My boys are 22 months and 11 months…and I’m about to have a baby…I get ALL sorts of comments, and even more comments when I say that no, we aren’t trying to “prevent” getting pregnant and that “yes, we do know what causes it”.
Good for you Mrs. W. Congratulations on your expected blessing.
Kelly,
We are all eagerly awaiting and praying for you and your little one.
HA! Then wait until they find out that I home birth…I must be totally irresponsible. LOL.
Amen! I was just telling my husband last night how thankful I am to have “too much to do” ! So many people are lonely with time hanging heavy on their hands. I’m SO thankful the Lord has filled my hands to overflowing.
P.S. I’m praying for you. Hang in there. 🙂
I get that comment with only three! I love it though and my youngest son informed me tonight that we need a girl! I thought that was really cute.
What a wonderful point!
I do think a “Yes, and they’re so much fun!” is a good first response. Often people mirror my positive attitude when they give me the handful comment and I respond like that. Almost every time, the person who commented has smiled back at me and said “Well, they’re wonderful/beautiful/sweet children, for sure”. 🙂
I agree with Margaret.I like to say “Yes, and I wouldn’t have it any other way.”I have got the better you than me comment a lot though.To wich I would like to respond back OH,I AGREE. but I just smile and keep on going.
Looking forward to your announcement, Kelly.
Mrs. W, congratulations on your little ones. My friend has 5 children with a spacing of 12 mths, 14 mths, 16 mths, and 14 mths. Sadly, the youngest is now 13 months, and she had a miscarriage a few months back. But, she told me that they discovered many people with large families that they assumed left things completely in God’s hands asked after #3 about using NFP or birth control to space things out more.
Speaking from her experience, I know that she is starting now to move out of the most challenging time as her oldest is almost 6 and her next almost 5, and they are able to help more.
Heather (mom to 5 children, ages 7 1/2 down to 6 mths)
We only have one….so I have never received that comment. But anytime I see someone with a lot of blessings I respond with “that is awesome.” Early in my walk I was blessed to know a lady with lots of kids so she taught me well early on ;). I find people with not enough to do have plenty of time to comment about your child(ren).
Heather, I don’t want to take this too off-topic, but I have never understood the people that say we should leave our family size in God’s hands, but then use “natural” family planning, which, in my opinion, is anything BUT natural. As far as I know, we are all grown women here, so I’m gonna be blunt…
HOW is it natural to stick a thermometer inside you every day to chart your temperature so that you can abstain from having sex with your husband right at the time of month you MOST desire him? (The Bible says not to have sex while a woman is on her period, or for prayer and fasting, and it has to be an agreement. It doesn’t say that you can abstain so that you don’t make a baby).
Anyway I’ll shut up coz despite what it appears sometimes, I really DON’T want to get into a fight online. I just don’t understand the NFP thing lol.
Anyhow yes, I think it will be easier when my kids get older. The oldest one doesn’t talk much yet, but he is starting to communicate what he wants, even if it’s not by talking. But still he needs nearly everything done for him. I am looking forward to when he and the next one get a little older.
I have been following this blog for a little while, but this is my first post. I really enjoy the insights here. My husband and I have been married two years, have a 10month old son, and have not yet been blessed by any additional children. Hopefully soon…
I just wanted to comment about the NFP. I agree with Mrs. W that if you believe birth control is wrong that NFP would not be appropriate. However if you are trying to space children or are done having children and do not have a moral objection to birth control NFP can be a good alternative to abortion type birth control methods such as the pill, IUDs, etc.
In the Bible (Gen 38:8-10) “withdrawl” was used as a form of BC by Onan. God was not pleased. Just an interesting thought.
Martha, I agree…my point was aimed at those who say bc is wrong but they use a form of bc themselves. I can respect those who think bc is ok using NFP, even though like I said I don’t believe it to be either natural or Biblical.
God was not pleased with Onan because Onan broke the law, not necessarily because of the birth control. I do however find it interesting that the only mention of birth control that I know of in the Bible has negative connotations.
Anyway, with all the discussions about birth control and family planning and family size I have come across lately, I am going to do a post about it on my blog. LOL. Instead of taking over Kelly’s.
Mrs. W.
Obviously, like you said this topic is off-track, BUT, I found it interesting when I studied the case of Onan that apparently the Lord’s anger and punishment was directed specifically at his withdrawal method…
BECAUSE, there was already a punishment in place for a man who refused to father his brother’s children–it involved the wife shaming him by placing her foot on his head in public 😉 Interesting point to ponder.
That is interesting Mrs Kelly, guess I will have to go back and take a look at that. Not that I don’t believe you, I just believe in studying for myself, ya know. Coz I think you are right, I think I remember that. Just never really thought about it much.
Was there a law in place with Onan? The Jewish law wasn’t in existance at the time as that came after the Jews left Egypt. Just a thought. I also was also under the understanding it was the fact that Onan didn’t want Tamar to father his child as the child would belong to his deceased brother. I have to read it again though.
Anyhow, I think any mom is busy whether it be with one or many. 🙂 I only have two children and find my days busy, perhaps in a different way then a mom of many, but I’m still busy. It could be because I don’t really like to be idle. 🙂
Kelly,
I believe you are right about Onan. It wasn’t that he wouldn’t father a child for her, but the fact that he was willing to “enjoy” her without blessing her with a child.
Love it! Of course, I’m already getting these comments with two kids (they happen to both be under 2…until tomorrow, but that’s beside the point), so I have to kind of roll my eyes.
Regarding NFP (sorry Kelly): I have written a very informative post on this method on my own blog addressing the very concerns brought up here: http://applecidermama.blogspot.com/2009/03/openness-to-life-part-iii-natural.html
I won’t go into details here, since it’s all in the post. Basically: If you think you should entirely back off regarding your fertility, then NFP is not for you. However, for those who have SERIOUS reasons not to be open to conception (such as when the mother or child’s life would be at risk) for a time or indefinitely, NFP can be used in a Biblical, faithful manner, and is NOT the same thing as contraception.
Okay, done with my plug.
~Bethany
We have 9 children, and when people comment your hands are really full, i respond, so is my heart…
Well, all I want is for your hands to be FULL with 8 children – TODAY!!!! 😉 LOL!
Jess in Peru
Bethany, I found your post to be full of misinformation. Pray tell, WHAT is “natural” about charting a temperature? Where in the BIBLE does it say it’s ok to abstain so we don’t get pregnant? It doesn’t. So human logic doesn’t matter. And, using “natural” family planning to not get pregnant, is, indeed, contraception.
Thanks, Kelly, for quoting from my blog!!! SO SWEET of you!
I want to preface my comment with: Hebrews 13:4 “Let marriage be held in honor among all, and let the marriage bed be undefiled; for God will judge the immoral and adulterous.” Personally, I have come to understand this instruction to not only refer to the “act” of defilement, but also the verbal betrayal of trust or participation in unseemly discussion of the topic of “marital relations”. Of course what I see as appropriate may be different for another, so I will keep that in mind.
Maybe I shouldn’t get into this, but I wanted to point out that there is a form of “conception control” that does not require anything more than observation of cervical mucus. Abstinence when the cervical mucus is of a certain type can significantly reduce chances of conception and has been proven to be quite effective at postponing pregnancy. Because of the manifestation of notable back and pelvic pain during the last half of my pregnancies, it seems prudent to allow my body to “rest”. We understand that God is the One Who ultimately controls the womb and He has been faithful to prepare our hearts to receive each of our children as blessings, even when our human “wisdom” tried to indicate otherwise.
For a spouse to be selfishly manipulative with the intimate aspect of the relationship is sinful, for sure. To use a form of contraception that is known to end the life of a child is likewise wrong, and I wouldn’t suggest that anyone use those methods. For a professing Christian to deliberately avoid pregnancy so that he/she can simply pursue worldly pleasures would definitely indicate a skewed perspective on what is important. God knows the heart and He will not fail to deal with any disobedient children in an appropriate manner.
But, if a married couple together believes it is not an appropriate time to become pregnant, I believe abstinence is a viable option. Someone may consider it to be unnatural to abstain from marital relations when one or both spouses are “in the mood”. For that person, it may very well be sin to go against her conscience and I am not attempting to convince that person otherwise out of respect for her need to listen to her own conscience before the Lord.
Something to consider, though: True, Godly love is not “natural” and Holy Spirit grown fruit includes patience, kindness, gentleness and *self control*. If concern for the health or mental/emotional well-being of the spouse is the underlying motive, voluntarily refraining from what comes naturally is not only “unnatural” (in a super-natural sense) but is also unselfishly loving (agape).
What I mean is that if, to the best of their understanding, both husband and wife agree that they would prefer to try to avoid a pregnancy (I will not attempt to assign or judge motives here), it takes a supernatural, Christ-like love to be able, out of concern for the well-being of the spouse, to exercise loving, non-grudging self-control over one’s “natural” bodily urges.
I will spare you all my thoughts on Onan for now.
Back on topic: When we had two children, I felt pretty confident of my parenting skills and considered myself to be a “good”, attentive mom. With the addition of each child since, I have been repeatedly humbled and been shown many areas in my own heart which were just plain ugly. Most people I know well still compliment me by saying I am a good mom. But today I will freely admit that although my kids are on loan from God, and I am responsible for how I manage their upbringing, I can in no way pat myself on the back if they “turn out” well. I finally have recognized that God usually works in spite of my efforts rather than because of them.
Being busy with the task the Lord has given me is a great honor, IMO.
Mrs. W- I am sorry that you did not find my post helpful. Others have, and for that I am grateful and humbled. In answer to your questions: 1) The “natural” in natural family planning refers not specifically to the charting of temperatures but to the understanding of the natural cycles of fertility. You can practice NFP both by observing cervical changes/mucus patterns and a combination of this with basal temperature charting. So, charting is not necessarily a part of NFP.
2) Nowhere in the Bible does it specifically state that we may abstain in order not to conceive. Similarly, there is nothing specifically stated in the Bible saying that contraception of any kind is wrong. We understand contraception to be wrong in God’s sight (those of us that do) by understanding the overarching themes of Scripture, not by pulling out a memory verse that “proves” it. I have similar convictions about NFP. Moreover, I am a Catholic, and so interpret Scripture through the lense of Church teaching. (We all use something to interpret Scripture, whether from our denomination or simply our own life experience). I realize that you do not view this in the same way. To me, it is not human logic, but divinely inspired guidance with complete submission to Scripture.
3) Finally, I must continue to disagree that NFP is any way contraceptive. I have done my best to explain this in my post, but as you found it to be unhelpful, I am sure I did not explain it in a way that spoke to you, so I will refrain from attempting to explain again, and leave my opinion as is.
In Christ,
Bethany
On the original topic of receiving the “hands full” comment when out and about….. My oldest son is keeping a mental tally of the times we hear that when we are out and about in our community. But that query generally follows, “Do you run a day care?” or “Are you baby sitting?” As a multi-cultural family it is pretty confusing to some. We just smile and hopefully give a graceful response as ambassadors for Christ. Ok…and mentally spend our “if we had a dollar for every time we heard that” fund 🙂
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