I’m guessing one can only stand so many posts about tornadoes, and I need a break too, so I may be pulling from the archives in the next few weeks until my brain can think about writing again.
For the record, I need to go back to some older posts to help me regroup and gain some motherhood perspective. Despite the enormous presence of God in our midst, life is hard right now as we deal with abnormal stresses on top of a lack of routine and order. And as a woman who already struggled with a lack of patience, this is a whole new plateau of testing for me.
So today’s post is for you and for me.
I recently heard a woman (whose children are grown) lament that she wishes she could do things over with her children. Sometimes I have those laments at the end of the day, wishing I could take back words or tones, wishing I had spent more time doing eternal things and less time stressing over the temporal.
Motherhood is hard. And I don’t want to look back in 20 years wishing to do it all over.
Sometimes I think I’m not a very good mother. The lies are whispered, comparisons made, and I can start to sink in a mire of self-pity.
But a new day dawns and not being one given to despair, I shake my fist at the enemy of my soul and remember “greater is He that is in me”.
Then I regroup and refocus. I remember to keep the main thing the main thing.
Do you need a few mother reminders?
1. Take time to deal with strife in the home, refusing the urge to just “make it stop”. Use Scripture to address harsh words and selfish attitudes. A few of my favorite:
- “Pleasant words are a honeycomb, sweet to the soul and health to the bones.”
- “A soft answer turns away wrath, but a harsh word stirs up anger.”
- “Be kind one to another, with brotherly love, in honor, preferring one another.”
2. Avoid distractions that hinder child training. If necessary, let the phone ring. Set strict parameters around your computer time. Say “no” to excessive outside activities. Be present, body and mind.
3. Taking a walk on a hard day will do wonders to clear your mind and help you gain needed perspective.
4. Put some space between incidents and your response to it. Use opportunities of failure to teach repentance and humility. Much worse than blowing it is the refusal to admit it and ask forgiveness.
5. Assess whether you have emphasized team work in the home, with everyone doing his share. If not, cheerfully reincorporate that into your daily training. It will make a huge difference in how smoothly things run.
Life, learning, joy and growth. Those are the things we want to characterize our homes. Yes, we fall down. But warriors get back up again.
(Need practical help and encouragement as a mom? When Motherhood Feels Too Hard–the book that will change the way you parent.)
18 comments
Kelly,
I think drawing from the archives is an excellent idea. You’ve been through so much in the last several weeks–childbirth, tornado, the aftermath–I can’t fathom the combined effects of all those things!
Rest and refresh yourself in the Lord, sweet sister in Christ! Lifting you up in prayer daily.
.”..but warriors get back up again”…visionary words thank you! I just spoke to a group of homeschool moms about many of the things you mentioned in your article ie., the importance of those little attitudes and actions in our life. Do we want to live with terrible regrets in our old age? Yes, there will be regrets but let’s prayerfully allow the Holy Spirit to make us “real” people in the midst of the sometimes chaotic life of living in the midst of a family.
Praying for you, dear sister! Living without a home is a very very stressful circumstance for a home loving woman!
Jill Farris
http://www.jillcampbellfarris.com
“Living without a home is a very very stressful circumstance for a home loving woman!”
Perfectly articulated 😉
God bless you today, I love your blog and am rooting for you! The past years I have been through alot of stress (no tornadoes!) and have failed at some of the things that you mentioned above, thanks for writing and sharing your heart on this. One of my favorite songs for you……….
God hath not promised, skies always blue
Flower strewn pathways, all our lives through
He hath not told us, we should not know,
Many a burden, many a care
BUT God hath promised, strength for the day
Rest for the labour, light for the way
GRACE for the trials, HELP from ABOVE
Unyielding sympathy, Undying LOVE.
Bless your heart! I’m surprised you have’nt put a “On Hold Until Further Notice” sign on your blog. You have been in my thoughts and prayers.
Your post today was an encouragement for this tired mom. One verse that my children seem to latch onto and repeat is “Where no wood is the fire goes out.” Often when they are starting to bicker or pick at each other I can just say “where no wood is ….” and they get the message. In large group settings it does not sound like a reprimand but my children get the message. (Just thought you might like to add that to your arsenal.) I also love the book “Instruction in Righteousness” by Pam Forster at Doorpost ministries. It catagorizes verses and has been helpful to specifically apply God’s word to each incident. It is an excellent resource that I have found well worth the money!
Timely words. I think we are wired the same…I keep thinking of how I’d cope in your situation. My brain can’t get around it. Going through your archives will enable those of us who are newer readers the opportunity to “catch up” too. : ) God always provides!
I just completed a series on visionarywomanhood.com about our most critical duty of praying for our children. There are two video posts included…my first ever and sort of weird to do. If you’d like to “meet me in person” stop over. ; ) (I’m the Apple Valley Natural Soap lady, in case the tornado tore out any brain Velcro.)
I sent a care package in the mail yesterday. I hope it is a blessing!
“Going through your archives will enable those of us who are newer readers the opportunity to ‘catch up’ too.”
So true, Natalie. I started going through the archives this year, when we first got internet at home. You will enjoy them…good stuff!
I have thought of you often since discovering your blog just after the tornado. My heart goes out to you and your precious family.
While I have never experienced the loss of a home, nor a tornado, I have experienced many trials and tribulations over the years. During those most difficult times, I have done my best to ask the question, “What is really important, right now?”
While homeschooling is important, it may not be the MOST important thing for you to do each day. Teaching our children at home entails so much more than textbooks or research papers.
10 years ago, while driving with my 8 children, we were hit by a semi-truck. We had 105 doctor’s appointments in the first 5 weeks. I could do hardly any of the household work for 6 months (and we have no involved extended family). We learned to take each day at a time, and to do only what was absolutely important for that day.
At the end of the year, I had to close up our textbooks and workbooks and NOT WORRY that they hadn’t been completed. It was okay. My children still learned a LOT that year … how to work as a team … how to have compassion and understanding … how to work through pain (many of them also had neck and back injuries). I know that your family will grow through this, and come out stronger in the end (even though it is NOT fun to walk through).
I now have 6 young adult children. And … I really do not regret how they were raised. I was certainly not the perfect mother, but I did my very best, seeking the Lord for His will and His wisdom. Our goal as parents was to “raise up our children to love and serve the Lord”. Regardless of academic abilities … regardless of chosen career paths … our definition of “success” would be for each of our children to love the Lord. Thankfully, our goal was accomplished. What more could we ask?
Now … with 6 young ones still at home … I continue to seek the Lord. I continue to learn and grow as a mama. I continue to walk through serious trials.
Praying for you, as you seek the Lord during this most difficult time.
Laurel 🙂
Laurel,
Love your perspective–after you have 6 or so grown, looking back is certainly humbling, thank God for His mercy!
Sherry
I’ve been noticing the outpouring of support for you around the blog world. There is a sewing bee for you! As a sister in Christ, there is one thing that troubles my heart. So very many people have lost everything, I wonder if it is appropriate for so much to go to a single family? Especially as you will have to pay taxes on that money! I wonder if there could not be a matching fund of a dollar for you, and then perhaps a dollar to the Red Cross? Do others here feel the same?
I hope you will read this in the loving manner it was intended. My sister in law lives in Alabama, and she tells me of terrible suffering. Although I am a home-schooling mother too, I want to do right by all.
Cassandra,
Very thought-provoking comment. Thank you for asking whether others here feel the same. Here are my two cents…
You commented on the outpouring of support for Kelly around the blog world, and went on to wonder whether “it is appropriate for so much to go to a single family” when there are families who have lost everything. I would respectfully submit, Cassandra, that there’s more to this picture than assessing who’s lost how much, and who’s receiving how much aid.
First of all, I believe this outpouring of support for Kelly and her family is a beautiful expression of how we as Christians should respond when God gives us a gift through one of His servants. Kelly has given so much of herself through her blog. She has taken what the Lord has laid on her heart and presented it for our encouragement and edification and God’s glory. Many women, including myself, have been blessed by her work here. The outpouring of support we’re seeing for Kelly are due in part to the gratitude of many for all the ways she has served us, in my estimation. As members of the Body of Christ, when we receive, we want to give back.
I don’t mean to sound like we should only give to those who have first given something to us. But at the same time, Cassandra, I don’t believe that the generosity shown to Kelly is taking away from the relief available to others who lost everything, that we need some sort of formula (one dollar to you, one dollar to the Red Cross…) Let’s let the Holy Spirit be our guide, rather than a formula based only on present earthly circumstances.
In conclusion, Cassandra, I certainly believe we can consider current needs when choosing our level of giving to various families affected by the storms, but I don’t think it’s appropriate to suggest how Kelly should use the funds she has received (the matching funds idea). I appreciate your heart for those who lost everything, though, and I do believe that God will provide for everyone affected by moving the hearts of His people to give of our time, talents and treasures as the Lord leads.
Thank you for reading this lengthy reply!
Kelly,
If I was in your shoes, I would be struggling with the same things–chaos when a large family needs order–especially with a new baby in the mix.
Just know that I have been praying for you specifically in this regard for the past few weeks!
Much love,
Sherry
Thank you for the post and for letting us know how you are doing. We love you and you are in our prayers. May the God of peace continue to give you the strength you need as you walk through this trial with Him.
Nice reminders. Still praying for you and your family. The beauty from ashes that I see in you? That through all of this your knowing God has brought you through all this. You believe God and His promises. Your family has such a strong witness because you have chosen to exercise the faith God has given to you, not hide it.
Really an encouragement to those who read you, me too!!!
I love this! Thank you for your frequent encouragement and I hope our responses make you feel embraced! I think about you and your family often!
..”but warriors get back up again”…..so encouraging to hear! Thank you!
Thank you for such encouraging words!
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