5 Ways to Be a Really Great Mom (When You Feel Like a Bad One)

Now that I’ve been a parent for 23 years, I realize that all my good intentions about what kind of parent I was going to be before I actually had children was a lot more intention and less reality.

The truth is, it seems so simple (and in some senses it is) to be a great mom until you’re in the thick of it and suddenly, “What. on. earth??!!”

To begin with, no two children are alike. Ever. (I kept having them to see, and you can trust me on this one.) There is nothing like diversity to throw your one-size-fits-all parenting askew.

Also, when you’re anticipating parenting, before you actually are one, there is so much less life to live, so much less stress somehow, less distractions, and more of you.

So then, you wake up one day to find yourself in survival mode, trying to keep the children alive, and somehow, this is not how you envisioned motherhood would be.

Get my devotion for moms, When Motherhood Feels Too Hard

“I find myself coming back to it daily (or even a few times on those really hard days!) to “recharge” and to redirect my focus back to nurturing the precious souls God has entrusted to my husband and me. If you also find yourself losing focus, getting caught up in how draining everything can be, I’d encourage you to read this book and feel refreshed!”-Amazon review

So when it comes down to it, what does it take to be a really great mom anyway?

What is the best thing you can do for your kids? Today? How can you leave the kind of legacy where people (especially our children) remember the important things about you?

1. 1. Love your kids deeply and don’t fret about your imperfections. God made kids extraordinarily forgiving (He probably knew, don’t you think?) and they really do remember more of the good than the bad. So when you blow it, ask forgiveness sincerely, but don’t beat yourself up about it. That will rob you of the energy you need to be a great mom going forward. If you love them deeply, they know that. They will look over your weaknesses probably more than you.

1. 1. Don’t get so bogged down with trivial things in life that you forget to laugh. Laughing speaks volumes to your children. It tells them you’re OK (and that is sooooo important to children). It tells them you enjoy them and that you like being where you are. It tells them you are grateful. Is there a greater gift we could give them than modeling gratitude? And laughing is good for you too, so try to do it more.

1. 1. Let them into your life. Do you know what I mean by that? So we’re busy and there are lots of things going on and it’s so tempting to want to push them aside while we do our things or to trivialize what’s important to them because it isn’t important to us. Do you understand the difference it will make, in your child’s eyes, if you care about their frog stories? Or their colored picture? Or if they’re older, maybe even things you wish they didn’t care so much about? When you stop and listen and tell them with your face that they are important to you, you will become important to them.

1. 1. Take a lesson from Horton the Elephant: Mean what you say and say what you mean. It will make yours and their lives so much more peaceful. We spend half our time in frustration because we announce our expectations, our children test us/don’t take us seriously/goof around/whatever and then we don’t follow through with consequences–not real ones. We DO yell and fuss and fume and pout. But those aren’t the reactions that make us great moms OR change the situation. (Dear Lord, pleeeeeaaase help me remember this one!) If you tell them to clean up the kitchen and they don’t, just calmly announce that they have lost x privilege because they didn’t take you seriously and “now go clean up the kitchen.” Or your consequence of choice. They will respect you for it and you can parent with more calmness instead of chaos.

1. Pray for them and pray with them and pray around them. Give them the gift of a praying mom. I promise you, when the going gets rough (and it likely will), you’ll be the first one they come to.

Now we can do those things, right? We won’t do them perfectly, but we can commit to doing them more and more until they become habits and we are rocking the Mom Life.