Raising children who do their work cheerfully (or at least without grumbling) and have a heart for serving is a big deal to us. I think it should be a big deal to any Christian family. But children usually don’t just “serve naturally.” None of us does, though some possess more of a gift for serving.
In addition to teaching our children that “Christ came not to be served, but to serve”, I think we must be proactive toward developing that characteristic, especially in a culture where “others first” is so foreign. Below is a portion of an article I wrote for Homeschool Enrichment Magazine about raising children who love to help:
The Power of Words:
“The words that you speak to your children will largely impact the kind of children they will become, and the character they will develop. “As a man thinketh in his heart, so is he.” It is up to parents, to guide “the thinking of the heart.” Words are your most powerful weapon in shaping the thinking of your children. Let me give you an example of something I might say to help my children develop a heart for serving :
(Stop what I’m doing, and kneel down, looking into the child’s eyes…) “I just saw you pick up the toys that you got out. Do you know what a blessing that is to me? When you help like that, your little sisters and brothers see you, and then they want to help. What you just did was so responsible and diligent. I am so proud of the way you are a part of this team.”
Of course we affirm our children just for being who they are; but there are practical steps to building their character.
What about a child who struggles with being a “team member”? These children need extra amounts of praise, and sometimes discipline for their lack of cooperation. But I try to look especially hard for small steps in the right direction, and then just make a really big deal about it. You will be amazed at the difference it makes!
Another thing that works well as you praise their efforts, is to point them out to the other children, and later to their Dad. Sometimes I stop and say, “Everybody come look at ______…she is doing such a great job washing dishes!” And then I may turn to the child and say “I am so glad God gave you to us…you are a gift!”
A point to be made about the power of words, is that you can completely change a person’s habits by speaking about him the way you wish he were. Not lying, mind you, but taking every tiny opportunity to speak in a positive direction. Sometimes, if a child is struggling with completing tasks in a timely manner, I will just say one day, “Wow, you are so fast! You really got that job done quickly!” And it instantly sparks the desire in them to be more efficient.
It is all about expressing through various ways, that your children are valuable, that they are an important part of your family, that they are significant. Everyone wants to feel like his existence is meaningful; it is your job to communicate that. The tendency is to wait until they are older to communicate such things, but that is a mistake. You must begin at a very early age expressing your deepest appreciation and love to them. I think, tragically, this is one of the missing elements of modern families. Because each member is involved in his or her own pursuits, there is little time for the members to feel like they belong together, working toward a common goal. They all have different friends, different schedules, different interests. I fear that much of the rebellion Christian parents are experiencing from their children is related to the lack of “ties” among the family members.”
So it helps me to remember, as I go throughout my day, that this time-consuming but important job of building character through reminder, praise, correction and family ties is worth it.
