Category:

motherhood/family/parenting

Let’s Get Organized!

by Kelly Crawford March 19, 2009

written by Kelly Crawford

I envy those of you who have discipline and order in your veins–it’s not in mine. A friend asked me the other day, “How do you do it all“. My surprised response? “Oh my goodness, I DON’T!

I feel like my life work comes in waves; I focus on projects in spurts of time, so that other things often get ignored–like my house.

Don’t get me wrong–we “clean”. But with a big family, cleaning house involves more picking up than anything else, and it seems we hardly ever get past the surface.

So, when my sweet, steady, biggest-concern-of-the-day-is-clean-underwear husband gently asked me, “Honey, what can I do to help you?” I knew that was my sign.

In God’s providence, he sent Olivia again, my “house cleaning angel”, just on the exact day that I woke up resolved to be a better manager of my home. She, I, and my daughters got to work (the boys went with Dad to artificially inseminate the cow–eh, maybe that subject on another day.)

Of course an event like this can’t be left unblogged ;-D So, while it may be TMI for you (Aaron said, “Are you sure you want to put this on your blog?”), I thought I’d share a sneak peek at a few areas we tried to tackle. I’ll spread them out over several days to keep from boring you to tears. I’m hoping you’ll find some small inspiration (and relief)???

(By the way, the classical music playing in the background wasn’t planned for the video 😉 It’s what my daughter does when she needs cleaning inspiration.)

March 19, 2009 14 comments

I’m Not Against Feminists, Only Feminism

by Kelly Crawford March 17, 2009

written by Kelly Crawford

I’ll not post the other Mary Kassian videos (makes the pages load slower) as you can easily get to the other ones by clicking on the next parts from the bottom of yesterday’s clip. I strongly encourage you to watch them.

And though I’ve said it so many times before, still, proponents of feminism seem to take my stand against feminism personally.

Let me say that I believe MOST feminists think that feminism was meant for the good of women. So when I speak against it, it seems I’m “against women” or against those who claim feminism. When in fact, the opposite is true. I’m not against you, only the deception and destruction behind the movement.

After careful study of feminism, I believe with all my heart that its roots are planted in Marxism, a movement started by a MAN, and as he clearly stated, his agenda was to “get women out of the home” in order to break down the family in order to create a socialist society.

“major social transformations are impossible without ferment among the women.” –Karl Marx

He acknowledged that women had tremendous power and influence when they were training their children, supporting their husbands and strengthening their communities. He knew his agenda could not be accomplished until he weakened and/or destroyed that power.

Of course you can’t tell women that, so what happened? A movement was begun to convince women they were powerless in the home but if they could just throw off the shackles of their traditional roles, then they would be able to wield REAL power.

The lie continues, and feminism was conveniently constructed around the false premise that “women are inferior” and needed to be freed.

Unfortunately, there WERE women from history being abused. So the feminists agenda used this as a platform for their message. The truth is, the abuse wasn’t coming from a traditional, biblical view of marriage and home. Abuse exists and continues to exist (feminism has NOT reduced that abuse but increased it) because of sin and fallen man. The fact that there are more broken homes, destitute children, abandoned, abused and exploited women than there ever has been should be enough evidence to conclude that feminism didn’t deliver.

I hear feminists say, “we are only about choice…we don’t try to squelch your choice to be a mother, so why are you “against” us?”

Again, such who speak are not aware of the deeper roots of feminism. Consider this quote by feminist/socialist Simone de Beauvoir:

“No woman should be authorized to stay at home to raise her children. Society should be totally different. Women should not have that choice, precisely because if there is such a choice, too many women will make that one.”

And I said all that just to say…

I am not against the proponents of feminism. I believe most of them mean nothing but good, they are simply not aware of the full scope of the agenda. I speak against feminism only because I care about women, children and families. If you want to attack me for that, then I guess there is really nothing I could say; I’ll have to take the darts.

For some enlightening reading about the roots and history of feminism and Betty Friedan, go to Marxism and the roots of Radical Feminism

“In his recent book Perestroika, Mikhail Gorbachev reflected on 70 years of Russian turmoil: “We have discovered that many of our problems — in children’s and young people’s behavior, in our morals, culture and in production — are partially caused by the weakening of family ties.”

Fem-socialists, hell-bent on achieving a genderless society, are now scheming to repeat the same disastrous experiment in Western society. Naturally, they are hoping that you not hear the story of family destruction in Soviet Russia.

But the truth is there, waiting to be grasped by anyone who cares to see.”

March 17, 2009 55 comments

feminism marriage motherhood/family/parenting

Feminism…Mary Kassian…"You’ve Come a Long Way Baby!"

by Kelly Crawford March 16, 2009

written by Kelly Crawford

“Alvin Toffler, the author of Future Shock called The Feminine Mystique the book that pulled the trigger on history. Indeed, once woman accepted this very basic premise of needing and trusting no other authority except her own, personal truth, she set her foot on a path that would take her, and ultimately the whole of society, in a direction diametrically opposed to the heart and the purposes and the ways of God.”

Yvonne Welch, a woman dear to my heart who has had a profound influence on my life, told me of a speaker I needed to hear who was featured on Nancy Leigh DeMoss. (Mrs. Welch has an interview on DeMoss’s show also, if you’d like to look it up.)

Once I started listening, I couldn’t stop. I gathered my oldest daughter to listen with me, and the only words I can think of to describe this historically accurate, intelligent and profoundly important discussion about the impact of feminism are…STANDING OVATION.

Put it on while you wash the dishes, or make it part of your school day. However you need to make time, I think this series is crucial–not only in helping us understand and hold on to truth in a wavering culture, but to help us give an accurate answer to those who question.

Each part is only around 9 minutes long….you’ll be glad you listened; well, most of you 😉

(BTW, she is a professor of women’s studies at a theological seminary, so she breaks the mold of the typical assertions made of women who embrace biblical gender roles….thought some would find that interesting.)

March 16, 2009 38 comments

homeschooling motherhood/family/parenting

Conversation: A Practical Tool for Homeschooling

by Kelly Crawford March 16, 2009

written by Kelly Crawford

I try to revisit my own ebook on relaxed homeschooling from time to time. (Funny how easy it is to forget one’s own advice.)

In Think Outside the Classroom, I tried to offer practical application to the relaxed method of homeschooling.

Even if you are not a relaxed homeschooler, any and all of these methods could be applied to enhance your process of home education.

Some are very simple, like the concept below in an excerpt from the book, but its very simplicity is what causes us to look right over it.

“Conversation.

One of the most basic tools in a parent’s hands for teaching his children is conversation. One of the missing elements of a classroom setting is good dialog. It’s overlooked because it seems so simple, but keep my language analogy in mind.

Dialog, or conversation, is so vitally important to the educational process and to human existence itself. Tragically, the typical American is becoming less and less equipped in this area. The constant access to television, video games, computers and radio keeps us so distracted that we are losing the art of conversation (we can hardly even find a restaurant that doesn’t have a TV in each corner)! Worse yet, as our ability to verbally communicate diminishes, so does our power to defend our faith to the world around us.

As I talk to even my youngest children throughout the day, I try to engage them verbally and intellectually. When we go for a walk, whether I’m with my two-year old or my fourteen year old, I point out as many details about things we see as I can. For example, my two-year old naturally sees the bright red flower, so she stops to ooh and ahh over it. “Fower, mommy,” she says. “Yes, that’s a red clover…isn’t it pretty? I think the colors are brilliant, don’t you? Bees like red clover.” I may go on and on, using different words besides “brilliant”, so she hears a variety of the same-meaning words.

Silly? Think back to how we talk to a child who hasn’t yet learned to speak. We repeat things. And the more they hear them, the more they learn. Use some words that are above your child’s understanding…remember, all words used to be above his understanding! This is a real, living education.

After embracing the importance of conversation for some time, I recently heard Geoffrey Botkin, a father of five brilliant children who are having a huge impact on our culture through writing books and creating media products, say, ‘Most of our homeschooling was accomplished through conversation.’ “

From Think Outside the Classroom: A Relaxed Approach to Homeschooling

March 16, 2009 8 comments

motherhood/family/parenting working moms

New Job for Laid-off Moms: Stay at Home Motherhood

by Kelly Crawford March 13, 2009

written by Kelly Crawford

Jess in Peru sent me this interesting article peppered with sadness as well as pleasant reflections. And as always, blessings often come in disguise:

“Lucas and other laid-off women like her are involuntarily experiencing the life of a stay-at-home mom, and they are getting to know a lot more about the details of their children’s daily existence. They are also discovering some of the things they have been missing.”

“…when she (Lucas) went to the pediatrician’s office, the nurses were so used to seeing the nanny that they didn’t recognize Lucas.”

“After years in which her husband was the main caregiver, she is finding the time off with her children to be an unexpected blessing.”

But unfortunately, the blessing of being home isn’t enough to most…

“I can’t say I’ve seen any mothers who see being laid off as a positive thing,” says Jessica Polsky, a career counselor at New York’s Metropolitan Council on Jewish Poverty. “Even if it’s $10 an hour that they made, it’s something, and they really needed it. They need to get out and get new jobs.”

“She also learned something from her brief experience being laid off: Financial pressures aside, she prefers working.” (emphasis mine)

This commentary–and I hear it all the time–is sad to me because it encapsulates a common mentality…”What I WANT to do is really all that matters.” There is often no real thought about what is best for my children and family…about sacrificing my desires for the good of someone else. (Disclaimer: A general mentality, not the one of every mother.) And it’s so easy to camouflage our wants behind the facade of necessity.

In an effort to be sensitive to real financial pressures (of which I know much), there are still almost ALWAYS alternatives to the financial crunch. (The first of which is living on less.)

The real issue, I think, is that at the core, we think it doesn’t really matter either way. That if a woman wants to be home with her family, great. If she doesn’t, no harm done. (This is our hard-fought freedom, right?) In the name of choice we have come to see motherhood as a peripheral activity, children as options to raise, despite so much evidence that families thrive when Mom is home. Motherhood ceases to even be considered a profession, much less a preferred one.

Despite all the criticism I get for my stance on this issue, it’s not about my trying to exert “an old-fashioned ideal” over women; it’s about urging us to think about what is best for the family, for our children, for society. It’s about caring for women. Urging them to understand that home is not a prison, but a haven through which the world is changed. If it ever sinks in how important raising our children is, we would sacrifice almost anything to do it.

Yes, I know, there are rare instances when a mom has to work outside the home. But I’m addressing the attitude of “optional child-rearing” here.

I think of an analogy…suppose you were hired as an ICU nurse. But, you felt stifled in those tiny rooms, despite the fact your patients needed your constant care. So, after a strike, the nurses in your unit gained the freedom to take a second job in addition to their ICU position. They still had to come check in a couple times a day, but they were now free to go find a more exciting job.

Goody. The nurses have been freed. But what about their patients?

The truth hasn’t changed…when the family suffers, we all suffer. The voice of feminism says, in essence, “we don’t care about the consequences…we only care about ourselves–our rights–our freedoms.” It is cloaked in good intentions–“Fighting for the rights of women”–when all the while, the children are the ones who have suffered from our “freedom”. And that’s no small thing. Those same children are becoming who we are as a nation.

May the Lord use this difficult economic time to remind us of the most important things.

Full article New Job: Stay at Home Motherhood

March 13, 2009 54 comments

motherhood/family/parenting

Teaching Children Manners: Clothing & Appearance

by Kelly Crawford March 12, 2009

written by Kelly Crawford

Have we ever lived in a day when people were more selfish about their attire? Our humanistic indoctrination is so strong, we absolutely loathe the idea of any form of social expectations with our clothing and appearance.

And yet, years ago, it was unthinkable to not follow a respectable, social norm for dress. Until only the last decade or so, social establishments enforced strict guidelines about employees’ appearance; now I’m shocked at what is allowed.

The motto now is, “This is me…if you don’t like it, get over it.”

A far cry from the once unspoken motto of, “I want to dress in a way that shows respect for myself and especially others.”

Torn jeans, shocking body piercings, shabby clothing, vulgar slogans…these are a few examples of what is considered standard in public.

And I’ve noticed the lines that once separated proper attire for different events has been blurred. Church, weddings, business meetings–there isn’t as much emphasis put on “dressing the part” anymore.

I submit that we need to teach our children that what we wear speaks volumes about who we are, but MOST IMPORTANTLY, speaks our heart toward other people.

I’m not talking about dressing ostentatiously (that reveals its own problems), or requiring a lot of money for your wardrobe, or even dressing up all the time.

I’m talking about simple, common sense attire.

Clothing that reveals too much of my privacy is obviously not considerate.

Clothing that is shabby, ripped, torn, grungy–shouldn’t be acceptable for general social events (unless I’m painting, maybe?)

Weird, bizarre fashions smack of rebellion or a deep sense of insecurity.

We could get into all kinds of details about what should or shouldn’t be acceptable, and granted, every individual is different and by all means should express that individuality in his or her appearance–within limits.

But it is my opinion that many of our fads are a slap in the face of civility and manners, and yet parents are determined to let their children “express themselves” instead of putting others first in this area too.

Let’s teach our children that a few minutes given to accomplish a neat, tidy appearance is so rewarding…to us, and to those around us.

March 12, 2009 16 comments

motherhood/family/parenting

Teaching Children Manners: Attentiveness

by Kelly Crawford March 11, 2009

written by Kelly Crawford

If you’re careful to observe the youth culture, you might notice that kids are more likely to be self-revolving and less likely to be attentive to the needs of others around them.

Whether it be something as small as watching the tone of their voices around other people (or their language), or something a bit bigger like offering to take the cart of an elderly person back to its place, children are not being taught to notice the needs of others, much less to put those needs before their own.

(Most adults fall into this category as well, which is simply the result of not being taught as children.)

(I personally think the public school system is set up to do the opposite of training youngsters to be thoughtful of others, yet ironically, homeschool naysayers often question…“Well don’t you want them to learn to get along with others?” I’m always confused that we don’t seem to make the connection…I digress again 😉

Of course the outward expression of serving must come from an inward understanding and desire to serve, which is an ongoing training mission for the parent (one more labor-intensive job that few take the time to do.)

Again we point back to Scripture….“he who is first will be last…”…”he who desires to save his life must lose it…”…”you also ought to wash one another’s feet”…“be ye kind one to another…”

Boy, how we could impact the world for Christ by such a simple measure as teaching our children to attend to the needs of others!

Being attentive to others’ needs must start within the family, just like most any character trait. A phrase we have recently started trying to encourage our children to ask is, “How can I help?” (We got that from Greg Harris.)

That phrase is intended to train their eyes to see around them and look out for things beyond themselves that need to be done. Delaying self-gratification, if need be, for the good of others.

Little ones should be taught young. Simple habits to form are:

Having them take their plates/cups to the sink (remind them that this helps or serves the one doing dishes).
Making sure they pick up the things they get out. It’s constant, yes, but it will pay. “Don’t leave a mess for someone else to pick up” is our mantra.
Encouraging boys to open doors and be alert to carry things for the girls or Mom. Feminists hate this, but a queen loves it. 😉
Encouraging them to let others go first. Jumping to the front of every line is rude and I see teenagers do it all the time.
Model the example. Let your children see you offering to help others–even strangers in public.
Cleaning off your table at a fast food restaurant. We don’t have to, but it’s courteous.
I suppose the list could go on and on. Small things that communicate “there’s more to life than ME”.

And any time we are visiting another family, we try to encourage our children to at least offer with clean-up.

We also talk a lot about how work is heavy if it falls on one or two people, but “many hands make light work” when shared.

At the core of attentiveness is teaching our children that life is not to be lived individually, like the culture tries to teach us. It is not about “looking out for #1“; it’s about working and serving together as a family, putting others first, and then having that attitude extend to people wherever we go.

Attentiveness could wear many hats, and is a simple concept. But what a contrast in a self-centered day!

March 11, 2009 16 comments

motherhood/family/parenting

Teaching Children Manners: Shyness

by Kelly Crawford March 11, 2009

written by Kelly Crawford

In an attempt to address some very practical applications of child-training, I thought we’d take a few days to discuss public manners and social etiquette.

Of course, it must be established up front that these things are important, and we must know why they are important.

Everyone has different reasons, but from a Christian standpoint, we try to teach our children that manners are simply a tangible form of “loving your neighbor as yourself.”

But even for the non-Christian, I think we can all agree that a well-socialized person experiences more success and contributes more to society than one who is not.

Sadly, it seems harder and harder to find courteous, well-mannered people. And on the extreme end of the spectrum, we find people who can’t even function in society and go on unexplainable shooting rampages. But I digress.

We have had a shy one in our bunch and I know that often parents are uncertain of how to handle a shy child.

On the one hand, we want them to be who they are, and we accept that some children are naturally less out-going than others.

Yet, we expect them to be courteous, even it means breaking out of their comfort zones enough to speak when spoken to.

The way we have dealt with this can be summed up in a few practical training sessions:

Tell them what is expected. Beginning at around the age of 2, they can understand a simple command like “Answer someone when they ask you a question”, or “When someone says ‘hi’, you say ‘hi’ back.

1. Practice at home. They will be more confident if they have acted out and know exactly what the social situation may look like.

2. Practice with friends. We have explained to friends before that we are working on helping a shy child respond, and will have them directly ask a few questions.

3. Remind them right before a social situation. Before you walk into the grocery store, simply say, “If someone says ‘hi’ to you, remember to say ‘hi’ back.” You may even ask if they want to practice.

4. Distinguish between defiance and fear/confusion. There may be a time when the child knows what is expected and simply refuses to comply. Such behavior is considered disobedience and is dealt with accordingly. Sometimes, though, they just need some extra nudging or practicing

5. Simply put, a shy child still has no reason to refuse to speak to others in a brief, courteous way.

Our shy one now has no problem speaking to others; she isn’t expected to be bubbly or verbose, but a smiling response is expected and she has risen to the task.

March 11, 2009 24 comments

motherhood/family/parenting

The Destiny of Nations

by Kelly Crawford March 10, 2009

written by Kelly Crawford

Irony of ironies…we live in a world where a family who is committed to raising up children is often scorned for being selfish. When in fact, it is the ultimate lesson in selflessness…not only in terms of what the parent is learning, but what they are giving back to the world.

“What are you doing with all those children?!”

“I’m raising your future.”

“To be a mother is the grandest vocation in the world. No one being has a position of such power and influence. She holds in her hands the destiny of nations; for to her is necessarily committed the making of the nation’s citizens.” —Hannah Whitall Smith

March 10, 2009 11 comments

motherhood/family/parenting

A Little Help For Families

by Kelly Crawford March 9, 2009

written by Kelly Crawford

As we seek to raise God-honoring children in a God-hating society, one of the most beneficial things we have found is to expose our children to other positive role models, both in our personal lives and abroad.

One such inspiration has been the four sisters that make up the Eden String Quartet. We had purchased this DVD for our daughter, and it has been a huge blessing. The DVD gives a candid peek into the Miller family, with honest encouragement for Dads, Moms and children alike.

They talk of home life, struggles, joys and life on the farm.

Besides that, the incredible musical concerts are hard to beat for entertainment!

motherhood/family/parenting

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