motherhood/family/parenting

We are blessed to be surrounded by productive, capable young women–women of the most astounding talents and gifts I’ve ever seen.

This has been a great inspiration to my daughters (and me) and I think the pursuit of production and industry is a lost aim in our day. Perhaps it is because we are such a culture of entertainment and amusement, but we the people of God should be “busy with our hands”, starting by teaching our young.

This productivity could take many forms…I think it mainly involves tapping into your daughter’s interests and gifts, exposing her to ideas and experience, and then enabling her to put into practice that which fits her design.

Just a few examples of the young ladies around us who stay busy and thrive in different areas:

• Music
• art (it’s all an art, really)
• sewing
• culinary skills
• specialized gardening (herbs, etc.)
• photography
• raising animals (for profit)…
• floral arranging (you should see the talent that blesses the decor of our church)

The list is really endless. And when I speak of “sewing or cooking”, one may think of simply preparing meals for the family or replacing a button–which is one of the most important uses. But some of these ladies have also turned their gifts into businesses making costumes or catering.

An interest in art could turn into a homemade card-making business.

And let me emphasize that while a business CAN spin out of these ideas, that’s NOT the main point of industry.

When we seek to develop productivity in the family, several benefits follow. Our own families are benefited (hardly a family has to purchase a gift when productivity is nurtured there besides other money-saving benefits), others are blessed–the ministry opportunities abound in a home where gifts and creativity is nurtured, and the community/church becomes stronger through sharing gifts. My husband and I aren’t nearly as worried about paying for 5 6 weddings as we once were.

By the way, you may think that if YOU aren’t skilled in many areas your daughter won’t be able to learn to be productive. Not true!

My daughter is becoming quite skilled in sewing–I can hardly sew at all! She has either taught herself (I provided the fabric and sewing machine), or asked another young lady to help teach her. She also plays the violin and I do not.

I would encourage you to look around; expose her to music and art when the opportunity arises. This doesn’t have to be an expensive symphony trip. Check your library for concerts and art displays; play CDs and DVDs of talented artists (I mentioned the Eden String Quartet being of great inspiration to my children); get together with other families you know who share a love of creativity and productivity.

As our daughters grow in the grace and beauty of the Lord, allowing Him to hone and use their gifts, our cornerstones become stronger, and the structures around us steadier.

Added:

Kim’s comment reminded me to encourage you to go to my friend, Kathy’s blog for practical resources to help you on your journey to being productive and creative! She is oozing with talent and has a passion for teaching other women.

 Raising Cornerstone Daugthers, Strength Part 1

Raising Cornerstone Daugthers, Cheerfulness & Gratitude Part 2

Raising Cornerstone Daugthers, Honor Your Father Part 3

Cheerfulness and Gratitude…

They are a choice, aren’t they? Have you ever known someone who was in the habit of griping? Or being negative? Or looking at “what’s wrong” instead of what could be right?

It is so important that when our daughters our young (and sons too, of course!) that we help them develop a spirit of cheerfulness, gratitude and joy! In fact, one’s attitude greatly determines his success and achievement in life!

Ouch.

There again, it starts with us. I want to challenge you (and myself) to monitor what comes out of our mouths–just for today. Notice whether there are words of optimism, gratitude and cheerfulness, or whether we tend toward negative thoughts and words.

So much of our attitude is seeping in to form theirs! While you’re monitoring your words, try to focus on framing them in a positive way.

Instead of, “What a mess! We’re never going to get all this cleaned up!” Say something like, “Wow…OK, hold up your hands…how many hands do we have? That’s a lot of hands so we should be able to clean this up really quickly!”

Just to give you an idea of what I’m talking about 😉

Or when you hear a little one pose a negative statement, help her restate it in a more positive light. And of course, reminding them of our daily blessings can be a real help. (Count your blessings, name them one by one!)

I am often SO guilty of negative words!!! But what a blessing when our mouths become “springs of life” to those around us.

Another tip–if you are in the habit of ungratefulness, sing. Singing is a great way to “bend the heart” in a different direction (if you’re singing the right songs!)

Let our lives be adorned by cheerfulness and gratitude. What a blessing to each other and to the world around us. These are cornerstones that will keep our structure sturdy.

Raising daughters… wonderful, challenging, and usually very convicting. We can’t raise our daughters to be something we are not at least aspiring to be ourselves!

For many of us, the concept of “raising polished cornerstones” is new; and that means we are breaking many of our own bad habits, trying to replace them with good ones. How many times have I asked myself…”How can I raise my daughters to be ________ if I can’t manage it myself!”

But, that is not reason to just give up. We are never allowed to give up or delegate this job! We must always press on, persevere, and keep asking God for transformation in our own lives to be wrought into the lives of our children.

So in talking about training our daughters, really, it’s about training ourselves–they will become very much like us, imitating our daily responses to life. (This is one more reason I feel it’s so important for us to BE with our children…they will become like those they are with the most.)

Back to the definition in the last post of “cornerstone” to draw some application for our job:

“The cornerstone (or foundation stone) concept is derived from the first stone set in the construction of a masonry foundation, important since all other stones will be set in reference to this stone, thus determining the position of the entire structure.”

The first picture that comes to my mind about training daughters to be this “determining position” is strength and sturdiness.

Not the world’s definition, mind you, of “anything you can do, I can do better”…

But a strength of character that anchors her against life. Words that come to mind of a strong woman are “serenity, peaceful, self-controlled, calm”. I want to be, and I want my daughters to be unmoved by life’s ever-changing circumstances.

And for women, this is a supernatural act of God! Aren’t we prone to fear, anxiety, frustration and wildly escalating emotions??!! My hand is raised.

“Your beauty should not come from outward adornment, such as braided hair and the wearing of gold jewelry and fine clothes. Instead, it should be that of your inner self, the unfading beauty of a gentle and quiet spirit, which is of great worth in God’s sight.” I Peter 3:3,4

The Bible says that calmness of disposition is BEAUTIFUL. It is strong. It is necessary to become the cornerstone of a strong family.

Whew! That’s enough for me to chew on for a while! How do we start? Recite the verse. Recite and pray for the desired trait–

“Lord, make me a woman marked by a steady trust in You…help me respond to every circumstance with wisdom, discretion, serenity and confidence that You are sovereign over everything. Let me be a cornerstone, not easily moved.”

Bathe in the Word! Memorize it and say it! “And be not conformed to this world but be TRANSFORMED by the renewing of your mind…”

THEN, let’s talk to our daughters about these traits. Use the words, pray with them as well, to become this kind of woman. Look for other women who demonstrate these traits and praise them for those.

It really is simpler than we may think…you become like that which you meditate on. What are you reading? What are you watching? Who are you spending time with? Who are your role models? Think on the things you wish to become.

Cornerstone women, not Cosmopolitan women.

“May our sons be as plants grown up in their youth, And our daughters as corner-stones hewn after the fashion of a palace;” Psalm 144:12

This verse has been on my mind lately; but not just the verse, the tremendous responsibility that goes along with it for us parents, particularly mothers.

I’m thinking of daughters, as I look at my own. “Like cornerstones”.

I want you to pay close attention to the definition of a cornerstone:

The cornerstone (or foundation stone) concept is derived from the first stone set in the construction of a masonry foundation, important since all other stones will be set in reference to this stone, thus determining the position of the entire structure.

Does that make you dizzy with the realization of your job? I look at my five girls and realize they will be grown up in a relatively short time. We’re led to believe that if we just “do the normal thing”, you know, hope they stay out of trouble or do well in school, or whatever, that we have accomplished our purpose.

Don’t be fooled! We have a huge job to do, every day, fashioning our daughters, shaping them, teaching them, training them to be “the stone that determines the position of the entire structure”.

Take a deep breath…we were created for this.

More on the practical applications of this job in a bit!

Robin’s tribute to her son…

Sometimes God takes us, kicking and screaming, down paths we don’t want to go.

Sometimes, those paths show up way too often, and it gets harder and harder to walk, and in fact, we can’t walk them…

He must carry.

My dear, precious friend said hello and goodbye to her son last night–she was 8 months along–belly full of kicking energy from her little boy. We “bumped bellies” at church last week, chuckling, sharing this sweet, mother privilege together.

Robin had lost 3 babies in a row prior to him, and was concerned throughout this pregnancy. She often called, just for reassurance.

The losses were ALL unrelated. Tuesday night, after not feeling movement, she went in for a sonogram. It revealed her worst fears.

William was born, after a long and grueling forced labor, with the cord around his neck.

Sadness gripped our hearts as we sat with this family all day, waiting, praying, hugging, crying. What can you do? What can you say?

This family, who so loves children, who so loves the Lord, whose other children are a shining testimony to a family whose hearts are turned toward Him…

Walking through the valley of death….yet again.

Job’s words rang in my ears all day…“Will we take the good from His hand and not the bad?”

I wonder if a day will come when we no longer “see through a glass darkly”, and all our human eyes look back as heartache is heaped up as blessing–the refining that made us glow brighter and brighter in this life…and some will glow brighter than others.

I wrestled with God, with His sovereignty. Our elders wife said, “He is for her.” Yes, He is, even when it’s difficult to reconcile in the depths.

We must all settle with God, before the trials come, that indeed, we will walk through sorrow, and it’s not HIS fault. It’s not because He doesn’t love us. We must settle with God that His love is deeper than any grief we are asked to bear, and when we are called to go there, we must go with tears, but with a resolve deeper than the tears, holding to the anchor that will keep us unmoved in the storm. Just as this family has done.

Pray for them if you pause…they are crying very real tears from the deepest abyss of sorrow today.

Here is a recent post about little William Charles (who was going to be William Travis) from Robin’s blog:
Just a Family

Be still, my soul; the Lord is on thy side; Bear patiently the cross of grief or pain;
Leave to thy God to order and provide; In every change He faithful will remain.
Be still, my soul; thy best, thy heavenly, Friend Through thorny ways leads to a joyful end.

Be still, my soul; thy God doth undertake to guide the future as He has the past.
Thy hope, thy confidence, let nothing shake;All now mysterious shall be bright at last. Be still, my soul; the waves and winds still know His voice who ruled them while He dwelt below.

Be still, my soul, though dearest friends depart And all is darkened in the vale of tears;Then shalt thou better know His love, His heart,Who comes to soothe thy sorrows and thy fears.Be still, my soul; thy Jesus can repay From His own fullness all He takes away.

Be still, my soul; the hour is hastening on when we shall be forever with the Lord,
When disappointment, grief, and fear are gone,Sorrow forgot, love’s purest joys restored.Be still, my soul; when change and tears are past,All safe and blessed we shall meet at last.

Could you please forgive me for the naked belly picture? I just LOVED this quote, especially with the feminist’s icon–I had to post!

My friend, Jane, just pointed me to this blog–Down to Earth. (BTW, stay tuned for a very interesting look at how Jane, mother of 9 has almost cut her power bill in half!)

You need to jump over to Down to Earth and read Rhonda’s post “Return of the Homemaker”. You’ll be glad you did!

“We are independent in that we know how to look after ourselves, to grow food and make a comfortable home, and we are free in that we owe no debt. And there are many people who look at us and say how much they admire what we do and wish to do the same, but if truth be told, we are just enacting the role of the homemaker where we make do, repair, cook, bake and clean, using what some might see as old-fashioned techniques, but within a modern context….

As modern homemakers we have the power of our shopping dollars, we have the power of our technology, and we can choose to see the work of our homes are challenging, satisfying and enriching. You can make your home a place of contentment and comfort. You can change the way you think of housework and see it as an investment in your family’s well being. You will be very influential in seeing your entire family through this economic crisis. What you learn now and what you already know could very well mean make or break for your family.”