motherhood/family/parenting

“Can I extol the virtues of home, family and children, and insist these can thrive in the absence of their natural guardian, and be the same person?” ~Kelly Crawford

This is where it’s so exciting to see a generation of parents who know this is not, and should not be typical in the Christian home. But knowing it and implementing it in the lives of your children can be two different things.

I guess, in large, this is why we started homeschooling. We had a lot of expectations that frankly seemed impossible to pass on to our children if they were immersed in a peer group who did not have the same expectations.

“Do hard things”…as the Harris boys challenged; and many parents are rising to it, doing whatever it takes to shape a new generation–a generation that is powerful, humble, and driven, all at the same time.

And so, when I constantly try to brace up young mothers at home with toddlers, the vision is that even now, at their young ages, ESPECIALLY NOW, their life purpose is being shaped.

Expect greatness, and they will rise to it. Expect honor, and they will honor. Expect virtuous character and they will behave accordingly.

Read hard books to them.

Applaud their interests.

Converse with them like adults.

Respect them, and require respect from them.

Expect them to honor others, and speak gracefully.

Teach them about virtuous men and women of history.

Be with them more than anyone else is.

Talk to them about marriage, praying for a spouse, and waiting for him/her.

Give them jobs bigger than you think they can do.

Praise them sincerely.

Have fun with them.

Pray for them and with them.

Require them to memorize Scripture.

Tell them you can’t wait to see how God uses them.

Point to other godly examples for encouragement.

PRESS ON!

The work you do is good work. Don’t be weary. The impact will be felt indefinitely.

• Stand up as a person approaches you. Men shake hands with other men, but only shake hands with a woman if she offers her hand first.

• Use first names in greeting friends and peers…”It’s nice to see you, John.”

• Speak clearly, concisely, and loud enough to be heard, though not so loud that your voice carries across the room.

• Smile! Your facial expression is important when speaking.

• Stop, look, listen. Pay attention to the other person. It is polite to look at their eyes as they speak, but do not stare. Listen attentively to what they say.

More to come!

I needed a reminder this morning, so I thought I’d remind you too! All too often I miss life! Aren’t we usually waiting for something? The next activity, the next appointment, the next break? And we have this false idea that life is a certain kind of moment or event.

But most of life is composed of ordinary moments. How often do I not only miss those, but even ruin them? If I’m too busy preparing for the next thing, then it’s easy to get interrupted in the now. And interruptions cause frustrations; and frustrations cause words and attitudes that do not reflect the kindness of God.

What if stopping to tie a shoe–for the 6th time, was something I saw, not as an interruption, but an opportunity to stop what I’m doing, smile at my little one, and while I’m tying, speak into his heart: “I hope you know how glad I am that you live here.”

Or a potty training moment was seen as a privilege, sharing a milestone in my child’s life–something not everyone gets to do.

What if all those “interruptions” are not interruptions at all, but God’s divine appointments in the ordinary, to test my heart, to see if my treasure is where it should be?

How many smiles are left “unsmiled“? How many sunsets left unshared? How many hurt feelings left unsoothed? Hugs left unhugged? Questions left unanswered?

I’ve said it before, but Jesus’ last “spectacular” act, was anything but spectacular. But spectacular does not equal important. “Wash each other’s feet.” Do the small things. Willingly. Happily. With a heart of love.

Oh that I would remember that as I pour myself into this Mother Work!

“In the multitude of my anxieties within me, Your comforts delight my soul.” Psalm 94:19

“I know these parents love their children…so why don’t they raise them?”

In the recent shadow of Obama’s “infant education plan”, and other discussions like it, I am burdened for our culture’s flippancy at handing our young children over to others for their raising. I’m not talking about the terrible circumstance where a mother has been thrust into an impossible situation where she must depend on child care–and it should be treated as such, I’m talking about the absurd expectation that a young child fares better under someone else’s instruction.

I spoke with a woman (she was a Christian) recently who pointed to her little girl and said,

“She’s about to start 3-year-old kindergarten…well, she’s not 3 yet, but she needs to learn to share. She and her sister don’t know how.”

On several levels this woman has been deceived. First, why do we call it “kindergarten” for 3 year-olds? (It’s also now common to call daycare, for any age, “school.”) Do you know why kindergarten was originally established? To provide a “catch up” time for the unfortunate children who didn’t have parents that spent any time reading or nurturing them, and so they were “behind” developmentally.

Secondly, she hasn’t been given the confidence (WHERE ARE ALL THE OLDER WOMEN!) that she is quite capable of teaching her daughter the most basic of habits.

And obviously, she doesn’t see what she will miss by sending her two-year-old away, nor what unfortunate characteristics, much worse than not sharing, her daughter will inherit at “school.”

Why do you think parents have bought into this idea that the earlier their children “go to school” the more successful they will be? We are being deceived into thinking that parents are not the best ones for the job of raising children.

I have to question–at the root of it, is it just easier to send our young children to “school”, where we have the false perception that they are getting ahead, thus relieving any guilt and even giving us an added sense of pride for the “favor” we are doing them?

It boggles my mind. The irony that nature itself just teaches us that children belong to parents, and that obvious fact is being ignored by so many! And perpetuated! No years are more crucial and precious in the developing of relationships, character and well-being than those early years. And no one is better equipped to teach, love and train them than a mother.

Barring extreme and unfortunate circumstances, if we were a society with any sense at all, we would be insisting that the best situation is for little ones to be home, not instilling fear and guilt into parents over the possibility of “leaving them behind”.

I would challenge all you “older women” out there to be kind enough to speak to younger mothers about this. I mentioned in an earlier post that not one woman in my life said anything to me about leaving my 5-month old with someone else while I went to work. I so wish there had been one. That is the very essence of “teaching the younger women to love their husbands and children”. It’s not meddling; it’s obeying the word.

(Not to mention the natural relationships between siblings that are so early ripped apart.)

Even if it were true that “school” was more profitable for a child academically, is that what it’s about? Really? Having the smartest kid? (And you know I strongly disagree that school provides a superior education.)

As my Dad so often does, let’s look to the very nature of Creation for common sense clues. When an animal has an offspring, that “baby” stays under the constant watch and training of its mother until maturity, whatever that is for the specie.

Let’s encourage young mothers, and remember ourselves, that God gave us children so that we could mentor, teach, love, cuddle, feed, read to, hold and train. Those first years are so especially crucial!

Let’s be faithful to the call, and refuse the notion to look around to see if someone else could do it better.