As we spend our days raising men and women, we need to help our children rebel against the low expectations culture has put on teenagers. Teens will only rise to the challenges they are given. And honestly, culture doesn’t expect much of them. But they are capable of great things!

I think the creation of a “teenage” period was a mistake. For all of time before now, children grew into adults. There was a period of “youth” recognized, but it was treated differently. It was the time when a person faced responsibility and challenges that would soon be meeting him as an adult. It was the time when he started growing up. When a child was born, parents knew their job lay in equipping that child to become a responsible, hard-working adult. That would be key to his success.

To abdicate that task would be cruel to a child, ill-preparing him for the future.

Somewhere around the age of the Industrial Revolution, in a reaction to the harsh child-labor practices along with major shifts in society, we carved out a “holding pattern” in the life of a child. Then somehow, over time, the age from roughly 13-18 became simply a time of entertainment, leisure and fun.

These once contributors to society now became consumers, and the trend intensifies all the time.

It is no wonder now why the large family is foreign and misunderstood. People don’t see children as assets but drains on the family economy. And some are aghast at the idea that children should have to take on a certain level of healthy responsibility, unable to see the harmful results of NOT requiring it.

The work force is desperate for “a few good men”…employees who have solid work-ethic, who are honest, courteous and understand that they are not the center of the universe.

And not only that, teens seem to be so easily swept away by the opinions of pop culture instead of being grounded as believers in Christ, able to discern what is noble and true.

It begins with a society of parents who love their children enough to raise the bar–to expect maturity and capability, parents who believe their children were created to glorify God with their gifts and abilities, and push them to do hard things. It might just be that catering to a teen’s every whim, cushioning his every fall and giving him his every want might not be the best thing for him.

Note to the disillusioned parent:

(By the way, some teens, regardless of how faithfully they were taught, will still brush that teaching aside. I want to offer that for hurting parents whose children may be living a life different from what they had hoped. Nevertheless, it is our job to be faithful both in practice and in prayer over our children.)

You’ve probably heard of Josh and Brett Harris and their ministry–“The Rebelution.“  I’ve been reading this each morning to my children and it is such a good read and a fantastic challenge for our kids to “do hard things.”

Below is a summary of their mission, and their book that embodies it, Do Hard Things.  (<— Click the link to buy it.)

“The battle cry of The Rebelution is just three words, but it’s an explosive concept: Do Hard Things. That’s it. And “do hard things” is a mentality. It’s a mentality that flies right in the face of our culture’s low expectations. The world says, “You’re young, have fun!” It tells us to “obey your thirst” and “just do it.” Or it tells us, “You’re great! You don’t need to exert yourself.” But those kinds of mindsets sabotage biblical character and competence.

“Do Hard Things” is just the opposite. It’s how we build character and competence. It won’t drop to meet the low expectations, it won’t just do what comes easily, and it won’t become complacent. It applies no matter who you are or what level you’re on, because there’s always something harder to do, something that will take you outside your comfort zone and cause you to grow. “

I highly recommend it to you and your teens for building, strengthening and challenging them to rise above the culture’s low expectations of them and become capable, confident men and women of God.

I have been reading about possibly one of the most amazing women who ever lived: Sarah Edwards (better known as wife to Jonathan Edwards).

What made her so amazing? Was she an accomplished musician, a politician, a doctor or a prolific writer? No, though she could have been any of those things (and those things are great), having received the privilege of a high education (her father was one of the founders of Yale) and a wealthy family with all the benefits that come with that.

As I read about Sarah, my memory keeps flashing Facebook and blog posts of the current, Christian atmosphere among some young women, and the contrast is astounding. And having been in the middle of women’s issues and all its controversy, I’m not unaware of stereotypes and the aversion to reminiscing about the past. But when our fore mothers have something to teach us, it’s worth listening.

Today, I see a lot of Christian women heavily influenced by feminism, and it sounds like this:

“I can do anything…I can pursue my dreams and I am beautiful, smart, amazing and I have learned to love myself because that’s what God wants, and, and….”

More “hear me roar” than “I must decrease and He must increase.” And don’t get me wrong, I love a good dream! But it’s the self-focused attitude that I think we’ve gotten off about. It’s brazen instead of beautiful. Loud instead of meek. Haughty instead of humble. I am for strength, boldness and confidence, but let us have that kind characteristic of our Lord, and let our boast be in Him, and let our love for His desires be bigger than our desires.

It’s a tall order for all of us.

This self-love cloaked in “Just me and Jesus” is appealing, for sure, but not actually biblical. Christianity is where we are called hard to put others before ourselves, and to “look not to your own interests, but also the interests of others.” It’s an outward-focused love.

And I GET it! There is something that just feels right about the self-affirming, self-confident us. And I’m not suggesting we should have a self-deprecating attitude that leads women into depression and eating disorders. (And of course I’m not talking about women allowing others to abuse them, because that always comes up in this conversation.) That’s a distorted view of ourselves that is also not biblical.  I’m talking about an accurate view–seeing who we are in Christ and finding so much contentment and joy in that, all else fades away.

I wonder, if the Bible were the ONLY source we had from which to get our understanding and attitudes about life, how would we act?

So we go back to Sarah.

Sarah married at 17, did not “pursue her dreams” but became a wife to a man who spent the majority of his days in his study, while she knocked motherhood to 11 children out of the park.

That’s not all. The parish (her home) was expected to house guests frequently, long-term, which she not only did, but did so well, her guests boasted of the hospitality, love, sincerity and devotion Sarah gave to them, making them feel as if they were home.

Her secret? Sarah was in love with Jesus.

We might be tempted to picture her bearing the hard responsibilities with the proper duty of a woman of her time, grinding through life, a woman not yet liberated to a life of her own.

But that’s not what the written testimony reveals.

Listen to this, written by her would-be husband, Jonathan Edwards:

“They say there is a young lady in [New Haven] who is beloved of that Great Being, who made and rules the world, and that there are certain seasons in which this Great Being, in some way or other invisible, comes to her and fills her mind with exceeding sweet delight, and that she hardly cares for anything, except to meditate on him . . . you could not persuade her to do anything wrong or sinful, if you would give her all the world, lest she should offend this Great Being. She is of a wonderful sweetness, calmness and universal benevolence of mind; especially after this Great God has manifested himself to her mind.”

Jonathan expressed Sarah’s love for God as “a religion of joy” and often marveled at her deep love of Him, her hatred of sin, and her commitment to holiness.

Let me point out the blaring difference between Sarah and us:

She loved her Lord so much that her desires, her wishes, even her dreams didn’t matter. Her Self was lost in Him. She didn’t need any other validation of her worth. We get our knickers in a twist when someone insinuates devoting a life to serving family is as noble a thing as being a nurse. Why? Because we are focused on our interests and desires to be validated, not on our simple, glorious worth before the Lord.

Her identity was not even in her role. She could happily serve her family because she wasn’t clamoring to be anything but holy in God’s sight. Her duties as wife and mother and hostess were a simple extension of her love of Christ. She delighted to serve, because that’s what her Lord left as an example, and that was her highest idea of nobility. She didn’t begrudge that it was her husband in the spotlight while she was left to “only be a housewife.” She served God and the fullness of her love for Him was expressed in everything she did.

And she made a name for herself, after all. She bore much fruit for generations to come. Her life is still bearing fruit, even as I write here, having been, alongside thousands others, deeply affected by her testimony of humility, kindness and love. Sarah Edwards, only a wife and mother, immortalized by her life’s testimony.

I have been SO convicted reading about her life. If you’d like to get a glimpse into Sarah’s extraordinary testimony, you should read here and here, or read the book, Married to a Difficult Man.

The Edwards (with Sarah providing most of the instruction and care of the children) had produced from their decendants, by 1900:

• thirteen college presidents
• sixty-five professors
• 100 lawyers and a dean of a law school
• thirty judges
• sixty-six physicians and a dean of a medical school
• eighty holders of public office, including:
  • three U.S. Senators
  • mayors of three large cities
  • governors of three states
  • a vice president of the United States
  • a controller of the U.S. Treasury.

And according to one biographer, the Edwards’ descendants also “entered the ministry in platoons and sent one hundred missionaries overseas, as well as stocking many mission boards with lay trustees.”

Let us seek to fall so in love with our Savior, that our own identity melts into His. Let us love Him so much that our lives become a testimony of His grace and power, not of what we clamor to achieve. Then, it is His delight to exalt us.

I think deep down, we all really know: we (collectively, as a culture) are hurting our children with the notion that the teen years are nothing but a time to have fun “while you still can.” Implying, of course, that growing up and all the things that come with it, really stinks.

It’s so deeply ingrained that none of us is exempt from feeling it, even if we inherently know it’s not the way it should be.

Reading Do Hard Things has got me really stoked about this subject. The bottom line? People live up to the expectations created for them. And in this case, “teenagers” meet the low expectations we’ve set for them and that is tragic.

It’s notable that throughout history, until the last 70 years or so, there wasn’t really a recognized adolescent period. There were children, and then there were young adults (or youth). And the expectations were much higher; the idea that there was a period of time where young people were supposed to mainly just play and be entertained, was unheard of. (Read a few biographies of young men and women who lived prior to the 1900’s to get a glimpse.)

Yet now, we religiously guard and defend this “teen year life” as an inalienable right, (Go have fun! Sow your wild oats! You only live once!) feeling sorry for the few that seem to have more responsibilities than the average teen. God forbid they even begin to pursue marriage before their mid twenties.

The Harris boys make the sensible point that our youthful years give us our strongest, most energetic and passionate years, a time when teens should utilize that advantage to “do hard things” instead of succumbing to the low expectations of society. They are foundational years too, that launch us into committed adulthood, and it should behoove us to challenge our teens to prepare well, not squandering this time.

So what does it mean exactly to do hard things?

What can a “teenager” do besides squander 7 or 8 years on Instagram or video games?

The possibilities are endless, but here are just a few:

-A young man whose mother is a facebook friend of mine challenged himself to write out the entire Bible. And my WORD look at his beautiful penmanship! (I’m going to assume that link is public–sorry if you can’t see it. Here are the final moments as well as his thoughts.) He shares about how proceeding through the writing process so slowly allowed him to digest God’s Word in a way that reading does not.

-Learning new skills–musical, computer-related, business-related, writing, mechanics, how-tos, whatever the interests are. The Internet makes it particularly easy to learn things now, so there’s very little excuse for the motivated.

-Campaigning for a cause about which they are passionate. Writing letters of influence, organizing fund raisers, speaking out against injustices of our day.

-Investing in the lives of others. Whether it’s serving the local church, the local ministry, your neighbor, a widow you know, and even siblings, helping people is a constant need, and an investment well worth our time. Eternally speaking, it is the essence of the Gospel.

-Setting personal goals of spiritual, physical and emotional growth.

-Reading good books. Books are life-changing. Our kids need to be digesting good books, even if we have to make them.

Encouraging our young adults to make the best use of their energetic, single years is good for ALL of us. It’s good for them and it’s good for those whose lives they will impact by their efforts.

One side note: there are some children, despite your desire for them to be wise and “do hard things” and despite your diligence as a parent, will not choose the higher path. We parent, not to be successful, but to be faithful. Don’t be disillusioned if one (or more) of your children don’t get it. Keep doing what you know is right, and encouraging all of them to rise above the low expectations our culture has set. Remind them that YOU believe in them, and watch how far they will fly.

If you’re a young mother just starting out, forgive me in advance.

When I was a young mother, and held those first few babies in my arms, I had no way of knowing (and thankful for that) that because of the depth of my love, my heart was now capable of feeling pain like I had never known before children. If you’ve been a mother for a while, you know what I mean.

I don’t think husbands can even identify to what a mother’s heart feels–both the joys and sorrows of living, in a sense, outside of herself now and in another person. You always love “that baby” just as much as when you first held her, but it’s more than that; every pain she experiences from now on, you will feel it with her, for her. To love much is to suffer much.

You will feel an emptiness no other human can feel when he moves out on his own. You will agonize all alone when that child makes decisions that you don’t believe are wise; and you will cry tears that are yours alone, that can be felt by no one else, even by the child for whom you cry, because it isn’t his to know or feel and honestly, he can’t.

The truth is, being a mother is so incredibly wonderful that I cannot find the words, just now, to describe it! I’d be a mother a thousand times again. Motherhood transforms us and we are better for it, it gives us new shades of color to see the world and awakens in us feelings of being alive that were not there before.

But the other truth is that the pain that comes with loving so deeply never ends in a lifetime; it waxes and wanes, but there are always times of grief or change or trials in the life of a mother.

So what does a mother really want and need?

Friends who can walk this road with her, help shoulder the cares of mother-life. Friends who get her.

A husband who understands the differences in the way they love their children (it’s true), the way they process differently, and simply communicates that understanding to her.

Grace. A mother needs a heaping dose of grace, given by others, but especially by herself, because she is her hardest critic.

Love. Garth Brooks wrote, “I could’ve missed the pain, but I’d of had to miss the dance.” We love hard because that’s how we’re made. And it’s very good. Let’s love others with all we have, regardless of the potential for pain.

Transparency to help. I’ve lived long enough now to realize there are so, so many hurting people. There are neighbors, or women who sit quietly beside you at church, who appear to have everything together, who are absolutely broken inside because of some secret they’re harboring, or pain in their lives they are afraid to share with anyone. Sometimes it’s our transparency that gives them the freedom to release that burden to be shared by someone else. And sometimes, all a person needs is one other human in her life to say, “I’m here. I’m with you. I’ve had pain too.”

Celebrate motherhood in its fullness. Embrace all the joy, and the pain, and the realities of life, and entrust yourself to an Almighty God who is the only One who really gets you and can see you through this beautiful roller coaster ride.