The Pressure of Social Media

I saw it again, a mom’s post of her daughter’s birthday party, complete with (real, live) Disney Princesses, a speechlessly beautiful 3-tier cake, all the bouncy things and a Pinterest-perfect atmosphere. And it WAS beautiful and amazing. And I’m sure her daughter loved it. And no, there is nothing wrong with an amazing birthday party.

But social media has made the contest to outdo each other more brutal than ever, where we can get caught up in making picture-perfect memories and creating a childhood WOW effect as opposed to remembering the value of good, simple parenting.

Letting Yourself Off the Hook

Can I just tell you that you can let yourself off the hook if you’re not that mom. You don’t have to create flawless memories for you children to remember they had a good childhood. In fact, they will probably love the stack of doughnuts with a candle on top just as much as the amazing cake your neighbor gave her little girl. If you can’t live up to the pressure, you don’t have to.

Mama, love with a simpleness that transcends icing and balloons. Show them the reality of a flesh-covered soul that faces each day only because “His mercies are new every morning.” Stop wearing yourself out to create a facade of who you want to be.

Now if sparkly parties are your thing, then by all means knock yourself out. But it’s not the standard for good parenting.

We have to reel ourselves in, in the midst of a social media frenzy, and remember what’s really important about being a mom.

The Standard for Good Parenting

Smiling at your children. Letting them know that you really like being with them. Laughing, reading, playing games together. Praying, reading Scripture, talking about big things. Talking about little things. Gazing at the sunset, just letting conversations drift to where they land. Letting them see you help other people and pour themselves out for someone else (maybe them).

Remembering What’s Really Important

Those are the really important things that shape who your children become. They might remember the party. But don’t stress over it. It will be a small memory compared to the person they see you being, steadily, over the course of their lives.

The Reality of Imperfection

And they’ll see you mess up too. Lose your temper. Raise your voice at them, even. And then they’ll see you slump your shoulders, pull them close and apologize. And that will be etched in their memory as a far greater accomplishment than perfect party games.

Love with a Simplicity That Transcends

Mama, love with a simpleness that transcends icing and balloons. Show them the reality of a flesh-covered soul that faces each day only because “His mercies are new every morning.” Stop wearing yourself out to create a façade of who you want to be.

Instead, be her. The woman who isn’t perfect, but lives life to its fullest because she is covered by the blood of the Lamb, and she walks in newness of life, steadfast, a child of the Father. That is a strength and becoming your child can sink her teeth into.  And she will remember.

I know there have been lots of crickets here lately. What to say? Life is super full and I don’t get around to writing like I used to. But let me just tell you…when I saw this piece come across my Facebook feed, I HAD to share it with you. Do not click away. Read the whole article and feel your heart and mind recharge with beautiful truth. I’d love to hear what you thought (I miss our conversations)!

“I wish we loved the strength it takes for a woman to become a wife and a mother. We marvel at her physical strength when she births a child. But we forget what invisible strength she shows when she lays down her life for her home every day after that. Social media spends all of its energy telling women to remember who they are, to fight for their sacred spaces, to become the woman they want to be. All things that feel confusing when you’re holding a newborn baby and learning to forget your self-centeredness, allow others into your personal space, and become the woman that you are becoming and not who you thought you’d be.”

Read the rest of “The One Life Dream That Makes a Girl Blush”

Parenting Shapes the Future

The Power and Privilege of Parenting

Even a daily reminder is not enough–I need an hourly one, to remember that I’m not parenting just to survive the day or to create the most comfort for myself. I am parenting for the future, for my grandchildren–waging war against the one, masquerading as light, who wants to destroy my children.

That sober realization is the fastest way to be a better parent.

It’s so hard to remember when we simply want peace and quiet, or when frankly, we’re tired of parenting for the day, or just have a million other things pressing.

But when I grasp what really happens day to day, the power of parenting and the privilege to impart to my children what they need to grow into strong, wise adults who love the Lord, or when I grasp that I can choose to neglect that privilege, it shakes me to my core.

Imparting Values for the Future

We are here for a short time, and what we impart to the next generation is all that will be left of us. It will be the greatest or the most tragic thing we do with our lives.

Responding to Misbehavior and Shaping Character

When my 3 year old is sneaking into the pantry for more snacks when I’ve told him not to, it matters how I react. Because it’s not just about him right now, or the snacks. And certainly it’s not about my inconvenience. He’s becoming a man. I’m teaching him how to parent his own child. What will he learn?

Embracing Selflessness and Living like Christ

I recently gathered my children around and apologized to them for the many times I’ve parented out of frustration or selfishness. I’m sure I’ll apologize more along the way. But each day, I’m striving to bring my sins before the Lord, ask Him to fill me with His love and patience, and help me be a mother who lives selflessly, who imitates Christ more and more, who empties myself into them, because I want my children to be that kind of parent to my grandchildren.

They will learn from how we live, not so  much what we say.

Parenting as a Joyful Responsibility, Not a Burden

Parenting is glorious. Don’t buy the lie that children are just minions to endure until they grow up. They are your greatest earthly treasure to nurture, teach and point to the Father. They are the best investments you can make. It’s hard work but it’s good work. Be faithful.

It’s a strange, hard, fun and wonderful place I’m in right now.

Almost like standing between two worlds, one foot on each, peering back and forth with eyes that see so much larger now than they once did.

I am in the middle of my life (as much as I can presume), a mother still snuggling a 2 and 5 year old who think I am the whole world, a grandmother watching my daughter and son in law begin the joys and trials of living as a family, (wanting so much to tell her how today’s struggles will be a faint memory tomorrow, but knowing she has to learn that the same way I did) and mothering every age in between with a careful balance that tries to adjust to the differences of each of my children’s needs.

I am more relaxed (my older kids remind me of this often) and hopefully I’ve learned, just a little, to let the little go.

I remember when days were so busy with just the essentials of raising small children that I may not have enjoyed the moments as I should have. But now when my adult children come home and I get giddy about all my children being in one place again, I am reminded to really cherish the time–it’s fleeting.

And as much as that idea seems like a cliche, it is not. I want the young mothers out there to hear me and understand that you don’t arrive at some place where life gets easier; you just have to learn to anchor where you are, give THANKS in everything (and I mean everything–even the pain), and do the best job there with the future in mind.

Because you may leave the harried and tired stresses of young motherhood, but you’ll be met with the difficulty of “having your heart forever walk outside your body” as your children get older, feeling every pain they do, watching their mistakes, only unable to fix it this time. And ever so slowly, you will learn these children are not really yours, but were given to you for a season and the Lord holds them.

I used to think “one day” it will be easy. It’s never easy. It never will be. But it’s good. And it’s right where our Heavenly Father wants us, and right where He grows us and right where He compels us to lose more of ourselves and become more like Him.

That was the goal all along.