motherhood/family/parenting

Today’s post is over at Raising Homemakers!

“In a nutshell, home once was, and I believe should still be, a center of productivity. In essence, we should be making stuff–all kinds of stuff! One of the greatest fulfillments belonging to a person, particularly a woman, is that of creation. For when we create, we reflect the image of our Creator, and that reflection points the world to Him….

So, what does a productive home look like? I can only offer a glimpse, because your gifts and talents will vary from another’s, and there is too vast array of activities to mention. But depending on your strengths and interests, it could include (though not limited to) a number of the things below:”

Finish reading “Why Would I Want to be a Homemaker: Part 2”

Many of you may be familiar with ParentalRights.org, but if you’re not, you need to make yourself a close acquaintance of their mission.

In a very small nutshell, the United States is considering ratifying the Convention on the Rights of a Child, in affiliation with UNICEF, a “global movement for children and children’s rights”.

Typical of a “global agenda” is carefully disguised verbiage and a carefully embedded message that “we’re all in it for the children”.  Because, after all, we are.  But realistically, if the treaty is passed, it means the government will have veto power over the parents regarding any matter it sees fit.

So while on the surface the treaty’s agenda seems to be merely to “protect children from abuse” and to “ensure the rights of children” , you may want to know what some judges, already here in the US, consider abuse or an infringement of rights.

A 13-year-old Washington state boy complained to the school counselor that his parents took him to church too often (Sunday morning and night and Wednesday nights).  She told him to call CPS.  CPS removed him from his home and placed him with foster parents.  He was allowed to return home after a judge ruled that his parents must reduce the frequency of his church attendance to only once a week.

Under the UN CRC, and within the hidden rhetoric, the government will have the power to enforce the education it deems suitable for every child.  If a parent wishes, for example, to teach a particular religion as “the right religion”, that would violate the Tolerance Act and a child would likely face mandatory placement in public school.  In fact, following precedent in other countries, the treaty would likely allow for either the banning of all private educational establishments or strict compliance with a state-mandated curriculum.

Sound far-fetched?  There are actions already stripping parents of their fundamental rights in the educational system:

A Massachusetts father was arrested during a parent/teacher meeting scheduled to request that his 6-year-old son be able to opt out of the sex education class where homosexuality was being discussed.  The school board ruled that once the parents dropped their children off at school they “gave up certain responsibilities” and the father was not permitted to have his son opt out of the class.

Again, it fell under the “tolerance agenda” being aggressively enforced across our nation.  But the issue isn’t about tolerance; if I, as a parent, want my child to opt-out of a bread-making class, that is my inherent right.

Parents here in the US are facing charges if they deny certain medical care for their children (and here we aren’t talking about life-saving procedures; we’re talking about doctors ordering unnecessary tests and procedures where parents aren’t given the option to decline.)

Furthermore, many doctors now, under the “rights of a child’s privacy” will not allow parents to accompany their under-aged children for an exam, nor will they disclose diagnoses or treatment. (I have friends who have experienced this.  But don’t worry, be sure you still get to pay the bill.)

In the news last week, a 6-year-old boy was hauled off from school, in an ambulance, to a psychiatric ward and placed in a 72-hour hold against his mother’s wishes. (His father was deployed, he drew a disturbing picture and wrote that he wanted to die.)  The mother told the school she would take her son immediately to their own therapist but the school told her “it was out of her hands” and he was carried away.  The mother was concerned that the ordeal was more traumatizing than the “separation anxiety” he was already dealing with.

And that’s the bottom line facing us in this fight.  It’s not a “conservative vs. liberal” fight either.  It’s a basic infringement on parental and family rights that stands to threaten any and every parent on the planet.

It’s an agenda backed by people who truly believe the world would be a better place if they get to decide what is best for children in every area of life.

I would encourage you all to visit ParentalRights.org and sign their petition. We ordered a copy of the documentary “The Child” which does an excellent job of explaining this treaty and its enormous threats to the freedom of our country.  We plan to show it in a public forum and inform as many as we can.  I urge you to do the same.

As many of the speakers stated, it’s a difficult fight, but not one that is impossible.  The way we lose is to do nothing.  But I don’t want my children to grow up and have to raise their families as slaves to the state, which is exactly what will happen if this treaty gets ratified.

Now is the time to stop it.

My life for yours…

“I see my body as an instrument rather than an ornament.”  Alanis Morissette

No, quoting Alanis Morissette doesn’t mean I’m encouraging you to make her your new role model (although, I admit, there was time in my life where she was my favorite musician :-p) but I was impressed by this quote, a rare and wise reflection from a pop celebrity, referring to her pregnancy.

Motherhood intrigues me on many levels.  But I especially love that it is one of the most tangible ways a woman can  “present her body a living sacrifice”.

And it’s this reason I’m baffled by the repulsion many Christian women feel toward pregnancy, childbirth and even motherhood.

“Our bodies are tools, not treasures.  You should not spend your days trying to preserve your body in its eighteen-year-old form. Let it be used.  By the time you die, you want to have a very dinged and dinted body.  Motherhood uses your body in the way that God designed it to be used.  Those are the right kind of damages…We are not to treat our bodies like museum pieces. They were not given to us to preserve, they were given to us to use.  So use it cheerfully, and maintain it cheerfully.  You want to fix your body up in order to be able to use it some more. We should not be trying to fix it up to put it back on the shelf out of harm’s way or to try to make ourselves look like nothing every happened.  Your body is a tool.  Use it.”  -Rachel Jankovic, Loving the Little Years

These last days of my pregnancy are hard.  My heart rate, as it soars to supply enough of my blood to the baby, limits my activity.  My back feels the strain of the 35 + pounds tugging in the opposite direction.  I can’t walk right.  I sleep less.  It’s difficult to turn over in bed.  I’m plagued by excruciating round ligament pains that put me on the floor at times.

“So why do it when you don’t have to?”  I’ve been asked before.  Because to me this “suffering” is so insignificant in light of the privilege of being able to give some of me for another.  Another life.  Another person.  Another soul.

“Therefore we do not lose heart…. For our light and momentary troubles are achieving for us an eternal glory that far outweighs them all.”  2 Corinthians 4:16

And it is my prayer that every mother reading would have her heart encouraged by this reality.

“Greater love hath no man than this, that a man lay down his life for his friends.”

“I’m not doing that again.  I’ve got my body back and I’m keeping it”, said the lady at the yard sale getting rid of all her baby stuff.

But is it really ours to “keep”?  I mean, should that be the basis of our view of bringing life into the world?  Our view of this body given to us for Kingdom work?  The same principle applies to any Kingdom work. It’s looking at ourselves–who we are, what we do, how we spend our time–and seeing the instrument that we are to be in the hand of God, however He uses us.

This body is not OURS.  We are not our own.  Our lives are His and if that comes with suffering, sacrifice or hardship–it’s all irrelevant.  And it isn’t limited to a bodily offering…our time, energy, ambitions–it’s all His.

“Very truly I tell you, unless a kernel of wheat falls to the ground and dies, it remains only a single seed. But if it dies, it produces many seeds.”

Don’t misunderstand me.  I’m not implying that only motherhood provides the opportunity to be a living sacrifice.  I’m simply writing to mothers, as a mother, in this season, about one aspect of our immense privilege.  See it for what it is. Praise God that He has given you this opportunity–“My life for yours”.

“One of the greatest testimonies Christian women can have in our world today is the testimony of joyfully giving your body [life] to another….My very kind and wise husband once left a note for me on Easter morning after the birth of one of our children:  ‘To my wife, before she even goes near the closet on Easter morning…’ he encouraged me to realize that there was no more fitting way to celebrate Easter than in a body that has been undone on behalf of another.”  -Rachel Jankovic

“Love to be real, it must cost—it must hurt—it must empty us of self.”
— Mother Teresa

Over the years, the “picture” of what a homemaker is, or should be, has faded into one of drudgery, where a dull-minded, incapable woman fulfills her endless, boring duties of cleaning toilets, washing dishes, and vacuuming, reaping no rewards or satisfaction. She has a few children, which makes her job even harder, and the best she can hope for is the day they start school. This picture is being constantly promoted, devastating the sanctity of home and any desire to guard and keep it.

And if this is the true picture of being a keeper at home, who in their right mind would want to be one?! Not me!

Read the rest of today’s post at Raising Homemakers!

“A deliberate Christian is engaged in warfare, whatever he does.  It may just be that a mom at home discipling her children and raising up arrows that will be shot into the heart of the enemy will experience the greatest of warfare.” -Taken from a sermon by Ted Phillips

“For the weapons of our warfare are not of the flesh but have divine power to destroy strongholds.  We destroy arguments and every lofty opinion raised against the knowledge of God, and take every thought captive to obey Christ..” 2 Corinthians 10:4,5

So this tiny, helpless baby is placed in your arms.   You know the wonderful, overwhelming feeling of being totally responsible for this immortal human being.  It’s like God handing you a blank canvas.

Your job is to raise this child in the nurture and admonition of the Lord.  That’s no little job!  I believe that a parent’s primary responsibility is discipleship.  When I think of Jesus’ example as he walked with and taught his followers, pointing them always to the Father, revealing truth to them in the daily events of life, I can’t help think that we owe the same to our children.  It’s intense, time-consuming and worth every second.

This prayer that Jesus prayed for His disciples is full of wisdom we can glean:

“I have revealed you to those whom you gave me out of the world. They were yours; you gave them to me and they have obeyed your word….For I gave them the words you gave me and they accepted them….While I was with them, I protected them and kept them safe…I have given them your word and the world has hated them, for they are not of the world any more than I am of the world….My prayer is not that you take them out of the world but that you protect them from the evil one….Sanctify them by the truth; your word is truth. As you sent me into the world, I have sent them into the world…” From John 16 & 17

But, the ultimate purpose is to grow them up. From the minute they are born, we are teaching them the next thing, helping them become more and more independent.  From holding their own cup to getting dressed on their own then learning to cook or cut firewood, it’s a constant movement toward maturity.  And we are to be growing them up spiritually all the same.

I want to carefully guide my children “in the way they should go”, but I want them to pick up from God’s Word and make it their own.  I want them to obey as I lead them to God, but I want them to hunger for God themselves and desire the sweetness of His precepts.

I was talking to my brother about this and how I’m so grateful that the Lord is showing me how this works in my oldest daughter’s life.  At 16, she now makes many decisions on her own, weighing them against the principles of truth.  From her clothing to her choice of movies, books and music, if she were not able to discern these things for herself at her age, I would consider that we had possibly not done our job.

If our relationship is right, we will move from a position of establishing boundaries for our young ones, to one of sought-after counsel and guidance as they get older.  But the ultimate goal is to raise children who, more and more, are able to discern, with the Spirit’s help, what God’s will is.

We’re raising men and women.  We are passing the baton and handing down our legacy of faith.  It’s easy for us to forget the goal.  It’s easy to keep them in our “safe place” and just continue making their decisions for them.  But that’s not why we’ve been given children.  Arrows were meant to fly and leave our hands.  Let’s be preparing them all the time for the launch.

There are two ditches in parenting, both with negative outcomes.

My grandfather was a “ditch parent.”  Many of his generation were.  He grew up in the tail-end of the Great Depression and life was hard, mainly about surviving. He was strict, enforced the rules, but lacked a warmth and affection with his children and grandchildren.  He didn’t cultivate relationships.

No doubt he was brought up with a stern father who, perhaps, didn’t invest in fellowship with his children.  My own father did a great job overcoming this lack of relationship-building with which he was raised, but still he struggled with the obvious effects.

There’s another ditch many modern parents have fallen into.  In an effort to “give their children more” they have given them liberties that aren’t healthy, and they have shied away from exercising proper biblical authority and guidance. They are raising brats who they don’t often enjoy.

I called an acquaintance one day.  The answering machine picked up:  “Hi. You’ve reached the home of Kaityln.  Her parents aren’t able to come to the phone now. Please leave a message.”

It was a little like an obvious declaration of her child-centered world.  They didn’t have anymore children because her mother told me “she was too hard.”

In either situation, the parent-child relationship is harmed.  The right relationship is foundational to transferring values, to discipling and bringing up children who will walk in “the paths of righteousness.”

It’s also foundational to the promise that “children are a blessing.”  That is not a one-sided promise.  They are blessings (generally speaking) IF we hold up our end and labor to be the parents God has called us to be.

The answer?  Balance.

Understanding authority.

Despite modern teachings that try to place parents and children as equals, the Bible declares that parents are in authority over their children and that children must obey and honor their parents. It is for their growth and maturity that such command is given.

It seems obvious, but I’ve observed that many parents truly do not know what should be expected of their children as it relates to obedience.  They allow disrespectful responses or they allow the child to bring them to his terms (through manipulation, tantrums, etc.)

A child must know his parents are in charge, that they are wiser than he, and because of the position God has placed them in, they operate on the basis of his best interest.

Know your position and own it.

Yet, as we require obedience from them, we must not exasperate them, and we must keep our fellowship with them tender and sweet.  My authority is only an expression of my deepest love and care for my children. I remind them of this by the friendship that I seek to cultivate.

Tie heart strings by:

Listening. I mean really listening.  It can be very hard, especially with little ones who chatter all day, to stop and listen to them.  But eye contact, a smile and a response lets them know you value them as people.

Seeking their friendship.  Pursue them.  Ask them questions and converse. Take them on walks.  Play with them.  Ask them to join you with a chore.  In general, they know when you enjoy them so remind yourself that they will be grown soon and plant the seeds of friendship now that will continue to grow into your adult relationship.

Tell them. Remind your children, verbally, that you love being their mother, that you are glad they live with you and you feel honored that God would bless you with such a gift.

Affirm them physically.  Smiles go a long way!  Greet them in the morning like they are a long lost friend!  Hugs, squeezes, holding hands–all these things express tenderness that tie heart strings.  We do a lot of touching–at home, in church , in public–kisses and hugs can’t be overdone.

“Oh that God would give every mother a vision of the glory and splendor of the work that is given to her when a baby is placed in her bosom to be nursed and trained!  Could she have but one glimpse into the future of that life as it reaches on into eternity; could she look into its soul to see its possibilities; could she be made to understand her own personal responsibility for the training of this child, for the development of its life, and for its destiny,—she would see that in all God’s world there is no other work so noble and so worthy of her best powers, and she would commit to no other hands the sacred and holy trust given to her.”  -JR Miller

If we have cultivated sweet relationships with our children, our authority will be sweet to them too, and they will glory in the love and security they feel by our boundaries and expectations.

Just a quick example from our week:

Three-year-old comes upstairs for breakfast.  She asks for cereal but today we are having oatmeal with fruit.  She begins to whine that “she didn’t get any cereal”.  Cheerfully, I say, “No one had cereal.  We all had oatmeal today and you are going to have oatmeal too.”  (Begins to cry.)

(Cheerfully, again…)  “Sweetheart, go back down to your room and whine there. You may come up when you are cheerful.”

She returned 2 minutes later with a smile and happily ate oatmeal.

It took only a moment of attention, but remembering to be deliberate, NOT doing the easiest thing (“Oh, fine, you can have cereal”) will go a long way to enforcing authority.  Oatmeal vs. cereal isn’t a big deal.  Training a child to get her way by whining is.

How do you tie heart strings?