‘Cause really, there is enough stress we can’t help already. So we need to do all we can to let go of the unneeded stress and irritations that can pile up and make the whole thing seem unbearable on some days.

Let me help you get started:

1. Let go of expectations that don’t match your personality.

This one is tricky. We have to balance the need to improve in some areas with accepting who we are. Some people are naturally morning people. They get super sleepy at 8 p.m., but they’re rearing to go at 5 a.m. Be jealous all you want, but don’t try to be that person if you’re not. And let yourself off the hook about it. It doesn’t mean you’re lazy, just different. Go with your clock and make the most of your best hours.

Similarly, I used to feel pressured by my friends who constantly had company over. As in, revolving door. I’m a huge believer that hospitality is not only important, but commanded by Scripture. (Albeit, comes in many forms.) But, I’m an introvert. The friends I envied were extroverts. Me trying to imitate their level of hospitality would be like a fish trying to take an evening stroll. It would kill me. And to them, my level of interaction might be suffocating.

Do what works within your parameters of comfort and don’t push yourself out of comparison.

2. Let go of your toddler’s messy dresser drawers

Yes I said it. Let it go. I know. There is something inherently calming about neatly stacked clothes and order in all things. Stacks of perfect laundry make me happy. But some things have to be postponed to another season. If your toddler’s clothes are hidden in a drawer, we can let this one go until he’s old enough to keep them folded himself. Yes, what I mean is, if you come to my house right now and open my 4 year-old’s drawers, you will find a mess. I’m talking a mayhem of t shirts and jeans. And guess what? No one would know that if I hadn’t told you.

After years of trying to keep toddler’s drawers neat and orderly, because I felt like I needed to, I realized that it was sucking up unneeded stress and time. They change clothes a gazillion times a day. What I have done is taught him to put his clothes in his drawer for now, instead of throwing them in the floor. That’s a start. Soon, I’ll fold everything neatly and teach him to keep it that way. I probably could have already. Maybe I will after I finish writing this post. But right now the drawer is closed and it makes my life easier.

3. Let go of the obsession over bath time

It works out so nicely that research backs up my own experience on this one. Did you know that Americans over-bathe their children and it’s not healthy? According to the American Academy of Dermatology, kids aged 6-11 only need bathed around 1-2 times per week, with a few exceptions. And there’s this bit about the dangers of over-clean,

“A new study published in the Journal of Allergy and Clinical Immunology found that babies who had been exposed to common allergens such as pet dander and roach allergens, as well as common household bacteria, before the age of one were less likely to develop wheezing, asthma and allergies, compared to children that had not been exposed to these substances before age one.”

Daily bathing can cause skin irritants in some children as well as the dangers of a lowered immune system. So, if you’re stressing because you think your child is supposed to have a bath every day, relax. He’s not. God has created amazingly efficient systems in our bodies meant to make our lives easier.

4. Don’t forget to use your crock pot

Do yourself a favor, and research some crock pot menus, and utilize your crock pot several times a week. While you’re at it, if you don’t already, jot down a menu plan for the week on Sunday evening to keep your from standing in your pantry door, praying for a miracle at 5 p.m. Don’t forget the simple meals like potato soup, breakfast-for-dinner, and casseroles from leftovers.

5. Don’t forget to put the big rocks in first

You know that analogy, right? If you try to fill a jar with tiny gravel, then put big rocks in, they won’t fit. The gravel is the little stuff of life, the big rocks are, well, the big stuff of life. If you put the big rocks in first, the gravel still fits in around it. It’s a law of nature. So decide, for you, what the big stuff is, and do that first. The other stuff will find its place. By the way, I would include prayer time as one of the biggies.

6. Don’t forget to make the most of multi-tasking

Some are better than others, but multi-tasking can save you a lot of time and stress. When my mother calls in the morning, I want to talk to her. If I’m able, I answer the phone. But while I’m on with her, I make up my bed, put away clothes/clutter, maybe empty the dishwasher. If I’m getting ready in the morning, I may have a child join me in the bathroom to read while I fix my hair. Think of ways you can double up on activities.

7. Don’t do more than is within your job description

Moms wear many hats, it’s true. But maybe sometimes a few too many. I’ve heard moms talk of doing all the chores, all the cooking and all the cleaning because “that’s my job.” (Have mercy on her children.) But it’s not entirely. Our job is to guide, train, manage, oversee, and work alongside our children. We are primarily responsible for doing all those things, but we fail if we don’t require our children to do them too. And though it does reduce stress by spreading out the work load, that’s a perk; it truly is our job to equip our children by teaching them to do things for themselves, and for their family. Delegate. It’s good for everyone.

8. Respond the right way to whining/complaining

It’s every mom’s bane in life–the whining, complaining, crying–but we usually don’t handle it the right way. (Tip: A clenched-teeth, hair-pulling “Stop it or I’m gonna lose my mind!” is not the most effective method.) Even for very little ones, training them to not whine or complain takes a little deliberate effort, but isn’t hard. You simply give them opposite of what they’re whining for, and/or remove them entirely from the room/situation. Even as my 2 year old cries because I won’t put a diaper on him (Please, Lord, help me get him potty trained), I simply tell him he must cry in his room and he can come out when he’s done. It almost always works.

If an older child complains or makes excuses about not doing a chore, I add another one. If they argue about that, still another one. If they whine about oatmeal for breakfast, I give them a choice. “Oatmeal or nothing until lunch.” I let them have a voice, don’t get me wrong, but outright excuses and complaining I try to meet with an effective deterrent.

9. Let go of stuff you don’t need

De-cluttering on a regular basis will naturally create more calm and less stress. Keep a box or bag handy to toss the unwanted, unneeded or unloved. Keep it simple. Also, keep your counters (especially in the kitchen) free from any objects you don’t really need and use on a daily basis. Visual clutter can create inward stress. A basket for incoming mail, a basket for things that need to be put away–look around and find the problem areas then find simple solutions for them. I loved Ann Voskamp’s post about keeping order. And we implement one of her ideas–lockers for each child.

What are your stresses and/or your solutions? This is motherhood uniting.

I just thought Matthew 25:41-45 was the most terrifying passage in Scripture.

“Then he will say to those on his left, ‘Depart from me, you who are cursed, into the eternal fire prepared for the devil and his angels. For I was hungry and you gave me nothing to eat, I was thirsty and you gave me nothing to drink, I was a stranger and you did not invite me in, I needed clothes and you did not clothe me, I was sick and in prison and you did not look after me.’ They also will answer, ‘Lord, when did we see you hungry or thirsty or a stranger or needing clothes or sick or in prison, and did not help you?’ He will reply, ‘Truly I tell you, whatever you did not do for one of the least of these, you did not do for me.’ “

But as I was reading it to my kids the other night, and discussing ways we could flesh out this too-important command, I was crushed with the weight of its true meaning and by how I had completely missed it so many times.

Who are “the least of these?”

That’s the first important question to answer in light of Jesus’s chilling words here.

We know they are disciples of Christ, because Jesus refers to them as “brothers.” (Jesus referred to his personal offense in the treatment of Christians similarly, when he asked Paul, “Why are you persecuting me?” referring to the Christians Paul had persecuted.)

We know they have needs.

But Jesus also refers to children as “the least of these” in other passages, even mentioning the ministry of giving a cup of cold water to a little one.

So here’s where it punched me:

When we talk about ministering to others in Jesus’s name, as He explains in this passage, we do it with a willingness, joy and even an eagerness. Whether it’s taking food to a sick neighbor or saving up money to minister to an orphanage on the other side of the world, we take pleasure in it because we understand the very act to be good and right. We delight to serve others–those people out there, because it’s esteemed by men as well as Christ.

BUT…if ministering to the needs of little ones is the same as ministering to the needs of Christ (and by reasonable deduction we can easily conclude that), how am I ministering to my own children and husband? I mean, I certainly meet their needs. Lots of them. But with what spirit and attitude? If to feed them is to feed Christ, do I do it with the same gratitude as if He were my guest? If to clothe them, bathe them, tend to their needs is the same thing as doing it to Christ, do they receive the same willingness and love I would give if it were Him?

I confess that too often I do the thing, but I don’t truly serve. Not with the same mind and heart I would if Christ was the actual recipient. In fact, sometimes I grumble. And yet, over and over He told us to follow His foot-washing example. I don’t want to serve Christ with a grumbling spirit. And so, I must seek to serve these, the least of these, without one.

It’s true, we are human. We get tired and we aren’t going to live up to Christ’s perfect example. But still it’s there for us to strive for. I want to know that when I stand before the judgement seat of Christ, I hear “Well done…when you did it to them, you did it to Me.” 

How’s that for a change of perspective!

Nurture: The caring for and encouraging the growth of someone or something. Latin origin: to nurse

If you’re a woman, it’s your job. Not only that, but it’s our unique job, given to us by a Creator who is so perfect and loving, that he chose us to do this thing–to nurture–in order that things grow, life is worth living and the world is well.

I can feel when I’ve been nurtured.  I grow, I heal, I am better.

But do I study to nurture others?

Obviously nurturing begins at home. Does my home nurture those who are in it? Do I? Do the people in my charge grow and heal and become better?

Do my words encourage the growth of someone? My facial expressions? My touch? My act of taking time to hear and talk and walk beside someone through the difficult journey of life?

Nurturing takes time, effort and deliberate action. But as we collectively nurture our families, friends, neighbors and maybe, even in some way, the cashier we don’t know, we all grow. And by embracing this important job of nurturing we become a powerful force in society.

We’re encouraged to “go out and make it happen for ourselves.” But this constant pursuit of us leaves little energy and time for nurturing.

And where nurturing ceases to happen–where there is not growing, there can only be death.

How beautiful when we smile on the task we’ve been given by our Heavenly Father and allow Him to use us to grow His favorite part of creation–the people in it!