Perhaps the title should read, “Satan’s best tool” but it’s just a title, and sometimes Satan gets blamed for things we do to ourselves.

As a 43 year old mother of eleven, I feel like I’m just really grasping some simple, yet profound gems that make this journey a bit easier, and I’ll just cut to the chase on this one:

Discouragement is your worst enemy.

It might be a result from a spiritual battle with the enemy wielding the weapon, or it may be a failure to take our thoughts captive, making us the guilty culprit of our own imprisonment. I hope this post will help you regardless of who is to blame.

The thought life that you allow (or prevent) will largely shape the person you become, the life you live, whether it’s effective or not, and ultimately it will shape those in your care and sphere of influence.

Here’s what discouragement sounds like:

“You lost your patience with your children again. You’re not a good mother. They are going to grow up with character flaws because of you.”

“You can’t keep up with everything. You should probably not have even had any kids.”

“You’ll never be like that mom. She is patient and kind all the time.”

“You’re just a bad mom. Don’t bother.”

See, all those things are lies, even if you have a long way to go in your motherhood journey. If you are a child of God, you are in the process of being sanctified, just like the rest of us. Where one mother has a strength, your strength may lie somewhere else, but Satan will blind you to that fact.

Where you see a family from the outside, all shiny and perfect-looking, Satan will try to prevent us from being transparent about our struggles, giving the impression that everyone else has it together. It’s not true.

Discouragement keeps you from being the best you.

It keeps you from seeing the gifts God has given you, and it keeps you from even improving on the areas where you are weak.

Discouragement takes you in the direction of despair, and that is no place for us to be. And if you give Satan any ground, he’ll take it all.

So, what to do about it?

If you are given to discouragement, I want you to take these steps:

1. Get some index cards and look up these verses (or look up your own) and write one on each card, and then put the cards in places where you can see them, recite them (out loud) and memorize them throughout the day. Here’s why: discouragement is a temptation from the enemy. By the example of Jesus, we get rid of the enemy one way: by quoting Scripture. And we are transformed by one thing: the renewing of our minds. We cannot underestimate this.

Psalm 27:14

John 14:27

Joshua 1:9

John 16:33

Hebrews 4:16

2. Take your thoughts captive. Replace discouraging thoughts with truth. The Scripture will help with this, but you can also speak truth to yourself. When you start to have thoughts like, “You are a bad mom”, force yourself to say, out loud, “You are a good mom.” The power of the mind is also not to be underestimated.

Also, Satan will always keep your failures before you until they overshadow your successes. And certain personalities are masters at exaggerating their own weaknesses while minimizing their strengths (ask me how I know). Stop that. When you are given to rehearsing your failures, stop those thoughts and remind yourself of what you do that is good. Make a list of it and revisit it.

3. Talk to someone who will speak truth to you. Be transparent. Tell them your struggles and ask them to help hold you accountable to studying God’s Word and renewing your mind.

4. Begin your day with prayer, specifically expressing gratitude to God for the gifts in your life. Discouragement is quickly driven out by gratitude. Even if you don’t feel like it, verbalize it. Act your way into feeling it.

5. Exercise. You know about endorphins and their role in your emotional health. Even if it’s just walking for 10 minutes a day, it will help you tremendously.

6. Finally, take careful inventory of details in your life that might be contributing. Get your husband to help you with this part, even if it’s just to be a sounding board. Are you taking optimal care of your health (supplements, healthy eating, exercise, getting enough sleep, etc.)? Would it help to start your day earlier? Is meal time a source of stress that could be simplified by planning out meals a week ahead and using your crock pot/simple meals more? Do you need to revamp the day’s schedule, getting your kids more involved? Is there something you could delegate? (Early on, my oldest daughter started doing all the laundry. I was so bad at it, and she was good at it and liked it. But she hated dishes, so I took that over. Find what works.) Be practical, do the important stuff first, and work in baby steps in the areas that need improving.

7. If none of these things seem to help you shake your discouragement, you  may be experiencing clinical depression. It’s a thing. Don’t feel ashamed to talk to your doctor or health professional about it.

It is my heart and prayer that because we are doing the profound work of shaping the next generation, we could be free from discouragement, and abounding in good works, full of energy and inspiration that comes through the Holy Spirit living in us.

I like the concept of this poem so I leave you with it:

Once upon a time, Satan was having a garage sale. There, standing in little groups were all of his bright, shiny trinkets. Here were tools that make it easy to tear others down for use as stepping stones. And over there were some lenses for magnifying ones own importance, which, if you looked through them the other way, you could also use to belittle others, or even one’s self.

Against the wall was the usual assortment of gardening implements guaranteed to help your pride grow by leaps and bounds: the rake of scorn, the shovel of jealousy for digging a pit for your neighbor, the tools of gossip and backbiting, of selfishness and apathy. All of these were pleasing to the eye and came complete with fabulous promises and guarantees of prosperity. Prices, of course, were steep; but not to worry! Free credit was extended to one and all. “Take it home, use it, and you won’t have to pay until later!” old Satan cried, as he hawked his wares.

The visitor, as he browsed, noticed two well worn, non-descript tools standing in one corner. Not being nearly as tempting as the other items, he found it curious that these two tools had price tags higher than any other. When he asked why, Satan just laughed and said, “Well, that’s because I use them so much. If they weren’t so plain looking, people might see them for what they were.” Satan pointed to the two tools, saying, “You see, that one’s Doubt and that one’s Discouragement — and those will work when nothing else will.” -Author Unknown

I absolutely loved the article, On Thinking Generationally, as it reminded me of why we pour so much of ourselves into our children. We need reminded. Raising the next generation is incredibly exhausting, often frustrating, discouraging and sometimes heart-breaking, even amid the tremendous joys. And the fruit is not instant, which is difficult in our ever-increasing, instant-gratification society. But it’s crucial. It’s far too important to give up on. We must stay in the battle and to fight courageously, we have to often be renewed in our minds and spirits.

So that’s why I posted this article for you.

“Whether I turn on the news, peruse Facebook, or people watch at the park, I can’t avoid the observation that animosity toward the Gospel is spreading. It feels overwhelming and urgently necessary to do something. But what?…

While the Lord is certainly able to change a landscape by storm in an instant, he often works by growing trees over a century. Even if you’re not a parent, if you are stirred to see the truth preserved and the culture converted, investing in children is a vital part of your mission.”

Read all of On Thinking Generationally, Danielle Spencer

Warning: transparency ahead. I pray it’s not too much.

I had become more and more prone to self-pity, resulting in less joy, more frustration and a constant feeling of being overwhelmed.

Oh I wouldn’t have called it self-pity. But the reality was that consciously or unconsciously, I blamed them–my kids or my husband for the way I felt. I took things personally: things like little kids leaving their shoes out. Doing kid things. (But it was I who was acting like a kid.)

I found it harder and harder to enjoy my day, to be a mom, and instead just felt like every day was a battle to keep calm, to maintain order, and to make it to the end. That, friend, is a miserable place to be. I had lost my joy, my mission, my vision as a woman raising a generation for Him, focusing on “all I had to do”, or how hard my job was, instead of seeing things the way they are:

I’m a mother and this is my job–messes and squabbling included–precisely where, in fact, I find the ripened opportunity for discipleship. This is raising a family and I shouldn’t be surprised at the struggles. They are a normal part of life, no matter what you’re doing.

And there’s more….

Here, in this job with its daily ups and downs, is right where God can best mold me to become more like Him. And that is something in which I can take great delight and give thanks. That is a mercy to me!

Granted, we’ve had an excruciating year (or five) with one of our children, wringing our hands over what to do, hearts breaking because it isn’t turning out quite at all how we had it pictured. God is surely refining me through it, and the only thing I’ve learned so far, is that I MUST trust in His sovereignty or I might despair. Rejoicing in suffering takes on a whole new meaning when you’re really suffering, but there’s a comfort knowing God said we can and must count it all joy there.

And then the light bulb moment…

But I was reminded at our ladies’ meeting: “self-pity is a form of pride.” Pride, one of the seven deadly sins which is an abomination to the Lord, has been at the root of this struggle in my life.

I think perhaps Satan’s greatest weapon in a mother’s life is using self-pity to destroy the work of her hands. Self-pity erodes everything good about our work. When we are wallowing in our defeats, failures and inadequacies (often exaggerated in our own minds), we are powerless, weak women merely limping through life. We can’t GIVE life to our families because we are allowing the life to be sucked out of us.

Self-pity makes all our other problems loom larger than they are, robbing us of practical approaches to solving them because we lose our vision. We are literally stuck right here and lack even the desire to see beyond today.

The solution

1. Repent. There’s a place to give ourselves grace, but when we’ve crossed over into pity, we’re in sin–the sin of self-focused pride. We must bring it to the Lord, confess it and begin to root it out.

2. Give thanks. Gratitude, I am convinced, is the antidote to self-pity. Nancy Leigh Demoss writes, in her book, Choosing Gratitude (I HIGHLY recommend it):

“Gratitude unleashes the freedom to live content in the moment, rather than being anxious about the future or regretting the past.”

3. Take your thoughts captive. I think this is so powerful. We live in a culture (and by nature) that uses feelings as a gauge for what is right and wrong, rather than the truth of what’s actually right and wrong. There are many times in life where we have to forget how we feel, and trust in the truth of God. If we are prone to despair, we must replace those feelings with the reality of God’s sovereignty over every aspect of life, then give thanks, even in the crucible, knowing that He is working out everything for our good. I can’t tell you how much this exercise has helped me through parenting a difficult child, even while my heart breaks.

I encourage you to find your strength. Do it on your knees, and then live it on your feet. No, you aren’t doing it all right. No one is. Yes, you make mistakes. Everyone does. We’re not given the task of being perfect. We’re given the task of fighting the good fight, and sometimes, there’s blood. Do not let the enemy of your soul get the upper hand. Immerse yourself in God’s Word, commit yourself to prayer, and believe that He will fight for you (Nehemiah 4:20).

Remember that we’re not just here to get through life. We’re here to glorify God and draw others to Him. You haven’t been called because you’re so great at being a mother and wife. You’ve been called because you are His beloved, righteous because of His work, and equipped to do what you’ve been given.

Bask in His mercy, give thanks for everything, and soldier on.

For a HUGE dose of vision and just the inspiration you need to soldier on, get When Motherhood Feels Too Hard. (Take 15% off with coupon code: 15off)