(Disclaimer: Though I mentioned bank accounts in this post, I didn’t really intend for the focus to be there; I’m not trying to make a firm statement about whether or not couples should have separate bank accounts. It was really just an example (that I think could have many exceptions) to illustrate a tangible element of oneness in marriage.)
I believe more and more that Christians completely miss the beautiful reality of oneness in marriage. One flesh–“A man shall leave his father and his mother, and shall cleave to his wife; and they shall become one flesh”. Genesis 2:24
It shows up in our daily lives, our finances, our decisions, our children, and sadly, most often, in our divorces.
This lack of understanding comes from a failure to understand what marriage is, and more importantly, whose marriage is. Marriage is an institution God created. Period. Yes, just like everything else, we managed to turn it into a government-involved affair, but God invented marriage, and as such, He invented the rules.
“What God has joined together, let no man separate”. All too often, that is just a trite formality at the end of a ceremony. My heart breaks thinking about the divorce rate among believers in light of this command to become one. Do you know what would happen in a physical sense if one was torn in two?
Truly, if He created us to be one flesh, how CAN we separate? Do we ever really?
But the separation starts SO much earlier than at the attorney’s office. It starts in every detail of our day. Are we one flesh? What does that look like?
I think it’s fairly common for husbands and wives to have separate banking accounts. I don’t mean to step on toes–maybe there’s a good reason I don’t know about, but what is it? There is no such thing as my money his money when you are one, is there? That may not be a terrible thing in and of itself, but does it represent oneness?
“But you’re suggesting that I completely lose my identity!” In a sense, yes. One more problem with our culture’s inundation of “my rights, my freedoms, my happiness…”
Marriage was designed to make us holy, not happy. (Although happiness is a nice by-product 😉
One flesh thinks in the same direction, has a unified heart, and ultimately functions as a single entity.
(Perhaps this is why God placed one person as “head”…still talking body-language, there can’t be two heads on one flesh! He didn’t do it to oppress us, He did it to keep us from looking like freaks and trying to walk in two different directions!)
On a side note, I also think this is why it is monumental that parents are involved in helping their children find mates. Is that potential spouse going to be a person with whom your son or daughter can become one flesh with?
Pray for oneness in your marriage. Take some time and really think about what that means. Are we living out in the details of our lives?
