motherhood/family/parenting

A delightful read about one woman’s journey to becoming a keeper at home…thought it might be encouraging!

http://ccostello.blogspot.com/2007/06/yes-i-want-to-be-housewife.html

I’ve enjoyed your thoughts on the subject of working women, and I appreciate all of you taking the time to think and respond on the subject. The debate is still open, so whenever you feel like it, feel free to share more.

Again, my main intent is to provoke us to push through the culture’s habit of “stupor”, and challenge our minds and hearts to discern the will of God. I was reading the following verses this morning, and it was a great reminder about this very thing:

“For you were once darkness, but now you are light in the Lord. Walk as children of light….finding out what is acceptable to the Lord.

See then, that you walk circumspectly, not as fools but as wise, redeeming the time, because the days are evil. Therefore do not be unwise, but understand what the will of the Lord
is.” Ephesians 5:8,10, 15-17

I think in summary, we can certainly recognize extreme cases where it may be necessary for a wife/mother to work outside her home temporarily. It is still my opinion that every other option should be exhausted first. That may mean calling on help from friends, family or church, finding ways to make income from home, etc.

The danger lies in the comfortable acceptance of women forsaking the duty of homemaking to pursue fulfillment, escape, or a higher standard of living. One might note that it is general knowledge that the respect and honor associated with role of homemaking has taken a nose dive since the acceptance of women working outside the home. Not everyone feels this way, but there is a general trend that has devalued her role over the last 70 years or so.

(We have become terrified of saying outloud, “God gave men and women different roles for a well-balanced family. Men are providers and protectors, and women are nurturers and keepers of the home. This thing is good and pleasing in His sight”.)

Based on that observation, we must recognize the danger. When two things are mutually exclusive, they both can’t be right. When we embrace the open mindedness of the world, we open ourselves up to a lot of confusion and wrong thinking. And I think it’s fair to say many of our social atrocities can be blamed, partly, on the droves of women who have forsaken the careful attention of their families.

These observations are why I’m so hesitant to say (even if we can’t Scripturally conclude that working outside the home is sin), “sure, it’s fine for wives and mothers to work…it’s all just a matter of preference”. Saying that releases all women from their biblical duty, and removes our responsibility to keep our homes the way we should.

Just my closing thoughts….more later on practical solutions for women who find themselves needing to earn extra income (like me!)

And in the mean time, you may enjoy reading the ebook I wrote last year called Finding Financial Freedom, with lots of practical budget-cutting tips.

Hello dear sweet Word Warrior!!

I have just heard the statement once again that REALLY drives me nuts! A young minister who has an adorable 2 yr old and a precious 4month old stated that he just couldn’t possibly have any more children in fear that it would hinder his ministry!! My head is still spinning. This attitude towards children is not just in the world, it’s in our churches as well. Isn’t the enemy a sly one– we’ve been brainwashed through years of this subtle lie. If you have time, your thoughts on statements like these would be appreciated. God bless your beautiful family!

(Mommy to 5 beautiful blessings ages 8 years to 6 months)

Ouch…our enemy is indeed sly, and it’s heart-breaking to see how he is crippling the church with such attitudes toward children.

It’s interesting to note that in Scripture (we have been reading in Exodus about the children of Israel), God uses proliferation of the godly seed as His primary means of testifying to the world about what kind of God He is. We read that the reason Pharaoh began to oppress the children of Israel, is because they were exceeding the Egyptians in number and “becoming a mighty nation”. Ironically, when Pharaoh increased their work load, the Bible says God caused them to increase even more in number. (In our day, a family undergoing “hardship” is always advised to refuse the blessing of children…after all, they would only make life harder. Hmmm…not God’s opinion.)

I think one of the reasons Christians can’t understand the ministering aspect of children and therefore view children and ministry as diametrically opposed, is because we’ve lost the vision of what a godly family should be in the first place. Done God’s way, the family (including all of its children), is the most powerful ministry tool in the Kingdom!

Segregation of children and parents (school, church, activities, etc.), the heavy influence of peers due to segregation, the demands of parents to “keep up” with those peers, and all the distracting elements of our society have chiseled away at what a godly family once was. The world looks on the Christian family and sees little difference than their own family. Children do not obey and honor and reverence their parents, husbands and wives aren’t portraying the picture of Christ and His bride, WE LOOK TOO MUCH LIKE THE WORLD TO HAVE ANY IMPACT!

So, we have to “do ministry”…and that means working ourselves to death in programs, more activities, more groups, more, more, more! Children hinder that self-work!

There was a time when a godly home was the primary way Christians ministered to others. God’s way is always the right way. When a family obeys the Scriptural mandate (being fruitful and multiplying, and then bringing up those children in the nurture and admonition of the Lord), the Lord can miraculously use that family to disciple the lost without their having to “create” ways to do it.

Lost people come to the Lord because they see something different, and peaceful, and wonderful–something they don’t have. Love can no better be shared than through simple hospitality–or sometimes when you least expect it. If you want a “unique” opportunity to share Christ with someone, just go to Wal-Mart with more than 3 kids in tow!

I might add here, that the Lord has chosen to withhold children from certain couples. Perhaps He has prepared a work for them that a large family is not equipped for. That’s the beauty of His sovereignty…we don’t have to manipulate our ministries (or our wombs!) to fulfill the Great Commission. Obedience brings about discipleship the Lord’s way.

And I didn’t even mention the exponential factor of raising up godly children who will raise up more godly children, etc.! If we were giving life to the godly seed, while the rest of the world is killing or preventing theirs, our “evangelizing” army would be colossal!

You may not know that I suffer from OATTMEC Syndrome (Over-analysis, Think-too-much, Everything’s Connected). So as I thought about yesterday’s post, “servanthood“, summed up in a word, thoughts of why this one, seemingly simple character trait, is so difficult for us. And I couldn’t go on with our marriage discussion until we hashed out a few points on this.

First of all, if we really understood the life-changing implications being a true servant has, we would be more devoted to becoming one. There’s a reason Jesus summed up the entire commandments in one: “Love the Lord with everything, and love your neighbor AS YOURSELF.”

Imagine what a different place the world would be if we really lived that! (“That’s OK, mister, you are welcome to pull out in front of me and then drive 30 mph…even though I’m running late for my appointment, I’m sure your destination is much more important, and I do want you to arrive safely!”) Well, you know what I mean.

And boy how it would change our families, our relationships, our entire perspective of life!

So, if the Lord commanded it as the most important thing, and we KNOW that it is true, why do we have such a hard time?

Of course, our sin nature is the reason. BUT, as I pondered this, I wanted to post today about how we are so indoctrinated by our culture to live opposite what the Bible commands. Our sin natures are nurtured, encouraged and indulged at every turn. Our world (who is the enemy of Christ) detests the servant’s mentality because it is the very foundation of our Christian life. It’s no wonder why the prince of this world has waged an all-out war to destroy it.

From birth to death, we have been told to indulge ourselves….to look our for #1. Parents, somewhere along the line, were convinced that their little ones deserve the world. Therefore, generation after generation has refused the additional blessings of children because “they can’t afford to give them all they deserve”. More toys, more programs, more activities, more clothes…they don’t need a bit of that to be healthy, thriving children. In fact, they are less healthy and even impaired for life because their parents have lied and told them that the world revolves around them and they can have virtually anything they want. That’s just the beginning…

Then they go to daycare or school. I know, I’m entering dangerously controversial territory…I’m aware. But contemplate this: I have been asked so many times, because we homeschool, “how are your children going to learn how to interact with others if they are at home? How are they going to learn to thrive in the real world if they don’t go to school?”

Do we as Christians really want them to learn how to thrive in the world’s classroom, or to be ready to face the world as disciples of Christ?

That is the most ridiculous question I’ve ever heard, the the questioner would do well to give some thought before he blurts out such absurdities.

When a child goes to school, it’s “every man for himself”. We’ve been conditioned to think that this is a positive climate, and even necessary for life. But it is absolutely contrary to what our Lord teaches! A child is thrust into a hostile environment when he gets on the school bus. I’m speaking from experience, and I can’t imagine how conditions have worsened.

He learns to defend himself mentally, emotionally and physically, or he suffers constant persecution. Is that an environment that will encourage him toward servanthood and selflessness? NO. Because he is still a child. He hasn’t the maturity to practice his “turn the other cheek” theology. He is in survival mode. And if you think that the over-worked teacher who has no blood-ties to these children is spending all her time character training…well, let me assure you she is not.

Children are like little tender plants who will bend this way and that with the wind and surrounding elements unless they are carefully staked and constantly nurtured toward growing straight. In their early years, they need a parent whose deep concern for their spiritual growth guides them. They were born with “me-first” mentalities. They need constant training toward servanthood, not a few minutes each day. They need someone standing their when they are snatching toys out of the other child’s hand, telling him (over and over) why it is wrong. They won’t thrive spending most of their days in a group of hostile, foolish children. They are not going to witness how the Lord commands us to handle conflict. They need a constant example before their eyes until one day it becomes a habit for them.

As I observe my children interacting with each other, and consider the enormous amount of character training I must do in a day, I’m dumbfounded thinking about the child that is just “left to himself”, when he is out from under that care of his parents. It’s no wonder kids are growing up to be self-absorbed, miserable, medicated adults!

I think about my own upbringing, and wonder how dramatically different my relationships now would be if I had been daily trained in a “servant’s mentality” instead of having my natural “me-first” nature nurtured and reinforced.

Then let’s consider the media. “You deserve it…get it now, pay later…it’s what you want…you, you, you”. You think commercials are harmless? It could be they are equally destructive as the junk in most programming.

We are so self-centered we can’t even see it sometimes! It can even be seen in our churches. I had a lady tell me once that she couldn’t believe anyone kept their little ones in the church service. “What if they distracted someone and prevented the Holy Spirit from speaking?” Isn’t this mindset what Jesus rebuked the disciples for? I’ve even heard of a mandatory nursery policy for church members. Do you know why? Because “I am here to receive something for myself, and if there are children around, they may hinder my experience, and then I would miss out.” Now we don’t say that out loud, but that’s the root of the practice.

No, let’s refresh ourselves about the whole purpose of church. It is a place we go to worship, to give of ourselves, to glorify God, and to offer him the sacrifice of praise. There is no ME in that. And if we deny our children the blessing of the true worship of a living God, we are hindering their spiritual growth. (More on this topic later 😉

See, I can’t stay on one subject because IT’S ALL CONNECTED! Sorry, but I hope you are able to follow me on this. I want us to grasp the importance of vision…knowing that our experiences as children mold us into adults, which affect our marriages and families, which define our society! It’s all a big snowball, and we have to go back to the crucial beginning.

I just want us to THINK. About everything. Does every area of our lives, every decision, every practice, every habit, accomplish the purposes of the Lord? Do we ever question what we’re doing, or do we just do what everyone else does and assume their is safety in numbers?

Unfortunately, we are left to wrestle with and beg for grace over our weakness that we brought into our marriages. But we can use them as motivation to give our children the blessing of a “head start”. Yes, they will still wrestle with their sin natures, but how much easier their battle if their minds, bodies and wills have been trained toward servanthood! I would suggest to you that if we are to raise children who grow up to be servants in their marriages and homes, we must train them to be servants now. Reject the world’s philosophy. It is not about ME. It’s about…

“If any man will save his life he must lose it.”

Let’s critique all of our lives in the light of God’s Word. We are in serious warfare. We must be proactive. Our salvation through grace is just the beginning. After that, we must fight the good fight of faith. Servanthood is contrary to our nature. We must practice, strive, train and pray to be servants.

Just a short comment today…I am in awe and wonder of the Lord’s creativity, His “surprises”, His expressions of love to us through our children. Perhaps it’s my never-ending desire for “something different”, for another creative expression, that has given strength to my belief to accept all of God’s gifts of children.

I used to believe as families had more children, you know, beyond what they could reasonably “pay attention to”, that surely their love waned for each additional child. I can’t believe I actually use to believe that!

God’s grace in this area is so rich and beautiful! I have found the opposite to be true. With each child He has given me, I have felt more tender towards my children, more capacity to love, more astounded by the mystery of life and the uniqueness of each child, more prone to tears of gratitude upon the birth of a new baby.

Praise God for His indescribable gifts! How full my life is, and how thankful I am that He has led me to embrace the riches and treasures of people rather than those fading riches of the world.

OK, so it wasn’t so short…reservation is not exactly my gift 🙂

Washing feet. Not a glamorous job. But a job worthy of the King of Kings to perform with love and humility.

But there’s more. He then admonishes us to be like Him.

“Oh Lord, I want to be like you…I really do”, we say. He replies, “then wash their feet.”

“No, I mean I want an honorable ministry. Ya know, one that other people will point to and say, ‘my, how godly she is!’ ” And Jesus says, “then you have shall have no part with me.”

It’s no accident that everything the Lord requires of us is hatefully opposed to our nature. “Love your enemies….be last…lose your life…crucify the flesh…and yes, wash feet.” But the beautiful irony is that only when we submit to living a life that He asks of us, does His grace gush in like a tidal wave, and carry us up on its crest, enabling us to do the hardest of things.

We are proud, stubborn creatures, who, if we find ourselves forced to “wash feet” for any length of time, begin, before we’re even done, to throw ourselves a pity party, and evoke the sympathies of others to soothe our poor, pathetic lots in life. But the Lord says “wash feet”, and do it cheerfully.

WHY???

Because it conforms us to His image. Because it’s not the glory we receive here that counts for anything. It’s the eternal reward of faithful, consistent, often unnoticed obedience.

Motherhood provides one of the greatest opportunities to “wash feet” that I can think of. And isn’t it just like the Lord to give us a job that often seems too big to handle? “I can’t handle anymore children.” Of course you can’t. That’s the whole point! He knows you can’t, but He is begging you to let Him show his power through you!

If I can handle my life, why do I need a Savior? Do you know where he wants us? In a place of helpless, desperation, where we finally cry out, “OK, you’re right, I can’t do it!” Ah. Now that’s what a pliable lump of clay looks like. Now we can be used for something.

Already this morning I have cleaned up two full bowls of spilled milk (one all over the cloth cushion of the kitchen chair), settled I don’t know how many disputes, had to discern why the little ones are fussing, when to discipline, when to gently listen, urge the children to “speak gently” meanwhile pushing my urge to explode down, mop the floor, answer math questions, change diapers, pick up the living room….again, wash dishes…well, you know….your list is as long as mine.

And for some reason, today seems harder than most. I had already planned to “tell my husband all about it” when he called. As if that would be a blessing to him, or to my listening children.

>So the Lord beckons me to take a deep breath, retreat into a quiet place, and pour out to Him my frustrations.

>Then, pick up a clean towel, smile, and go wash some more feet!

Tending needs both day and night.

Changing diapers, giving kisses.

The sacrifice for others’ needs.

Or heard the applause of worldly praise.

She knew what others couldn’t see.

About that treasure this mother knew.

And then she felt His strong embrace.

The King of Kings knelt at her feet.

She gasped in horror through her tears.

To let her wash her Savior’s feet.

“You did, when you served the least of these”.