motherhood/family/parenting

We tend to look around at other moms and compare ourselves, thinking our children might fare better if only we were–“better”… “I don’t see how she keeps her house so clean”….”If I were only smarter”…”more creative”…”more patient”…ad infinitum.

So what makes a *good* mom?  Lots of things, I think.  But I’m going to step out on a limb and say that perhaps the MOST important aspect of being a mom–the nurturing kind needed to build strong, confident, healthy children–is simply BEING  THERE.

A child is built with a strangely deep need for constant security, stable conditions and simple, ongoing care from the people who most deeply love him.

He might be playing blocks in the floor, but there’s a comfort knowing mom is in the next room if he needs her.  He has a myriad of needs in a day–small to us, maybe, but gigantic to him.  Bumps and bruises, potty issues, “problems” to solve, things to learn, expressions to find, and he is feeling around with every fiber of his being for the one, constant motion in his life that will walk beside him through these monumental stages.

There are so many mysterious, supernatural workings going on under the surface of daily life–things we just have to trust, believing God is using our faithfulness in the small things to bring about His monumental revelations.

So, relax!  And more importantly, instead of your  efforts to BE something else, just focus on being available.  Just being there feels so little, so unimportant, but think again!  It’s really the biggest thing you do all day.  Be there in the moments of your children–be a smile, a hug, a firm hand, a light, an ear, a help, a dictionary–all those things are building strong little people.  Your loving presence is the steel that will hold them together.

Do you ever look around and wonder where the outstanding men and women of the younger generation are?  Do you ever read historical biographies and find the young, upright characters almost unbelievable compared to today’s youth?

We seem to be breeding a culture of mediocrity.  Young people who lack that kind of fortitude and character capable of weathering any storm.  I’m appalled these days at how many reports I hear of men losing their jobs and suffering hardship and reacting to that hardship by murdering their familyies and then committing suicide….men who simply haven’t been equipped to withstand the storm.

And then there’s the dilemma I’ve heard circulating among companies and employers:  the immense dearth of employees who are faithful, hard-working and EXCELLENT at their jobs.

Where are they?  What have we done?

Our Sunday night Bible study has been studying Daniel for the past several weeks.  I think every family should delve into the life and story of Daniel. 

Daniel was very young when he went into the service for the king.  The king was a wicked and harsh man and Daniel exhibited excellence of character at every turn.  Read through that book with new eyes.

A friend recently shared with me how her two homeschool-graduate sons were doing in their classes at college.  She humbly expressed gratitude that their professors seemed to be overwhelmed with their character, introducing them to colleagues at every chance, and in general, praising them for their diligence in their work and their outstanding communication skills.  It’s as if they’ve discovered a rare treasure among their students.

“Do you see a man skilled in his work? He will stand before kings; He will not stand before obscure men.”  Proverbs 22:29

How do parents raise children to be “skilled in his work”?  Excellent?  (Bear in mind the “excellence” I’m describing here is not “arrogance” but diligence, and the portrayal of godly character.)

It starts right at the beginning, just like everything else.  And it involves intensity of effort on our parts.  (Anything good requires intense effort!)  Here are a few things I thought of that would help us raise children of excellent character:

• Give them responsibility as early as possible, and praise their efforts.  As soon as a baby can walk, he can begin to help.  Let him know that his help is valuable–picking up a block, throwing a piece of trash away, etc.  Increase that work according to ability.

• Hold up examples of excellence.  I mentioned reading biographies–these are great tools for “showing” your children what godly character looks like, and how a life is blessed by excellence of character.

• Model it.  We can’t miss the obvious!  How do you respond to life situations?  Are you honest?  Level-headed?  Do you go to the Bible for insight in handling situations?

• Don’t say “YES” to everything.  Parents have the grave misconception that to love them is to give them everything and not to deny their every want.  I submit this can be detrimental to a child’s character.  Of course we enjoy giving good gifts to our children, but they also need to learn to be content and to see us exercising wisdom as we make choices.

• Teach them the Word of God.  Another obvious one, but how many of today’s youth are really being saturated with the instruction of Scripture?  Do they know what the Bible says about how to handle situations?  It’s more than attending church on Sundays too.  It’s daily implanting the Word in their hearts “when we rise up, when we lie down, when we sit in our house, and when we walk by the way”. 

Can I just say it again…it’s WORK!!!!  And that is exactly what we have been called to.   Roll up those sleeves 😉

Last week, a line that I posted from a soldier’s quote about his mother has been ringing in my ears:

“Before our minds could grasp their meaning, simple formulas were fixed in our memories which should afterwards prove lights to guide our steps aright.”

Memorization.  Reading of Scripture and solid, theological catechisms.  These seeds that seem pointless in the ears of young children are in fact cultivating rich soil in their hearts which will prove invaluable to them in later years.

I’ve mentioned the importance of reading Scripture to little ones in previous posts, and I might remind you that the author of Ten Peas in a Pod said he would go to the extreme of waking up his sleeping infants to be present at Bible reading time!

His theory is so logical we miss it!  If you never spoke words to a child until he was capable of understanding them, he would be impaired for life.  I fear we are guilty of raising “spiritually impaired” children in the same practice!  How many adults have you heard lament that they “can’t understand the Bible”?  Could this be one major reason for a church full of spiritual babes?

I was singing a hymn the other day and I realized I knew the words to so many songs I heard repetitively as a tiny child; comparatively, I still have to look up the words to hymns I’ve only learned as an adult, in spite of having sung them many times.

Those words were planted, even before I could read them or sing them.  They are still there, and now “afterwards prove lights to guide my steps aright”.

One simple exercise I try to do with my children is quote Psalm 1 to them as soon as I bring them home from the hospital each time I change their diaper.  It’s just a consistent time that I can remember to pour God’s Word into their hearts.  (Psalm 1 is the first chapter our children memorize.)

Just a reminder–let’s remember the supernatural work that is going on in those rapidly absorbing minds of our children.  It’s OK to read the cutesie stories; but don’t forget the meat, because if you wait, they may never crave more than the milk!