motherhood/family/parenting

(Reposted from the archives)

The first rays of sun invade my bedroom…beautiful, and unwelcomed all the same. Sleep begs me to stay, a two year old begs me to come. The baby sleeps…finally.

Yesterday’s laundry is scattered on the bedroom floor–objects of a child’s imaginary play. So much for “organized perfection” now that I have upgraded the laundry room.

Another child whines…for breakfast. How long will it take to teach him to ask cheerfully?

I wish the coffee was already made.

“Make a joyful noise unto the Lord, all ye wands.”

Singing comes from behind me. The reminder that my sinful heart is so easily tainted by trifling irritations…the reminder that I can’t teach my children to stop whining until I stop.

So, what of the Cheerios on the floor? Fingerprints on the glass? Do I let the noise “get on my nerves”?

Life lives here. And it is so beautiful, and I am thankful. With all its flaws, and reality. Yes, our floor is dirty a lot. And I can’t remember the last time I visited the potty alone.

And I dread the day when I will actually miss all that stuff!

Lord, wash over me Your loving kindness, Your gentle spirit, and whisper love while I wait.

Hold me in your arms just now, and carry me through this dark place.

For I know your love is better than life.

Let me love the valleys more than all else, for they lift me to You.

Let me cherish the empty places, for they fill me with You.

Let my tears cleanse away the clutter like rain that brings fresh life again.

Thank you that You know my heart when it’s impossible for anyone else to

And let me rest in that knowing as my faith look up to Thee.

Sometimes “survival mode” happens.  You know that if you’re a mother.  Seasons of life, sickness, stressful life events, poor health–any number of reasons can make life feel overwhelming.

But the merry-go-round keeps turning and jumping off is not an option!  Motherhood is full time, even when you don’t feel like it.

But on the worst of days, there are some things you can do to keep things going.  I’ll share a few of my favorites:

Parenting is a hot topic.  Opinions swing from one end of the spectrum to the other.  And yet, there seems to be evidence abounding (mainly at Wal-Mart, for whatever reason) that there are some missing links to this colossally important job of raising children.

And while we’re on the topic, may I just boldly say, it matters to me how you raise your children, as it should matter to you how I raise mine.  We all live in this society together and whether we’re talking about smashed mail boxes or tax-payer prison costs, we are affected by the job each of us does as parents.

You can read all the books and try to figure out what sounds best to you, but I don’t think that’s the most solid approach to parenting.

In my opinion, there are several sure-fire ways to know what good parenting is. It’s not rocket science, but

The piercing pain of my sin is bittersweet, reminding me of my deep love of the Father.  Grace covers my nakedness and then He clothes me in righteousness. I want to walk worthy of this robe, and that’s why sin hurts…and it should.

Home is the place where all is revealed….the deep pain, the deep love and the deep grace.

“There is an unconscious influence that hangs about every life like an atmosphere, which is more important than the words or acts of the life….When the results of life are all gathered up it will probably be seen that the things which have made the deepest and most lasting impressions in our homes and upon our children have not been the things we did with purpose and intention, planning to produce a certain effect, but the things we did when we were not thinking of training or influencing or affecting any other life.”  (From The Family, J.R. Miller)

Training is needful…there is no denying that.  But training alone is futile, like seeds dropped on parched soil.  That is, the soul-soil of our children must be nurtured and cultivated with constant tenderness and friendship so that the seeds can grow there.

My tongue has been the greatest source of my sorrow lately.

“The law of kindness is on her tongue”.  A kindness that rules.  Is that true of me?

“Out of the heart the mouth speaks.”

And sometimes the words fall out too carelessly, too harshly, and the Father shows me the contents of my heart just then, and it hurts.

And then He offers more grace, and I must offer it too; and they give it, those who are still wearing the ugly, regurgitated contents of my heart.

They still call me “the best Mom in the whole world”.

And that can only be HIS grace, made flesh and dwelling here.

1. Self-control. It starts when a baby is just months old–opportunities to gently remind her that even though you like her a lot, she is not the center of the universe, never will be, and doesn’t need to aspire to be.  This spans from controlling the physical passions of a baby throwing food off a high chair to sexual urges as an adolescent, and continues into areas of finance (you must pay for what you want), handling disappointments and dealing with the difficulties of life.
2. “School” is not the goal — learning is, and that is never over.
3. Good books are essential for growth.
4. Be honest, no matter what.
5. Be diligent, no matter how small the job.
6. Forgive others.  Never hold a grudge, especially against those who have asked your forgiveness.
7. People are more important than things–live like it.
8. Listen to people when they talk.
9. Be courteous and remember your manners everywhere you go.  (Courtesy is a stamp of excellence and a ticket to success.)
10. Believe God enough to do what He says, even when it doesn’t make sense or it’s not the popular choice.

Add yours to the comments!

“Before we can say that we have realized the ideal of a true Christian home, we must prove its spirit.  What impression would our home and its life make upon a pure and simple-hearted child?

We may build a palace of marble.  We may fill it with the rarest beauties of art.  We may adorn it in the most luxurious fashion. We may furnish it in the most costly manner.  It may be perfect as a gem in all its appointment, a piece of art in itself.  Then our home-life may be as stately as royalty itself.  There may be the most perfect order, the loftiest courtesy, the utmost precision of movement.  Each member of the family may fulfill his part with unfailing promptitude.

Bring in the child and ask it what it thinks of your home.  “It is very beautiful,” responds the little one. “It is very grand.  It is a palace.  Does a king live here?”

You turn away disappointed.  You have failed to make such a home as you wished.  You have piled up grandeur, you have made a splendid piece of art; you have succeeded in setting up a model which all will admire; but you have not made a home of love, of tenderness, and of praise.

You begin anew.  You do not seek this time for grandeur.  You build your home with taste and thought.  You put into it as many lovely things as you can afford.  You set up your household life and fill it with the spirit of prayer, of love, of gentleness, of unselfishness.  Again you call the child.  She moves up and down, in and out.  She sleeps under your roof; she eats at your table; she tastes of your pleasures; she mingles in the life of your household.  You ask her what she thinks of your home, and she replies, “I think Jesus lives here!”

It is not the grandeur that impresses her now, but the spirit that dwells within; not the stateliness,  affectionateness, not the courtliness, but the sweetness.  She finds love everywhere–love that shows itself in tone, in act, in look, in word and in countless little manifestations of thoughtfulness and unselfish tenderness. It impresses the untaught feeling of the child as a home like that in which the Master would live.

This is the true test of home-making.”

-J.R. Miller The Family