motherhood/family/parenting

…..”One of the reasons for not enjoying one’s children is the failure to teach them simple obedience and respect. I’ve seen children who haven’t been taught respect for their parents–I wouldn’t want to spend the day with them either. Raising obedient children is almost a lost art…and yet, it is actually quite simple! Well, the concept is simple. The tough part is making the commitment to spend the time and energy required to carry out these “simple” principles.”…..

Join me at Raising Homemakers to read the rest of “Do You Like Your Children?”

Twenty-four hours–that’s all you get. Time is our most valuable commodity. We not only have a limited number of hours per day, but we are only given a limited number of hours to live. How we choose to spend this gift is very important.

Think about your family’s purpose, your goals, your vision. What do you want to accomplish in this small space of time here? What things are the most important to you?  Which things will last? Which things will soonest be forgotten? What kind of legacy do you wish to leave?

Refusing to acknowledge that our time here is pretty limited causes most people to twitter a great deal of it away. Time is our life. Wasted time is wasted life. Ouch.

A few activities that Americans seem to adore, even to the detriment of their relationships are:

• T.V.
• Computer/Gadgets/Games

These things are not inherently evil. But they can easily become enemies of our relationships if we don’t deliberately limit them.

According to the A.C. Nielsen Co., the average American watches more than 4 hours of TV each day. In a 65-year life, that person will have spent 9 years glued to the tube. Most families actually report that watching T.V. is the only “family time” they get. That is, most “family time” is spent watching other (usually fictitious) families live. It almost sounds crazy.

Consequently, many families report only engaging in a few minutes of conversation with each other each day! And we wonder why our problems!

While getting rid of the television may not be the right option for every family, I would suggest at least not keeping one in the main living space. Also, if T.V. time is greatly limited it is more likely to be enjoyed.

• Sports

Whether we’re playing or watching, sports have become an idol to many American families. The love of sports can root out important time around the dinner table, leave parents and children frazzled from the harried schedules and even pull families away from resting and worshiping together on the Sabbath.

I am NOT opposed to sports….unless they strain family relationships and rob families of their priorities. Lately I’ve seen school sports teams require inordinate amounts of time from their players at younger and younger ages. When families can’t participate in holiday gatherings because of sports commitments, it might be time to reevaluate whether it’s important enough to us. I would simply challenge families to consider the reason they are willing to devote so much time and energy to them. Is it a pursuit you’ll be glad you sacrificed so much for five years from now? Does it enrich your family? Does it still leave room for your highest priorities?

• Work

Obviously, someone has to work to pay the bills. But it’s important to make sure that the things we are working for is furthering our family’s purpose. If we are working to pay for all the extras that are already robbing our family of time and energy we may need to reevaluate our budget and activities. Perhaps a two income family would make it on one income if our pursuits were shifted around and there was more time to think about saving money and living more simply. Maybe hours could be cut back if we cut back other expenses that aren’t necessarily enriching our family.

• Computer/Gadgets/Games

In the most technologically advanced era to date, screens pulls us away from each other with an incredible force. We have to be deliberate to limit our time in these areas. I personally think it’s a bad idea to give children their own phones and gadgets. It certainly presents a bigger challenge for relationships and living simply, not to mention the suggested research on the mental harm these hyper-stimulating activities can have on developing brains.

There are huge perks to Internet access and the ability to reach anyone any time. But just because those conveniences are available doesn’t mean we have to be enslaved to them. Most of us feel obligated to answer our cell phones no matter where we are. I’ve noticed how many will answer their phones in the middle of a visit or dinner…something that would once be considered extremely rude. Turn off the phone, put limits around computer use and let’s keep our faces looking at each other!

Maybe we need a hard, honest look at the way we spend our time. Do we do the things we do because it makes us better and life simpler? Or do we do them to keep up with the neighbors? What do our children really need to grow into well-rounded adults?

Perhaps “budgeting” our time, as Dave Ramsey suggests with our money, would make sense. It’s not that it’s wrong to do fun things or have down time, but we must “tell” our time where to go or too much of it will slip away on unimportant things, leaving too little time for the important ones.

Let me leave you with a thought to ponder….”without relationships, we have empty lives…it’s all about relationships”. Be vigilant to keep them rich.

What’s it like in your home, when no one but your family is there?  Is there a “sweet aroma of kindness” wafting through the air, or is it more often sounds of anger, strife and discontentment?

God is always right.  And when Jesus said that the greatest commandment is “to love the Lord with all your heart, soul and mind and your neighbor as yourself”, He was tapping into something monumental as it relates to family life:

The practical application of “loving your neighbor as yourself” is courtesy. Courtesy will transform the atmosphere of your home.

Since the storm, obviously we’ve had some added stresses (and my Dad was hospitalized last night for the 3rd. time since his initial heart attack the morning of the tornado).

Our routines are upside down. My hormones have been weird.  My husband is carrying a huge load on his shoulders. My children have their struggles. I’ve noticed an increase in the tension of our home…little things, but maybe not so little all added up.

It’s easy for even normal life stresses to wear on family members.  We all know too well that we are more comfortable around each other which often allows us to leave off common courtesy. And little by little, our relationships suffer, we drift in heart, and can even become bitter.

But, as the children of God, we are called to love…really love and that love MUST manifest itself in our home if anywhere!

“The spirit is willing, but the flesh is weak”.

We need to train our flesh to meet our spirits.  And how do we do that?  By transforming our minds!

Aaron and I have decided to “study courtesy” each night with our children. Study it. Talk about specific traits and how to apply them in specific circumstances.  A kind word instead of a harsh one can make ALL the difference in building and maintaining our relationships. It is our duty to show love in the small things to our family each day.

The kindness of the Lord can grow in our hearts and homes if we are deliberate in battling the flesh that wars against it.  And when our homes are filled with the sweetness of Him who is Love, it will spill out to all those around us.

That’s true transformation of the world–the Great Commission at its best.

Sometimes in life we must rehearse what we know, review what we’ve lived and beg the Lord for mercy to keep walking in truth.

If I’ve ever needed reminders such as this post from the archives, it is now. Let’s pray for each other that the storms of life don’t distract us in the important places.

Motherhood is made up of that complex design that requires so much from us, and yet requires so little.

There is so much to be done, and yet what our children need from us is not hard. Time, tenderness, instruction and direction. They need to walk alongside us in life. That is how we impart to them what is important.  That is how they come to trust us and believe us and allow us to transmit the great lessons of life.  Do I let them into my life? Or do I shoo them away so I can get more done?

Does the pressing list of my day rob my children of a first-morning smile? Does my schedule squeeze out a mid-day hug? Can I let them into everything–the essence of building relationships, speaking through my actions, “You are important to me right now”?

A few years, and my building time is gone. Their cement foundations will be dried and firm. Am I letting God’s Word become real in my relationships?

Standards are good. Guidelines, necessary. Principles and even concrete “family rules” are appropriate.

But those will only produce the real fruit we desire if our children know that we love the Lord above anything else, and that what we do as a family springs from that love.