Category:

motherhood/family/parenting

Women, Work & Freedom: One Big, Fat, Suicidal Error

by Kelly Crawford May 19, 2013

written by Kelly Crawford

Nicholas Farrell nailed it in his piece, Women, Work & Freedom, exposing the truths that most of us are too afraid to say out loud, regardless of the damage we’ve all suffered from ignoring it.

“Women in Europe and America have made one great big fat suicidal error as a result of modern feminism since the movement’s inception: They have confused work with freedom. This confusion has had catastrophic consequences for all of us because it has fatally infected the core activity of any healthy civilization: the creation and upbringing of children….

The truth is the precise opposite….Nearly all work, if we mean the work that most people in the West do day after day in exchange for money, is a life sentence in prison. It is dull, repetitive, and soul-destroying. It does not liberate.” -Nicholas Farrell

I have always puzzled at the claim of “freedom” in the demand of women to work outside the home when it is apparent they haven’t been liberated from anything, but rather had a burden added to their already intensive, full-time job. Not liberation, but stress, anxiety and exhaustion seems to be what women really fought for and won.

I have said before, I’m not trying to be oppressive by saying that women should focus on their roles at home instead of clamoring to get out; I’m trying to illumine the truly liberating life that so many have forsaken for a false promise. (That’s a nice thing, right? And every time I still get harassed for it…go figure.)

And yes, bringing up children had to be villainized, on some level, before feminists could convince the masses of women that they were somehow being short-changed. They were too…distracted, maybe? to realize, as Farrell said, that the secret to a “healthy civilization” is having children and investing, full time, in their upbringing. And, the results are in. We’re splitting at the seams and no one seems to make the connection.

And then there’s this–oh how did we miss this:

“If women stopped work tomorrow it would solve the West’s chronic unemployment crisis overnight. Due to the dire shortage of workers left, salaries would rocket.”

The “can’t afford it” argument? Sometimes that’s true (although usually not), but we created that monster too. If one-income families were the norm, the income would rise to meet it. It’s just so simple: women have an incredibly important role to play (THE most important, perhaps?) and men are sufficiently ready to take care of us and do the grunt work of providing an income. We all have a wonderful, specific cog in this wheel that makes the world go ’round, one just as important as the other. But it takes us all, content with our cogs, to keep the wheel turning.

Read the rest of Women, Work & Freedom

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May 19, 2013 155 comments

abortion christian living pregnancy/birth control

Abortion and the Schizophrenic Rule-Makers We Are

by Kelly Crawford May 14, 2013

written by Kelly Crawford

I won’t expound here, as most of you already understand the tragic absurdity in the Gosnell trial, the abortion doctor found guilty of killing babies.

Did you get that? I could stop there and the point would be made.

Taking a life is wrong. It doesn’t matter how scared the woman who is growing a person is, or how poor, or how anything, she simply can’t be given the right to decide if another innocent person deserves to live or die–no one should have that right. Because just as in this case, the slope gets very slippery and your life or mine could end up being weighed in the schizophrenic balance, according to circumstance instead of value, by someone else some day.

It all started with circumstance vs. value, didn’t it? The value of life began to wane when circumstance made it desirable to avoid it and technology made it easy. But then, if you really, really wanted to avoid making a life, and life appeared anyway, then what? It was the first stepping stone to “taking care of things” after the fact if it didn’t work before.

We’ve tried to make the rules and we’ve made a huge mess. Why? Because “the heart is deceitfully wicked.” No sadness of plight should sway our belief in right and wrong. We need a mooring, an immovable standard. We have one, but have forsaken it.

The lines get blurred and we can’t even make sense of it anymore. What is murder? What is a woman’s choice? Why are they not called the same? Is it measured by bloodshed? A tidy abortion just doesn’t offend us the same as a messy one. Geography? Outside or inside the womb? Where is the line? Either way, a baby dies. Why is Dr. Gosnell guilty while thousands go free?

“The law of the Lord is perfect, restoring the soul.” Psalm 19:7

“Woe to those who call evil good, and good evil.” Isaiah 5:20

“Hear, O my people, and I will testify unto thee: O Israel, if thou wilt hearken unto me; But my people would not hearken to my voice; and Israel would none of me. So I gave them up unto their own hearts’ lust: and they walked in their own counsels.” Psalm 81:8, 11-12

May 14, 2013 15 comments

motherhood/family/parenting

What American Parents Need to Do Differently (The Research Is In)

by Kelly Crawford May 13, 2013

written by Kelly Crawford

Yes, a resounding “yes!” But I’m just a country Mom. What do I know? That’s why this article was so much fun; it confirmed what I already believe and have found proof in living. But now that a “qualified” person finally said it, (you know, someone who did the research–the only thing that makes it real and believable to the masses), I can feel even more confident about our parenting choices.

You’re gonna love it too.

The author, Christine Gross-Loh, writes:

“The parent I used to be and the parent I am now both have the same goal: to raise self-reliant, self-assured, successful children. But 12 years of parenting, over five years of living on and off in Japan, two years of research, investigative trips to Europe and Asia and dozens of interviews with psychologists, child development experts, sociologists, educators, administrators and parents in Japan, Korea, China, Finland, Germany, Sweden, France, Spain, Brazil and elsewhere have taught me that though parents around the world have the same goals, American parents like me (despite our very best intentions) have gotten it all backwards.”

(While I may not agree with every aspect of the article, I certainly agreed with the bulk of it.)

Her findings, the short version:

We need to let 3-year-olds climb trees and 5-year-olds use knives.

“Ellen Hansen Sandseter, a Norwegian researcher at Queen Maud University in Norway, has found in her research that the relaxed approach to risk-taking and safety actually keeps our children safer by honing their judgment about what they’re capable of.”

Children can go hungry from time-to-time. (Meaning, you don’t have to rush to give children snacks every time he asks; it could hinder their healthy meal-eating habits. And you certainly don’t need to allow your children a special menu different from what is offered to the whole family.)

“[Korean] children are taught that food is best enjoyed as a shared experience. All children eat the same things that adults do, just like they do in most countries in the world with robust food cultures. (Ever wonder why ethnic restaurants don’t have kids’ menus?). The result? Korean children are incredible eaters. They sit down to tables filled with vegetables of all sorts, broiled fish, meats, spicy pickled cabbage and healthy grains and soups at every meal.” (Korea has the lowest rates of obesity.)

Instead of keeping children satisfied, we need to fuel their feelings of frustration.

(I didn’t care for the term “fuel their frustration.” I think the point is not to give a child everything he wants to keep him happy–as if this were rocket science.)

“Studies show that children who exhibit self-control and the ability to delay gratification enjoy greater future success.” (Imagine!) “Anecdotally, we know that children who don’t think they’re the center of the universe are a pleasure to be around.”

Children should spend less time in school. (My personal favorite.)

“The Finnish model of education includes a late start to academics (children do not begin any formal academics until they are 7 years old), frequent breaks for outdoor time, shorter school hours and more variety of classes than in the US.” (Finnish students frequently rate the highest, academically, in the world.)

Thou shalt spoil thy baby.

According to research, Japanese children, who co-sleep with their parents, become more independent later in life. (This is probably one I don’t necessarily disagree with, but personally haven’t implemented simply because I enjoy MY sleep in my bed with my husband ;-). In the early nursing months, baby does sleep some with me and I don’t sleep well at all.)

Children need to feel obligated.

“In America, as our kids become adolescents, we believe it’s time to start letting them go and giving them their freedom. We want to help them be out in the world more and we don’t want to burden them with family responsibilities. In China, parents do the opposite: the older children get, the more parents remind them of their obligations.

Eva Pomerantz of the University of Illinois at Urbana Champaign has found through multiple studies that in China, the cultural ideal of not letting adolescents go but of reminding them of their responsibility to the family and the expectation that their hard work in school is one way to pay back a little for all they have received, helps their motivation and their achievement.

Even more surprising: She’s found that the same holds for Western students here in the US: adolescents who feel responsible to their families tend to do better in school.”

Read all of “Have Americans Got it All Backwards?”

——————————–

The last point was especially good, and the one MOST OFTEN ridiculed in our culture. So many parents have the crazy idea that it’s good for their children to be released of any familial obligation, and that it’s nearly abuse to require them to do their part in the responsibilities of the family. We give them their vehicles, gadgets, college money, let them roam free, and create entitlement monsters. And we’re surprised when their own family falls apart?

Hope this dose of good, common sense will take root and help us raise healthier, smarter, more stable adults for the next generation.

May 13, 2013 41 comments

motherhood/family/parenting

ABC’s of Motherhood (For You, on Mother’s Day)

by Kelly Crawford May 10, 2013

written by Kelly Crawford

Assume the best about your children; they are still learning, growing and they need you to believe in them.

Be available. There are so many distractions. Fight them. It’s one of the most important things a mother can do.

Call them fun nicknames.

Devote yourself to imparting wisdom to your children.

Exhale deeply. It’s only spilled milk.

Firmly draw lines.

Gently enforce them.

Help them do the most important thing in life: seek God and the infinite wisdom found in Him. It will CHANGE the course of their lives….every aspect.

Include them in what you do. It is the best way to teach and to make them feel valued.

Just relax. What seems like a big deal today won’t be tomorrow. Maintain perspective.

Keep the vision. You’re raising men and women and your influence on them will be over soon.

Let them experiment, explore and do things on their own. That’s the best education you can give them.

Model for them (by God’s grace) the attitudes, responses, habits and kindness you want them to have.

Never fail to repent when you have sinned.

Object to activities, reading material, movies/tv or any other forms of media and entertainment that do not line up with Philippians 4:8…no matter what their friends are doing.

Passionately love them.

Quit worrying about keeping up with others’ expectations. You are the mom to these children; God has given you a unique gift to raise them.

Remind your children constantly that their purpose in life is to use all their gifts, talents, strengths and passions to glorify their Creator.

Search out their interests; then give them the freedom and tools to explore them. This is where children best thrive.

Tell stories. Stories about your childhood, make-believe stories, educational stories. It’s a gift to their imaginations.

Use your time wisely. Say “no” to things that do not help your family grow and meet your life-long goals.

Voraciously read to them.

Walk with your children, listening, answering and smiling. Point out the birds, the clover, the sounds around you. Let them see you in awe at the beauty and creation of God.

X-pect them to be polite, courteous and kind. When they’re not, point it out, and replace it with an appropriate response.

Yesterday is over, with its mistakes. Purpose to fill today with joy. Your children will never forget it. It’s the little things in a day that will imprint on their memories.

Zealously bring your children before the throne of God, reminding yourself that they belong to Him.

(Another oldie but goodie…Dandelions & Mothers)

May 10, 2013 13 comments

abortion pregnancy/birth control

On Mother’s Day, Abortion, & the Church’s Part

by Kelly Crawford May 8, 2013

written by Kelly Crawford

This approaching Mother’s Day has brought about such mixed emotions. I read, with belly full of squirming life, the horrific details of the Gosnell trial in front of us, and am painfully aware that the abortion industry knows no bounds, and is becoming a bloodier and more murderous force, cloaking its audacity with “compassion for women”, all the while slaughtering them.

I’m also aware of how absurd and inconsistent we are. What Gosnell did was heinous; but no more heinous than if he had killed those babies just minutes before, right before they emerged from their mother’s womb (which happens every day), when he would have been protected, instead of on trial for murder, by the Supreme Court who deems it constitutional to kill a baby as long as there isn’t too much blood, apparently.

Motherhood is viewed by some to be so repulsive, they are willing to kill to avoid it. And once killing a baby is a protected option, all children must suffer the devaluation of their existence. As Rachel Jankovic so aptly put it:

“Abortion in our country is not a standalone moment, brought about by women who somehow haven’t heard of adoption. Abortion is that dark crisis choice served up to millions of women every year, courtesy of our cultural religion of self-fulfillment. It is the bloody path taken by many women who feel that they really “had no choice” (at least if they were going to finish law school, if they were going to have a career, if they were going to be slim in their bikinis in time for Spring Break). Everyone acts like abortion is a sad thing, but a necessity. But the truth is that abortion is the sacrifice that our religion of selfishness requires.” The Real Life of the Pro-Life Home

What Can We Do

We all want to do something. Some picket the sidewalks and beg women to spare their babies, praying that God’s grace would intervene in the last moment. We all need to be a voice.

And yet the jaws of this deadly monster seem too fierce to combat.

I’ll tell you what we can do, before we start picketing…we can repent, as the Body of Christ, for feeding the abortion industry, by lying to families about what God says about children and perpetuating the fear and stigma of pregnancy outside a “perfect” situation.

Pastors can repent for not honestly transferring the Word of God to their congregations about children and what they’re for and how we are to think about them.

We can repent for not living out, in front of the world, the living gospel, which includes the embracing of the blessing and purpose of children.

We can repent for saying we are “pro-life” but not fully living it. For mocking mothers with more than three children or ignoring her needs, treating her as irresponsible, which is to play our part in the death culture.

We can repent for killing our own babies through abortifacient means like the pill and IUD, before we claim to be bothered by Dr. Gosnell’s crimes.

We can repent for thinking, and making others think, that we have absolute control over life and have a right, a responsibility even, for the most temporal of reasons, to refuse to welcome children and worse, chide others who don’t do the same.

We can repent for coddling the children we do have, treating them as trophies rather than the steward-gifts from God that they are, given to us for HIS glory and purpose.

Christians can stop being hypocrites and start being consistent in their theology about life. We are pro-every-life, or we are not really pro-life. That’s what we can do.

Right now, in our culture, in our time, there is something uniquely potent about mothers sacrificing for their children. As we lay down our lives for them, presenting ourselves to God as a living sacrifice, that sacrifice makes an aroma. That sacrifice directly contradicts and blasphemes everything the world is fighting for. As you care for your children, on the long days and tired moments, disciplining yourself, sacrificing yourself for them, you are reaching out to the world. When you present yourself as a living sacrifice, the aroma of that sacrifice cannot be contained. We do not turn inwards towards our children and towards our homes because we do not care about the world. We turn inwards because the world needs to smell this sacrifice….

Motherhood is the big-leagues of self-sacrifice. Millions of women kill to avoid it. In our culture of self-gratification, to embrace selfless motherhood is a revolutionary act. To see the sacrifice and rejoice in it. To recognize that the cost is your own life, and to willingly lay yourself down. The world hates the smell of that sacrifice, because it is the smell of grace. They hate it because it is the smell of something living and burning at the same time — something that is impossible without a risen Savior.

There are times to stand on sidewalks and hold signs, but holding a sign isn’t what makes a mother pro-life. Being pro-life means putting the life of another ahead of your own. It means being daily grace to the small souls nearest to you.” The Real Life of the Pro-Life Home, Rachel Jankovic

Purpose of Children

And it’s not just our negative attitudes toward children that are wrong, but also our lack of understanding the grand purpose of their role in the Kingdom. If we acknowledged God’s purpose for children, our entire paradigm would shift.

Doug Wilson (Rachel’s father) says it perfectly in Raising Arrow Children:

“Like arrows in the hands of a mighty warrior…Blessed was the man who had sons who stand with him in a crucial showdown at the city council. They were shoulder to shoulder behind him, and not over on the other side. Neither were they all at home playing video games or out back smoking in the alley….The patter of little feet around the house is a blessing of God, one that we know by natural revelation. But the promise of formidable children is a promise given to us by special revelation….Acorns are cute, but sprawling oaks weathering a storm are glorious. And when we focus on the real blessing of “adorable” children, this can be the cause of mission drift.”

They are a precious gift to us, but our happiness and fuzzy feelings are not the reason we’re given children. Their purpose is not to win beauty pageants or become the best athlete so we can brag on Facebook about them. Their purpose is to “contend with the enemies”. To be raised as mighty warriors, strong, competent, wise and bold. To further the gospel, to stand for truth, to increase the army of God and to glorify Him in all the earth.

And that takes a committed, deliberate, costly focus.

We will never see the atrocities of abortion begin to wane until His own people become truly pro-life and know their reason for being so.

May 8, 2013 59 comments

motherhood/family/parenting pregnancy/birth control

The Real Reason I Have So Many Children

by Kelly Crawford May 4, 2013

written by Kelly Crawford

It does happen. About my 8th month of pregnancy, when ligament pains have me doubled over or I realize what a chore it is to walk to the bathroom. And then again, right after the baby is born, and I feel so LIGHT, and I can walk, and the birds are singing and the sun is shining and I’m ready to get back into shape and feel normal.

The thought comes….”I don’t know if I want to do this again. I’ve put my motherhood time in, right? I mean I have a house full already! It wouldn’t be wrong to just…stop, would it?”

It may not be. I don’t know the answer to that question. But I do know the answer that comes back to me every time:

“God is intricately working out the details of our lives, governing every step, hand-crafting every life. And this life is about glorifying Him. And…there’s more to this life, to my life. The lives He gives me are eternal. And, I don’t “choose to have babies.” No one can. I can only choose not to. Do I want to be the clay in the Potter’s hand, and see what He has in mind for His final masterpiece? Or do I want to sling myself off the wheel because I’m a little dizzy just now?”

That’s the answer I get; what He says to ME. That I CAN technically stop my next child from being born, and that may be OK. Or it may not be…I don’t think it’s always black and white. I do know that “it is He who has made us, and not we ourselves.” That pregnancy isn’t like sickness, something I think we are freely allowed to try to avert. That people are all that matter to Him compared to things and jobs and vacations…and even my temporary comfort.

But what if that one that I didn’t accept–what if he or she had a particularly crucial role in the life of another? (And don’t we all?) What if he or she would give birth to someone who had a critical role in the life of another?

It starts to sound like a fun premise for a science-fiction movie; one little move in history changes everything. But couldn’t it?

Are you the child of a woman who was the child of a fifth-born? Changed your life. Well, brought it into its very existence. It blows my mind. And THAT is why I don’t want to hinder what belongs to the Lord. Many things He gives me to choose; but I don’t feel qualified in the life-department. It just feels too big for me.

Does it make you think?

Jonathan Edwards–5th of eleven children

Benjamin Franklin–15th of 17 children (Let that one sink in!!!)

Napoleon Bonaparte–4th of 10 children

George Washington–5th of 10 children

John Wesley–15th of 19 children (Susanna, mother, 25th child)

Johann Sebastian Bach–8th of 8

Sylvanus Crosby (grandfather of Fanny Crosby)–19th of 19

Celine Dion–14th of 14 children

May 4, 2013 102 comments

homeschooling motherhood/family/parenting

Making Life Easier: Chores and Homeschool Help is Here!

by Kelly Crawford May 1, 2013

written by Kelly Crawford

As I march in the struggle every mother has to get organized, stay organized and run a more orderly home, I am so excited to be implementing two new things, from The Ultimate Homemaking Ebook Bundle to help me!

I’ve recently realized, as we’ve virtually been rebuilding and putting our lives back together after the tornado in 2011, that I need to regroup and become more intentional, especially with my little ones, about imprinting God’s word and His wisdom on their hearts each day. So these have come at a perfect time!

$5.00

Write Through the Bible, by Trisha @ Intoxicated on Life, is a printable download of copywork sheets of memory verses. I love this for several reasons. First, we are huge fans of copy work, a simple practice that Charlotte Mason hailed as a fundamental teaching tool.

“When a child copies a passage, he has to copy letters, words and punctuation. And in order to copy it correctly, he has to really see it. This is a seeing that impresses the information on the child’s brain.” -C. M.

These sheets are done for me, with lined spaces and Scripture verses, which we favor for copy work, but it can be hard for a little one to copy the tiny words from a Bible. Problem solved! The kids love these so much more than just writing in their notebooks. (There’s a cursive and print version.)

___________________

$17.99

Easy Peasy Chore Charts by Alina Joy @ The Good Old Days Farm

Finally, simple help with chore time! Such a brilliant idea!

A customizable, printable system that easily adjusts to every family, this chore chart system makes helping children remember and follow through with their chores easy peasy!

I’m still printing these off and getting my system set up and I’m just giddy thinking about it!

And this!!! The ABC’s For Godly Children Curriculum, by Lindsey at Road to 31–a fabulous resource for moms of young ones who want to intentionally turn their hearts toward God’s Word. I’m printing and laminating these to use over and over. One of my older ones can recite it with the younger ones and everyone benefits from some important Scripture memory.

“The ABC’s For Godly Children is a comprehensive, Bible eCurriculum centered around teaching children ages 4-10 about the God they serve and how to have a heart like His.

By using each letter of the alphabet a Bible lesson is presented in an understandable and interactive format to teach core truths concerning the Gospel, Godly Character, and Biblical Manhood and Womanhood. Your children will learn their ABC’s and a necessary Biblical foundation as they connect them through Scripture memorization, detailed lessons, simple crafts, and interactive song.”

~~~~~~~~~~

Notice that the purchase of these three fabulous resources totals $30.99. Worth every penny. BUT, if you buy The Ultimate Homemaking Ebook Bundle you get these two PLUS 95 more incredible ebooks, PLUS $140 in bonus gifts for just $29.97.

That, friend, is a no-brainer ;-). Don’t forget to tell your friends, who may be struggling in different areas, about this amazing deal (or you could surprise her with it!)

May 1, 2013 11 comments

motherhood/family/parenting pregnancy/birth control

Motherhood, Humility and Empty Vessels

by Kelly Crawford April 27, 2013

written by Kelly Crawford

It’s the ~~one and only~~ two preggo pictures for this, my 10th baby. You know you gotta have one. When I say “tenth baby” it’s so hard for me to believe I have ten children. I’m glad and thankful, just surprised and never imagined it for my life. It doesn’t feel like it sounds, apparently. Because when I’m out by myself and someone asks me “is this your first baby” and I say “no”, and then it’s inevitable that I must answer the hyper-ventilating-invoking question, the response feels more dramatic than my life feels.

I understand the surprise, that ten children is not exactly common. But compared with my actual life, we’re just a regular family who drives a small bus. And shares clothes. And hugs more than the average times per day. And doesn’t stress anymore about germs. And, oddly enough, is more excited at the announcement of a new baby than just about anything else on earth. And shares the housework so that really, everybody probably does less work than normal. And has to take turns talking or it can get a little out of hand at the dinner table.

I decided to take another one that showed my belly better 😉

But other than that, I don’t feel different until we all go out in public.

Mostly, at this stage in my life, I’m humbled more than ever. And where I’m not, I’m praying to be. Andrew Murray said, in his book our family is reading again–Humility:

“True humility comes when before God we see ourselves as nothing, have put aside self, and let God be all. The soul that has done this, and can say, ‘I have lost myself in finding You,’ no longer compares itself with others.”

I think a lot about how motherhood can be so “emptying” and how maybe that’s why our culture has become a consistent enemy of motherhood, at least of the motherhood that would threaten to empty us. As my husband read that sentence, I thought of how contrary it is to every message around us–even to our own flesh, and why then, there is such a gulf between what God has said is “right and good” and what everything else poses as “right and good.”

Pregnancy (since I’m here in this time of reflection) is, literally speaking, a body who “empties” part of itself to contain another human being. It’s a perfect picture of a “life-giving vessel”, emptied so it can be filled.

And so it is with us in spirit. God can only fill an empty vessel, a surrendered heart. And then, the miracle of that filling! It is only when we can reach our hands to Heaven and say with Christ, “Not my will, but Thine be done”, that we can walk in perfect peace, knowing He truly orders our steps.

So when another person says to me, “pregnancy is just so hard on your body”, intending to persuade me that I’ve “done” a silly thing by carrying another person, I can exhale with a calm knowing of the greater rewards of being emptied. I’ve had similar, encouraging epiphanies about motherhood and broken vessels. When my back hurts and round ligament pain makes me wince, I tell my children, I did it for you and it was so worth it. I don’t want pain to always be associated with something to be avoided.

Today is the anniversary of the tornado that ripped away all our earthly things. Emptying. Painful. And I can truly say I’m grateful for that life-changing event. It has helped me empty my hands of the more meaningless things in life (although I’m still working on it), to be able to hold what is most dear. I whisper a word of praise to the Father for that too, His perfect will. As a side note, I looked at some of those posts and re-read your comments the other day. Tears just streamed down my face–I probably wasn’t completely cognizant the first time I read them–and they were SUCH a huge blessing to me, two years later, as I reflected on your love and God’s goodness to put things in our lives in order to reveal such love. Thank you again.

April 27, 2013 54 comments

motherhood/family/parenting

Who’s in Charge? The Hard Work of Raising Children Into Adults

by Kelly Crawford April 25, 2013

written by Kelly Crawford

Boundaries, self-control, integrity, courtesy…these are a few traits that come to mind that seem too-often lacking among children. And sadly, those children missing these fundamentally-important traits grow up to be adults and the lack of character is magnified, and we all reap the consequences.

Child-training is seemingly a “lost art”, for lack of a better term. I’ve seen the frazzled mother with a toddler in her grocery cart, he speaking to her in tones that are shocking, sometimes even hitting her for added expression. Her response vacillates anywhere between an embarrassing dialogue, meant for all around to hear, about Santa Claus not coming this year to biting anger and threats. I’ve watched her ignore him, with no results and I’ve longed to try to make her day easier.

Children need boundaries, firm authority, love, security and the knowledge that they are not going to be allowed to fling themselves into oblivion when they don’t get their way. It’s often a matter of simply misunderstanding the importance of our duty: helping our children learn to control themselves, to take “no”, and to respond to a situation correctly. It’s an ongoing process of helping them become adults.

It’s not an option to be “too busy”, “too distracted” or “too tired”. If we are failing at this basic responsibility, something needs to go.

Establishing authority is the beginning. Routine, stability, rhythm of the day and consistency follow. It starts very young, and it is a continual training process, reminding, modeling, disciplining and rewarding.

Every baby throws food from her high chair at some point. A parent’s response to that is important. It is one of a thousand situations in which she needs to be taught what is OK and what isn’t. She is learning socially acceptable behavior. It may only take her mother stopping what she’s doing, getting eye level with her girl, and giving her a firm “no”. It will likely take several times but it needs to be done.

And soon, that child will recognize that Mommy and Daddy are the ones on whom they can depend to guide them.

My two year is gaining a vocabulary to express his wishes and frustrations. Even as he has learned to say “excuse me”, if someone “gets his spot” he is prone to scream angrily the words. It’s his nature and it’s my job to teach him a better way, to help him develop self-control.

It’s not that children don’t disobey or act disorderly or cause strife with siblings, or run in the house or any other behavior typical of children. But the commonality of it does NOT excuse our responsibility to mold their character, daily nurturing them toward becoming a person of integrity, discipling their hearts and leading them to the One who gives them the power to conquer the flesh.

And as we fulfill our responsibility, we too, are reminded and become more like Christ as He is made the center of our aim.

There is safety here, in the boundaries and the love that compels a parent to do the hard work of raising adults. It’s what we were made for, and no one else can do our job properly.

April 25, 2013 21 comments

large families motherhood/family/parenting pregnancy/birth control

We Couldn’t Afford Children…Glad We Didn’t Have To

by Kelly Crawford April 14, 2013

written by Kelly Crawford

Financial fears are the number one reason we’ve heard, and continue to hear (even from strangers), why having children at the rate the Lord gives them to us is a bad idea. It’s the number one reason I hear others giving for why they can’t/won’t have more children. Finances seem to rule us with fear and dominate our life decisions, regardless of what the Lord has reminded us about His ability to provide for those He loves.

I hesitated to write this post. I’m sure I’ll be misunderstood, but still, the nagging whisper, “tell how much the Lord has done for you” (Luke 8:39) compels me. And, it is all for naught unless it can be used to strengthen and encourage someone else.

The first of our struggle

It’s true. Early in our marriage we began struggling financially. Part of it was because we didn’t make much money. Add to that, I quit my job, cutting our already meager income by at least 35%. Then, when my husband became unexpectedly laid off, and began his own business for which we were ill-prepared, we made some knee-jerk, foolish decisions that increased our debts.

So there we were, living off too little, paying too much, and the Lord prompting us to give our child-bearing to Him. Dumb? It sure felt like it, even to us. Add the criticism of family and friends around us, and really, I still don’t know what gave us the tenacity to surrender. It was truly God’s hand that would not let us go. Looking back through Scripture, it’s amazing to see how many “dumb” things God has asked of His people. I think He really does delight to show His power through what looks like the impossible, if we’ll let Him.

There’s more…being laid off means no insurance. I still remember the “breaking point” for us. I was nursing a four-month-old baby, (typically a form of natural birth control). I can still remember a man–one who embraced the blessing of children–talking to my husband, learning we had no insurance and saying, “You better hope she’s not pregnant.” Turns out, I was.

I wrestled with God. I told Him He obviously did not know what He was doing and finally, I had proof. And He spoke back, actually through a radio program by Charles Stanley, I think, and though I don’t remember the message exactly, I remember tears streaming down my face, my feeling ashamed at my own lack of trust, and a relinquishing, that night, to whatever God had for me.

Long story short, my husband got another job, and in the mean time, insurance laws had changed to pick up a pregnancy, no longer regarding it as pre-existing. First important lesson learned.

But we continued to struggle. That is, we struggled to pay our bills, but our needs were always met. We never went without food, or heat or air or lights (and really, those are the extras). I can’t count the number of times an anonymous gift card showed up in our mail box, or an envelope with some cash, and one year, a mysterious phone call, directing us to a location where we found Christmas presents, carefully selected and wrapped for us. We never discovered the giver.

Do they really cost that much

The phenomenon is, as I think back over the years and calculate our living expenses, children really aren’t that expensive. That crazy number the media flashes to scare everyone out of having children is insane. Oh they’re expensive if you follow our consumer-crazed, recreation-obsessed culture and buy them all they want, give them all they want and carry them everywhere they want to go–if you live a child-centered life, yes they’ll drain you down to your last cent.

But to be a responsible adult raising kids? That’s not where most of our expense went. Regardless of the number, we still had to pay the power bill, the insurance, the taxes, the gas, etc. And as I’ve laid out in another post, larger families tend to live more frugally, often having an annual household expense quite less than the average family (bathing 3 kids at one time costs the same as 1). Diapers were always given to us in abundance as shower gifts (and cloth diapers remain a fantastic option), I nursed until they were eating regular food and they only eat a tiny more for several years. We always had more clothes than we could house–hand-me-downs or if not, consignment stores and thrift shops have brand new, cheap baby clothes…it’s really difficult to find where a new child adds very much, for a long time, to the family’s budget.

By the time they are more consuming, they can be more productive, paying for added expenses. (My daughter took a trip to NY this week because she had saved the money to do so. No biggie. She helps pay for gas to go to piano lessons and chips in on the family car’s insurance, and she paid for her on-line college course this year. She doesn’t drain us, she is an asset. Even the younger ones have earned money to help pay for things they want.) I have reflected much on what I know now is the blessing of not being able to buy everything we might have wanted for our children, because of the priceless gift it has taught them of the value of money and work, and being responsible for saving for things they want.

So I want to encourage someone who is leveraging a decision about children based on money…let it go. You’d be smarter to look into other areas of your life and decide what you can and can’t afford.

The irony of avoiding hardship

Humans avoid hardship as much as possible. And we are human and we didn’t like it. It wasn’t pleasant. And yet, it’s such an irony that the greatest lessons, the deepest character, the real molding of a person can really only come through hardship. We avoid what is usually very beneficial, often life-changing for us, skirting, perhaps, the very instrument God had designed to make us more like Him.

Financial hardship has given us the unique opportunity to depend on God in ways we couldn’t otherwise. I can’t teach my children that God really is able to provide our daily bread–I can’t learn it myself, unless we literally must pray for daily bread. We don’t recognize Him as much in plenty; it’s in lack that we really see Him.

“We can ignore even pleasure. But pain insists upon being attended to. God whispers to us in our pleasures, speaks in our conscience, but shouts in our pains: it is his megaphone to rouse a deaf world.” -C. S. Lewis

Lessons are learned but opportunities are born too. It’s similar to the adage, “Necessity is the mother of invention.” Our circumstances pushed us to find solutions. One of those was the beginning of this blog as a means to sell things our family made. I had NO idea what the Lord was doing leading me in that direction, but what an incredible blessing, in far more ways than financial ones, this on-line community has been to me!

The rest of the story

There were years of tears, years of wondering when or if God was ever going to reward my husband’s unbelievable hard work and faithfulness, though we had resigned that since much of our trouble was self-inflicted, we deserved the work of digging out. And digging out we did. Many of you have read my ebook (another blessing born from the adversity), Finding Financial Freedom, where I share all the many ways we cut our budget and the long hours of working to make ends meet. We had almost paid off our consumer debts ($38,000) after six or seven years of intense effort.

And many of you also know the rest of our story….that in April 2011, the largest, most horrific tornado–one of the worst our country has seen, plowed through our neighborhood destroying everything. And again, through the tragedy, God showered innumerable blessings on us and our community. In the end, we were able to build half of our home back, be rid of the money-pit of a mobile home that we owned (the storm took it too) and get a fresh start with our finances.

Half a house. Plenty to move into. And boy were we overwhelmed at that. Never did we think we could own the before-rented home, debt-free. And God showed up in ways that were incomprehensible.

“Now to him who is able to do far more abundantly than all that we ask or think, according to the power at work within us, to him be glory in the church and in Christ Jesus throughout all generations, forever and ever.” Eph. 3:21

But God wasn’t done. Two weeks ago, when we relived what seemed like another tornado tearing our upstairs apart, it turned out to be our roof and porch–traumatic enough having still been emotionally recovering and in the building phase for the last two years.

“Lord, why”, I asked. “I’m so tired, so scared and so ready to just live life again.”

And as my husband sat with me in the early morning hours, tears still brimming, he said, “God has a good plan.”

That plan, as it turns out, is that the insurance company paid enough for the damage to finish our house–another answer to prayer that we couldn’t see on our timeline!

The real point

But that’s not even the point of my story. The point is below, in these pictures. The faces of my precious children to whom we said “Yes”, when everything logical screamed, “No.” (And 2 more have been added since the original writing of this post.) The joys of my life, day after day, all of whom I could so easily have missed. The souls of those who love the Lord and will become a part of the throng in Heaven one day. People whom, I have no idea how God will use, but He has brought them here and He has taken care of them because He can afford it.

And through no glory of our own, but all to Him who IS able to do beyond what we can imagine, I give Him praise. He IS faithful, He CAN provide, He delights to work miracles and He never leaves us nor forsakes us.

And I want you to know that, wherever you are.

April 14, 2013 105 comments

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