Category:

pregnancy/birth control

The Cost of Raising Children

by Kelly Crawford August 18, 2013

written by Kelly Crawford

Nowadays, the cost of children is the forefront of family planning discussions. It’s all about “can we afford them?”

Interestingly, I don’t think folks talked much about affordability of children back in the day. Not even during the Depression when feeding a child could actually be a serious challenge.

And I only bring up the contrast to highlight the fact that the value of children has changed over the last several decades.

And because we don’t value human life the same, we’ve had to come up with good reasons to justify our decision to not have them. It makes me sad that we have come to measure life with a dollar sign, like another household commodity.

Which is why I so appreciated this light-hearted but serious look at the problem of measuring children by our pocket books, written by Brant Hansen. You’ll LOVE it. Or you’ll hate it.

“Thing is, my wife and I didn’t have the money, either. When we had our boy, Justice, I made $17,500. We rented a duplex, and drove two cars worth a combined – not making this up, this is what they sold for: $125. And this isn’t the 50’s. This is the 90s….”

Read the rest The Cost of Children

August 18, 2013 6 comments

My Wild, Unexpected (Natural) Delivery

by Kelly Crawford June 21, 2013

written by Kelly Crawford

Recently updated…

Welcome, Kaiden Jace Crawford!

I couldn’t have been less prepared for what happened today!

It was all so “according to plan” for a little while. I took castor oil this morning, 2 days after my official due date, after my dear friends convinced me. It was wonderful. Contractions started, with NO other side effects, within two hours.

But, as typical with all my other labors, it was slow. I labored from 7 a.m. until 3:50 p.m. with almost all contractions at 10 minutes apart. I didn’t want to get to the hospital and have to walk for hours like I’ve done many times.

Nevertheless, when the first ones jumped to 6 minutes apart, I decided we better go, just because I didn’t want to be too uncomfortable on the ride. We live an hour from the hospital.

Ten minutes from home, however, my water broke. All of a sudden, I jumped to transition, my contractions got crazy painful and started coming closer and closer together. I was so scared. My labor has never progressed that fast.

A few minutes after delivery--THAT is the look of sheer relief.

My husband, though calm, began driving 110 mph (I didn’t know this until later, thank goodness). About 20 minutes out, contractions were now back to back and I was starting to lose control. I told him we better pull over and call an ambulance. This was so not what I had in mind!

But we kept driving and he called the hospital to tell them to be waiting with a wheelchair. Aaron picked me up and put me in the chair and I started asking for an epidural (ha!). My one on-purpose natural delivery had been rather traumatic, and these labor pains were bringing it all back.

The nurses ran with me, got me on the bed (with me saying, “I don’t want to do this!”) and I gave birth in three minutes to our 10 lb. 3 oz. baby boy!

And boy is God good…the cord was around his neck BUT the doctor couldn’t pull it off; it was too tight. So it had to be clamped and cut it before I could finish delivery. Had we been in the car, Aaron wouldn’t have had the tools he needed. I’m so grateful for the Lord’s provision in allowing us to get here in time.

“Whew” is all I have to say right now! And thank you all so much for your prayers. We are all doing really well.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

ADDITION:

I meant to compare my now-two natural birth stories since my first one was traumatic for me in a different way. Thinking about yesterday’s experience, it’s hard to compare because I was completely unprepared for a natural delivery. It was truly the last thing I expected to happen and so the shock of it all took the forefront in my experience.

Transition was much faster than before so the 45 minutes in the car after my water broke was really the worst part. And I was SO scared of delivering in the car (I keep saying car but we were in my husband’s Ford F-150 truck–bouncing at break-neck speed). I think that fear may have distracted me some from the pain. All accompanied by the awful feeling of sitting in a pool of water, well, it wasn’t fun. (When my water broke Aaron said, “There are some napkins in the glove box.” I almost replied, “Yeah. That’s like handing me a paper towel to sop up the Nile.”)

By the way, our nine-year-old daughter, Avalee, was with us so she got a more exciting experience than any of us intended as well! She was a CHAMP.

Almost the whole L&D staff were waiting on the sidewalk, trying to guess, as each car drove up, if it was “the one.” They told me later how excited they all were for something different and that’s why so many of them came down.

I’m still laughing at myself for asking for an epidural while his head was crowned. I just did NOT want to push without it! At one point when I said, “I don’t want to do this!” for about the fourth time, Aaron sweetly grabbed my face and said, “Honey, listen to me…there’s no turning back. You can do this and you’re gonna do great.” That was when I finally resolved to push.

Pushing was bad, but admittedly not like my other experience. Aaron testified too, that he could tell it wasn’t as painful for me. I felt out of control, but the doctor and nurses assured me that I “did great” and was in more control than they expected given our circumstances.

I did experience, but to a lesser degree, the after-pain and inability to even focus on the fact that I had just given birth. I still prefer the calm (epidural) deliveries (it also helps prevents stitches in many cases) which have allowed me to completely focus on baby without any pain. But that’s my personal thing.

Aside from wanting so much to have my friend and Mom in the room during delivery, I can attest to the blessing of having everything over so quickly. God was so gracious to help us arrive in time and now, snuggling with my sweet new son, my heart is simply, peacefully, overwhelmed.

You guys are the BEST! I have so enjoyed reading your comments. I’m only sorry I can’t reply to them all. What fun to give birth and have such a huge cheering section here. I love you.

Oh, and how fun is this picture? The baby on the left is Kaid’s now-two-year-old brother Jax!

June 21, 2013 82 comments

political pregnancy/birth control

Do YOU Think Consistently? (Hypocrites and the Food Stamp Comment.)

by Kelly Crawford June 18, 2013

written by Kelly Crawford

I recently posted on Facebook, about an interaction I had:

“He says to me, ‘Well, if you can feed them without my tax $$ I guess it’s great if you want to have lots of kids.’ Me, thinking: ‘I appreciate your permission to reproduce on God’s timetable. We have never stolen your tax $ to feed our children. You, on the other hand, don’t mind stealing mine to educate your children. Somehow, I’m not allowed to bring that up though.’ *Inconsistency bugs me*

Because it does. I have much more respect for a person I may disagree with yet who thinks and behaves consistently.

Most of my readers know I’m not a fan of government subsidies, regardless of whether we’re talking post office or cell phones. Yes I understand the convoluted mess we’ve gotten ourselves into that makes these seem necessary. Yes I know people who have felt they had no other option and I don’t judge them. No I don’t agree with people who have children to get more food stamps. The conversation here isn’t about when, where how or if it’s right, so I’ll ask you to stick to the point if you want to comment. The point is the hypocrisy.

Some of the comments on my facebook status reflect the inconsistencies still deeper:

“If we are going to go there…..given the choice I’d rather use government money to feed my children than educate them…..

Doesn’t the assumption that large families are eating off the government just irk you? I cannot seem to understand why THAT of all things bothers people so much. In this country we now have government healthcare, subsidies for driving electric cars and installing energy efficient windows in our own homes. The government pays for education from preschool through high school and sometimes college. Not to mention after school programs, the school lunch programs, etc. There is unemployment “insurance” and bailouts of almost every industry. Investments–whether you’re rich or poor–are insured by our bankrupt government. The government subsidizes genetically modified corn, wheat, and soy, not mention dairy. We could go on and on. And we are going to fuss at anyone who has more than three children if they get food stamps? That’s just….crazy. It really is.” -Daja , The Provision Room

We. need. thinkers.

June 18, 2013 55 comments

motherhood/family/parenting pregnancy/birth control

Why Have Babies? By Candice Watters (Excellent Thoughts on Thinking Through Birth Control)

by Kelly Crawford May 28, 2013

written by Kelly Crawford

The article, “Why Have Babies” was so, so good. I guess all of us really love reading things we already know, embrace and believe, from others’ perspectives. Candice Watters, the founder of Boundless.org gives a refreshing reminder of WHY Christians should love and embrace children, and as I’ve said so many times before, understanding what our purpose is and why God gives us children in the first place, completely changes our understanding of life!

A few of my favorite thoughts:

“We live in a world where people take great pains and lots of pills to prevent babies when they don’t want them, and spare no expense to get them when they do. According to our culture, babies before you want them are an accident, mistake or crisis — a result of a birth control failure. And if you can’t have them naturally when you decide you’re ready, they’re treated like a commodity you have a right to buy, as long as you can afford the price tag.”

“But, Dr. Morken, we can’t afford them.”….”Babies are wealth,” he said. “Budget for everything but babies.”

“The control we think we have is an illusion….We stopped assuming our timeline was best; stopped basing our decision primarily on our comfort, ease and consumption patterns; and started asking God when He wanted us to start our family.”

Read all of Why Have Babies? You’ll be glad you did.

May 28, 2013 29 comments

abortion large families pregnancy/birth control

What to Expect When No One’s Expecting

by Kelly Crawford May 24, 2013

written by Kelly Crawford

In a culture that increasingly despises life and children, we hear myths about “overpopulation” and the heavy “liability” that children are, all intended to ease our consciences and justify our own wisdom, contrary to the Creator’s.

And like so many other things, we’re dead wrong, God is right, as always, and He promises one thing:

“Because I have called and you refused to listen, have stretched out my hand and no one has heeded, because you have ignored all my counsel and would have none of my reproof, I also will laugh at your calamity; I will mock when terror strikes you…” Proverbs 1:24-26

It’s not speculation, but fact, as already seen in other countries, that our rejection of life as a society is going to have serious consequences. Ironically, those who will feel it the most are those who are most anti-child, depending on the government (retirement) to “be there” for them in their elderly years, most of whom will have few or no progeny to care for them, or their progeny will be too busy pursing their dreams, having been brought up without the sense of responsibility for caring for others.

This is a short, excellent clip explaining why:

If you have trouble viewing the video, try this link: What to Expect When No One’s Expecting

May 24, 2013 23 comments

abortion christian living pregnancy/birth control

Abortion and the Schizophrenic Rule-Makers We Are

by Kelly Crawford May 14, 2013

written by Kelly Crawford

I won’t expound here, as most of you already understand the tragic absurdity in the Gosnell trial, the abortion doctor found guilty of killing babies.

Did you get that? I could stop there and the point would be made.

Taking a life is wrong. It doesn’t matter how scared the woman who is growing a person is, or how poor, or how anything, she simply can’t be given the right to decide if another innocent person deserves to live or die–no one should have that right. Because just as in this case, the slope gets very slippery and your life or mine could end up being weighed in the schizophrenic balance, according to circumstance instead of value, by someone else some day.

It all started with circumstance vs. value, didn’t it? The value of life began to wane when circumstance made it desirable to avoid it and technology made it easy. But then, if you really, really wanted to avoid making a life, and life appeared anyway, then what? It was the first stepping stone to “taking care of things” after the fact if it didn’t work before.

We’ve tried to make the rules and we’ve made a huge mess. Why? Because “the heart is deceitfully wicked.” No sadness of plight should sway our belief in right and wrong. We need a mooring, an immovable standard. We have one, but have forsaken it.

The lines get blurred and we can’t even make sense of it anymore. What is murder? What is a woman’s choice? Why are they not called the same? Is it measured by bloodshed? A tidy abortion just doesn’t offend us the same as a messy one. Geography? Outside or inside the womb? Where is the line? Either way, a baby dies. Why is Dr. Gosnell guilty while thousands go free?

“The law of the Lord is perfect, restoring the soul.” Psalm 19:7

“Woe to those who call evil good, and good evil.” Isaiah 5:20

“Hear, O my people, and I will testify unto thee: O Israel, if thou wilt hearken unto me; But my people would not hearken to my voice; and Israel would none of me. So I gave them up unto their own hearts’ lust: and they walked in their own counsels.” Psalm 81:8, 11-12

May 14, 2013 13 comments

abortion pregnancy/birth control

On Mother’s Day, Abortion, & the Church’s Part

by Kelly Crawford May 8, 2013

written by Kelly Crawford

This approaching Mother’s Day has brought about such mixed emotions. I read, with belly full of squirming life, the horrific details of the Gosnell trial in front of us, and am painfully aware that the abortion industry knows no bounds, and is becoming a bloodier and more murderous force, cloaking its audacity with “compassion for women”, all the while slaughtering them.

I’m also aware of how absurd and inconsistent we are. What Gosnell did was heinous; but no more heinous than if he had killed those babies just minutes before, right before they emerged from their mother’s womb (which happens every day), when he would have been protected, instead of on trial for murder, by the Supreme Court who deems it constitutional to kill a baby as long as there isn’t too much blood, apparently.

Motherhood is viewed by some to be so repulsive, they are willing to kill to avoid it. And once killing a baby is a protected option, all children must suffer the devaluation of their existence. As Rachel Jankovic so aptly put it:

“Abortion in our country is not a standalone moment, brought about by women who somehow haven’t heard of adoption. Abortion is that dark crisis choice served up to millions of women every year, courtesy of our cultural religion of self-fulfillment. It is the bloody path taken by many women who feel that they really “had no choice” (at least if they were going to finish law school, if they were going to have a career, if they were going to be slim in their bikinis in time for Spring Break). Everyone acts like abortion is a sad thing, but a necessity. But the truth is that abortion is the sacrifice that our religion of selfishness requires.” The Real Life of the Pro-Life Home

What Can We Do

We all want to do something. Some picket the sidewalks and beg women to spare their babies, praying that God’s grace would intervene in the last moment. We all need to be a voice.

And yet the jaws of this deadly monster seem too fierce to combat.

I’ll tell you what we can do, before we start picketing…we can repent, as the Body of Christ, for feeding the abortion industry, by lying to families about what God says about children and perpetuating the fear and stigma of pregnancy outside a “perfect” situation.

Pastors can repent for not honestly transferring the Word of God to their congregations about children and what they’re for and how we are to think about them.

We can repent for not living out, in front of the world, the living gospel, which includes the embracing of the blessing and purpose of children.

We can repent for saying we are “pro-life” but not fully living it. For mocking mothers with more than three children or ignoring her needs, treating her as irresponsible, which is to play our part in the death culture.

We can repent for killing our own babies through abortifacient means like the pill and IUD, before we claim to be bothered by Dr. Gosnell’s crimes.

We can repent for thinking, and making others think, that we have absolute control over life and have a right, a responsibility even, for the most temporal of reasons, to refuse to welcome children and worse, chide others who don’t do the same.

We can repent for coddling the children we do have, treating them as trophies rather than the steward-gifts from God that they are, given to us for HIS glory and purpose.

Christians can stop being hypocrites and start being consistent in their theology about life. We are pro-every-life, or we are not really pro-life. That’s what we can do.

Right now, in our culture, in our time, there is something uniquely potent about mothers sacrificing for their children. As we lay down our lives for them, presenting ourselves to God as a living sacrifice, that sacrifice makes an aroma. That sacrifice directly contradicts and blasphemes everything the world is fighting for. As you care for your children, on the long days and tired moments, disciplining yourself, sacrificing yourself for them, you are reaching out to the world. When you present yourself as a living sacrifice, the aroma of that sacrifice cannot be contained. We do not turn inwards towards our children and towards our homes because we do not care about the world. We turn inwards because the world needs to smell this sacrifice….

Motherhood is the big-leagues of self-sacrifice. Millions of women kill to avoid it. In our culture of self-gratification, to embrace selfless motherhood is a revolutionary act. To see the sacrifice and rejoice in it. To recognize that the cost is your own life, and to willingly lay yourself down. The world hates the smell of that sacrifice, because it is the smell of grace. They hate it because it is the smell of something living and burning at the same time — something that is impossible without a risen Savior.

There are times to stand on sidewalks and hold signs, but holding a sign isn’t what makes a mother pro-life. Being pro-life means putting the life of another ahead of your own. It means being daily grace to the small souls nearest to you.” The Real Life of the Pro-Life Home, Rachel Jankovic

Purpose of Children

And it’s not just our negative attitudes toward children that are wrong, but also our lack of understanding the grand purpose of their role in the Kingdom. If we acknowledged God’s purpose for children, our entire paradigm would shift.

Doug Wilson (Rachel’s father) says it perfectly in Raising Arrow Children:

“Like arrows in the hands of a mighty warrior…Blessed was the man who had sons who stand with him in a crucial showdown at the city council. They were shoulder to shoulder behind him, and not over on the other side. Neither were they all at home playing video games or out back smoking in the alley….The patter of little feet around the house is a blessing of God, one that we know by natural revelation. But the promise of formidable children is a promise given to us by special revelation….Acorns are cute, but sprawling oaks weathering a storm are glorious. And when we focus on the real blessing of “adorable” children, this can be the cause of mission drift.”

They are a precious gift to us, but our happiness and fuzzy feelings are not the reason we’re given children. Their purpose is not to win beauty pageants or become the best athlete so we can brag on Facebook about them. Their purpose is to “contend with the enemies”. To be raised as mighty warriors, strong, competent, wise and bold. To further the gospel, to stand for truth, to increase the army of God and to glorify Him in all the earth.

And that takes a committed, deliberate, costly focus.

We will never see the atrocities of abortion begin to wane until His own people become truly pro-life and know their reason for being so.

May 8, 2013 58 comments

motherhood/family/parenting pregnancy/birth control

The Real Reason I Have So Many Children

by Kelly Crawford May 4, 2013

written by Kelly Crawford

It does happen. About my 8th month of pregnancy, when ligament pains have me doubled over or I realize what a chore it is to walk to the bathroom. And then again, right after the baby is born, and I feel so LIGHT, and I can walk, and the birds are singing and the sun is shining and I’m ready to get back into shape and feel normal.

The thought comes….”I don’t know if I want to do this again. I’ve put my motherhood time in, right? I mean I have a house full already! It wouldn’t be wrong to just…stop, would it?”

It may not be. I don’t know the answer to that question. But I do know the answer that comes back to me every time:

“God is intricately working out the details of our lives, governing every step, hand-crafting every life. And this life is about glorifying Him. And…there’s more to this life, to my life. The lives He gives me are eternal. And, I don’t “choose to have babies.” No one can. I can only choose not to. Do I want to be the clay in the Potter’s hand, and see what He has in mind for His final masterpiece? Or do I want to sling myself off the wheel because I’m a little dizzy just now?”

That’s the answer I get; what He says to ME. That I CAN technically stop my next child from being born, and that may be OK. Or it may not be…I don’t think it’s always black and white. I do know that “it is He who has made us, and not we ourselves.” That pregnancy isn’t like sickness, something I think we are freely allowed to try to avert. That people are all that matter to Him compared to things and jobs and vacations…and even my temporary comfort.

But what if that one that I didn’t accept–what if he or she had a particularly crucial role in the life of another? (And don’t we all?) What if he or she would give birth to someone who had a critical role in the life of another?

It starts to sound like a fun premise for a science-fiction movie; one little move in history changes everything. But couldn’t it?

Are you the child of a woman who was the child of a fifth-born? Changed your life. Well, brought it into its very existence. It blows my mind. And THAT is why I don’t want to hinder what belongs to the Lord. Many things He gives me to choose; but I don’t feel qualified in the life-department. It just feels too big for me.

Does it make you think?

Jonathan Edwards–5th of eleven children

Benjamin Franklin–15th of 17 children (Let that one sink in!!!)

Napoleon Bonaparte–4th of 10 children

George Washington–5th of 10 children

John Wesley–15th of 19 children (Susanna, mother, 25th child)

Johann Sebastian Bach–8th of 8

Sylvanus Crosby (grandfather of Fanny Crosby)–19th of 19

Celine Dion–14th of 14 children

May 4, 2013 101 comments

motherhood/family/parenting pregnancy/birth control

Motherhood, Humility and Empty Vessels

by Kelly Crawford April 27, 2013

written by Kelly Crawford

It’s the ~~one and only~~ two preggo pictures for this, my 10th baby. You know you gotta have one. When I say “tenth baby” it’s so hard for me to believe I have ten children. I’m glad and thankful, just surprised and never imagined it for my life. It doesn’t feel like it sounds, apparently. Because when I’m out by myself and someone asks me “is this your first baby” and I say “no”, and then it’s inevitable that I must answer the hyper-ventilating-invoking question, the response feels more dramatic than my life feels.

I understand the surprise, that ten children is not exactly common. But compared with my actual life, we’re just a regular family who drives a small bus. And shares clothes. And hugs more than the average times per day. And doesn’t stress anymore about germs. And, oddly enough, is more excited at the announcement of a new baby than just about anything else on earth. And shares the housework so that really, everybody probably does less work than normal. And has to take turns talking or it can get a little out of hand at the dinner table.

I decided to take another one that showed my belly better 😉

But other than that, I don’t feel different until we all go out in public.

Mostly, at this stage in my life, I’m humbled more than ever. And where I’m not, I’m praying to be. Andrew Murray said, in his book our family is reading again–Humility:

“True humility comes when before God we see ourselves as nothing, have put aside self, and let God be all. The soul that has done this, and can say, ‘I have lost myself in finding You,’ no longer compares itself with others.”

I think a lot about how motherhood can be so “emptying” and how maybe that’s why our culture has become a consistent enemy of motherhood, at least of the motherhood that would threaten to empty us. As my husband read that sentence, I thought of how contrary it is to every message around us–even to our own flesh, and why then, there is such a gulf between what God has said is “right and good” and what everything else poses as “right and good.”

Pregnancy (since I’m here in this time of reflection) is, literally speaking, a body who “empties” part of itself to contain another human being. It’s a perfect picture of a “life-giving vessel”, emptied so it can be filled.

And so it is with us in spirit. God can only fill an empty vessel, a surrendered heart. And then, the miracle of that filling! It is only when we can reach our hands to Heaven and say with Christ, “Not my will, but Thine be done”, that we can walk in perfect peace, knowing He truly orders our steps.

So when another person says to me, “pregnancy is just so hard on your body”, intending to persuade me that I’ve “done” a silly thing by carrying another person, I can exhale with a calm knowing of the greater rewards of being emptied. I’ve had similar, encouraging epiphanies about motherhood and broken vessels. When my back hurts and round ligament pain makes me wince, I tell my children, I did it for you and it was so worth it. I don’t want pain to always be associated with something to be avoided.

Today is the anniversary of the tornado that ripped away all our earthly things. Emptying. Painful. And I can truly say I’m grateful for that life-changing event. It has helped me empty my hands of the more meaningless things in life (although I’m still working on it), to be able to hold what is most dear. I whisper a word of praise to the Father for that too, His perfect will. As a side note, I looked at some of those posts and re-read your comments the other day. Tears just streamed down my face–I probably wasn’t completely cognizant the first time I read them–and they were SUCH a huge blessing to me, two years later, as I reflected on your love and God’s goodness to put things in our lives in order to reveal such love. Thank you again.

April 27, 2013 52 comments

large families motherhood/family/parenting pregnancy/birth control

We Couldn’t Afford Children…Glad We Didn’t Have To

by Kelly Crawford April 14, 2013

written by Kelly Crawford

Financial fears are the number one reason we’ve heard, and continue to hear (even from strangers), why having children at the rate the Lord gives them to us is a bad idea. It’s the number one reason I hear others giving for why they can’t/won’t have more children. Finances seem to rule us with fear and dominate our life decisions, regardless of what the Lord has reminded us about His ability to provide for those He loves.

I hesitated to write this post. I’m sure I’ll be misunderstood, but still, the nagging whisper, “tell how much the Lord has done for you” (Luke 8:39) compels me. And, it is all for naught unless it can be used to strengthen and encourage someone else.

The first of our struggle

It’s true. Early in our marriage we began struggling financially. Part of it was because we didn’t make much money. Add to that, I quit my job, cutting our already meager income by at least 35%. Then, when my husband became unexpectedly laid off, and began his own business for which we were ill-prepared, we made some knee-jerk, foolish decisions that increased our debts.

So there we were, living off too little, paying too much, and the Lord prompting us to give our child-bearing to Him. Dumb? It sure felt like it, even to us. Add the criticism of family and friends around us, and really, I still don’t know what gave us the tenacity to surrender. It was truly God’s hand that would not let us go. Looking back through Scripture, it’s amazing to see how many “dumb” things God has asked of His people. I think He really does delight to show His power through what looks like the impossible, if we’ll let Him.

There’s more…being laid off means no insurance. I still remember the “breaking point” for us. I was nursing a four-month-old baby, (typically a form of natural birth control). I can still remember a man–one who embraced the blessing of children–talking to my husband, learning we had no insurance and saying, “You better hope she’s not pregnant.” Turns out, I was.

I wrestled with God. I told Him He obviously did not know what He was doing and finally, I had proof. And He spoke back, actually through a radio program by Charles Stanley, I think, and though I don’t remember the message exactly, I remember tears streaming down my face, my feeling ashamed at my own lack of trust, and a relinquishing, that night, to whatever God had for me.

Long story short, my husband got another job, and in the mean time, insurance laws had changed to pick up a pregnancy, no longer regarding it as pre-existing. First important lesson learned.

But we continued to struggle. That is, we struggled to pay our bills, but our needs were always met. We never went without food, or heat or air or lights (and really, those are the extras). I can’t count the number of times an anonymous gift card showed up in our mail box, or an envelope with some cash, and one year, a mysterious phone call, directing us to a location where we found Christmas presents, carefully selected and wrapped for us. We never discovered the giver.

Do they really cost that much

The phenomenon is, as I think back over the years and calculate our living expenses, children really aren’t that expensive. That crazy number the media flashes to scare everyone out of having children is insane. Oh they’re expensive if you follow our consumer-crazed, recreation-obsessed culture and buy them all they want, give them all they want and carry them everywhere they want to go–if you live a child-centered life, yes they’ll drain you down to your last cent.

But to be a responsible adult raising kids? That’s not where most of our expense went. Regardless of the number, we still had to pay the power bill, the insurance, the taxes, the gas, etc. And as I’ve laid out in another post, larger families tend to live more frugally, often having an annual household expense quite less than the average family (bathing 3 kids at one time costs the same as 1). Diapers were always given to us in abundance as shower gifts (and cloth diapers remain a fantastic option), I nursed until they were eating regular food and they only eat a tiny more for several years. We always had more clothes than we could house–hand-me-downs or if not, consignment stores and thrift shops have brand new, cheap baby clothes…it’s really difficult to find where a new child adds very much, for a long time, to the family’s budget.

By the time they are more consuming, they can be more productive, paying for added expenses. (My daughter took a trip to NY this week because she had saved the money to do so. No biggie. She helps pay for gas to go to piano lessons and chips in on the family car’s insurance, and she paid for her on-line college course this year. She doesn’t drain us, she is an asset. Even the younger ones have earned money to help pay for things they want.) I have reflected much on what I know now is the blessing of not being able to buy everything we might have wanted for our children, because of the priceless gift it has taught them of the value of money and work, and being responsible for saving for things they want.

So I want to encourage someone who is leveraging a decision about children based on money…let it go. You’d be smarter to look into other areas of your life and decide what you can and can’t afford.

The irony of avoiding hardship

Humans avoid hardship as much as possible. And we are human and we didn’t like it. It wasn’t pleasant. And yet, it’s such an irony that the greatest lessons, the deepest character, the real molding of a person can really only come through hardship. We avoid what is usually very beneficial, often life-changing for us, skirting, perhaps, the very instrument God had designed to make us more like Him.

Financial hardship has given us the unique opportunity to depend on God in ways we couldn’t otherwise. I can’t teach my children that God really is able to provide our daily bread–I can’t learn it myself, unless we literally must pray for daily bread. We don’t recognize Him as much in plenty; it’s in lack that we really see Him.

“We can ignore even pleasure. But pain insists upon being attended to. God whispers to us in our pleasures, speaks in our conscience, but shouts in our pains: it is his megaphone to rouse a deaf world.” -C. S. Lewis

Lessons are learned but opportunities are born too. It’s similar to the adage, “Necessity is the mother of invention.” Our circumstances pushed us to find solutions. One of those was the beginning of this blog as a means to sell things our family made. I had NO idea what the Lord was doing leading me in that direction, but what an incredible blessing, in far more ways than financial ones, this on-line community has been to me!

The rest of the story

There were years of tears, years of wondering when or if God was ever going to reward my husband’s unbelievable hard work and faithfulness, though we had resigned that since much of our trouble was self-inflicted, we deserved the work of digging out. And digging out we did. Many of you have read my ebook (another blessing born from the adversity), Finding Financial Freedom, where I share all the many ways we cut our budget and the long hours of working to make ends meet. We had almost paid off our consumer debts ($38,000) after six or seven years of intense effort.

And many of you also know the rest of our story….that in April 2011, the largest, most horrific tornado–one of the worst our country has seen, plowed through our neighborhood destroying everything. And again, through the tragedy, God showered innumerable blessings on us and our community. In the end, we were able to build half of our home back, be rid of the money-pit of a mobile home that we owned (the storm took it too) and get a fresh start with our finances.

Half a house. Plenty to move into. And boy were we overwhelmed at that. Never did we think we could own the before-rented home, debt-free. And God showed up in ways that were incomprehensible.

“Now to him who is able to do far more abundantly than all that we ask or think, according to the power at work within us, to him be glory in the church and in Christ Jesus throughout all generations, forever and ever.” Eph. 3:21

But God wasn’t done. Two weeks ago, when we relived what seemed like another tornado tearing our upstairs apart, it turned out to be our roof and porch–traumatic enough having still been emotionally recovering and in the building phase for the last two years.

“Lord, why”, I asked. “I’m so tired, so scared and so ready to just live life again.”

And as my husband sat with me in the early morning hours, tears still brimming, he said, “God has a good plan.”

That plan, as it turns out, is that the insurance company paid enough for the damage to finish our house–another answer to prayer that we couldn’t see on our timeline!

The real point

But that’s not even the point of my story. The point is below, in these pictures. The faces of my precious children to whom we said “Yes”, when everything logical screamed, “No.” (And 2 more have been added since the original writing of this post.) The joys of my life, day after day, all of whom I could so easily have missed. The souls of those who love the Lord and will become a part of the throng in Heaven one day. People whom, I have no idea how God will use, but He has brought them here and He has taken care of them because He can afford it.

And through no glory of our own, but all to Him who IS able to do beyond what we can imagine, I give Him praise. He IS faithful, He CAN provide, He delights to work miracles and He never leaves us nor forsakes us.

And I want you to know that, wherever you are.

April 14, 2013 104 comments

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