christian living

We joke about it, comment about it and pat ourselves on the back about not being as bad as the next guy about it. But we all know the truth: technology rules us.

The devices meant to be accessories to our lives, to assist us, have become tyrants of our time and worse, of our real relationships.

We are pulled by our ringing phones, the text message alert, the Facebook comment alert and the bizarre twist of irony that somehow, if we look up for too long and gaze into our real lives, we’ll miss something important.

I say it’s time to stop talking about how much time everyone spends with their favorite brand of social media and make serious resolutions to change it.

Because the real people right in front of us–we’re missing them. Don’t get me wrong: I’m so thankful for the ability to shoot an email to a friend to check on her, or the way it’s so easy to reach someone when we need them. I’m thankful for the opportunity to meet people and be involved in a ministry where women can teach and encourage other women. And for the ability to run a (kind-of) business from home, on my own time, with far less demands than most jobs. I’m not talking about throwing it all away, simply putting it back in the place it belongs–a help to us to enhance our lives, and not an addiction.

The biggest problem our technology causes us is the false sense of being always available. I say “false” because in reality, we are NOT available to every person 24 hours a day. Each one calling or emailing or texting may think we are, but when 15 different people “out there” are expecting that we drop the people here to answer them immediately, our families quickly stand in danger of being neglected.

The answer is to hold the phone, the computer, the I-pad at a distance, make people aware of that distance and then create the needed parameters to enforce the distance.

What I mean is, people need to know that you may or may not answer your phone if they call. And it may be that you can turn the ringer off or not keep it on your person to resist the temptation. Creating boundaries and refusing to let the outside barge in at any time is crucial.

One thing that has helped me is to simply not own a device that I keep with me. My daughter who drives and I have a phone we take if we go somewhere, and then it’s put away at home.

We own two lap tops. Both are kept stationary in the living area to keep all members using it accountable. The fabulous thing about them is that we can walk away. And once we do, we are completely disconnected. I have to make a conscious decision to go and open a facebook tab and check it. I’m not aware every time someone posts or comments.

I still struggle with self-control and getting on the computer too often. It pulls me. I want to check things. But I’m resolving to create more limitations and be more deliberate about living this life in front of me.

Let’s be fully here. Eyes open, ears attentive, face available and attention undivided.

Are you with me?

I want to live on purpose, seeing past the faces of people scurrying by, forgiving the rude gesture, and assuming that maybe, just maybe, there is deep pain in someone’s life. Perhaps I could smile intentionally, sincerely, pay a compliment or just do something kind to bring a small joy to someone’s day.

A few months ago I took one of my daughters out for lunch. A man sat at the table next to us. Normal looking guy, ate a sandwich, read the paper, checked his phone, looked out the window. He commented about my baby, I said “thank you”, and we were getting ready to leave.

And then I saw it. Something in his face. I felt it.

“Are you OK?” (I never ask strangers that kind of question.)

He stared at me, then his eyes filled with tears, and he slowly–almost disbelievingly–shook his head no.

I asked him if I could pray for him and he shared with me, reluctantly at first, and then a bit more about his family. A pending divorce, attorneys, a custody battle–his whole world was crumbling.

He told me when we left, “I want to thank you for taking the time to stop and care and talk. I was feeling very helpless today and you brought hope.”

That’s not a story about my good deed. It’s a story about my regrets. This was a rare day. How many times have I not lived, not looked on purpose?

There are broken and hurting people everywhere. We must be about living a life of purpose to find them and reach out a hand to them.

It’s how Jesus lived. No formal ministry, no foreign mission field, just open eyes as he walked through life.

My first resolution for the new year–to live more purposefully, to love more sincerely.

There’s a funny skit we ran across from an old MadTV episode. It’s classic and my husband uses it on me now. If you want the reference, watch Stop It.

No, he’s not heartless. He only yells “Stop it!” at me when we are playing and I reciprocate the joke at the right time.

But I’ve begun to realize the power of using the “therapy” on myself, especially when it comes to my thoughts and words.

I’m an introvert, a thinker, an analyzer, a dreamer; and while those can be fun and meaningful things, they have the potential to be destructive. Fear, worry and obsession can partner with those traits and it can be so easy to feed them.

Something important you I need to know: our thoughts lead to words and our words strengthen our thoughts.

I’ll let that sink in for a minute.

A thinking person and a wordy person has phenomenal potential or a crippling combination. But remembering the simple truth above can quite truly change your life.

Because here it is: when my thoughts begin to take a downward spiral into fear, anxiety or defeat, I have a choice to STOP IT.

As a practical example (and I challenge you to try this yourself), when I feel overwhelmed in my responsibilities as a mother and wife, I tend to think it, then I verbalize it. That’s what women do, right? I might verbalize it to myself, my husband, and then a couple of friends. The more I say it, the easier it is to say. But, the easier it is too, to feel overwhelmed.

Don’t underestimate the power of suggestion!

Conversely, if I think I feel overwhelmed, I can trick myself. I can say, out loud, “I can do this” or a number of other counter things. It helps to be specific (“OK, the first thing I’ll do is ____, and there is no reason to hurry, I am in control of this situation”, etc.).

And then verbalizing it to others not only confirms it in our minds, it builds their confidence in us, they treat us with said confidence, and the snowball effect goes in a positive direction.

There is no boasting involved; in fact, this “trick” can be a real tool to encourage others.

I find that quoting Scripture out loud and repeating biblical truth is the very best way to combat wrong thoughts. Because the words strengthen the thoughts. God’s Word, then, is the best way to change what I’m thinking. As I share with others my strength in the Lord, they are built up and we encourage one another.

And before long, when my words change, my thoughts change, then my words change…..and my life is changed.

“…by the renewing of your mind…”

(There is a disclaimer to this post: I don’t want anyone to read this and confuse what is being said with the idea that a woman must suffer in an abusive marriage in order to be surrendered to God. The reference here to an alternate message where feelings are paramount is changing the truth of God’s Word in order to excuse sin. That has nothing to do with suffering in an abusive marriage because one feels like she would be indulging her feelings to call it out or leave. That is a completely different issue.)

That’s right.  I am a slave.  I was purchased and now I no longer belong to myself, but to the One whose blood bought me.

And that changes everything.

Yelling in our ears–and from our own hearts, even, is the message “It’s about you! What feels right?  What sounds right? Just follow your heart!”

Which is to be expected outside of Christ.  But if you claim to be a Christian?

It’s not about you. It’s about a life sold out to Him–absolute surrender to the One who owns me is to be my sole concern.

Or He doesn’t own me.

The funny thing is, we don’t even realize we’re clasping the “me message” so tightly, but we know how we want to feel and what we want to do and if those needs aren’t being met by what we’ve learned about God…

we change Him.

But never ourselves.

He will not be changed.

Paul and the disciples of Christ understood one thing:  they were not their own and whatever that meant for their lives–comfort or dejection, gain or loss, fame or persecution–it was of no matter to them.  They didn’t try to fit their perception of who God is into a box that would make life “work” for them, or fulfill their emotional needs.

If Paul could hear the sniveling of our current Christianity:

“But if I believe that about God it makes me feel bad and I can’t serve a God like that.”

Most of us wouldn’t stand two minutes in the shoes of those Christians who were cast out, hated, tortured and martyred for their faith.

“Woe to him who strives with him who formed him, a pot among earthen pots! Does the clay say to him who forms it, ‘What are you making?’ “

As purchased property, all that I am and all that I do and all that I believe is no longer my own.  Any agenda outside of serving the One who paid for me is the wrong agenda.  Self-fulfillment must die.

Hard to hear?  Oh my, yes.

And our Lord knew that.  And that’s why “many heard and walked away.”

And that’s why, “Many will say in that day, ‘Lord, Lord’…and I will say to them, ‘Depart from me, I never knew you’.”

And that’s why “narrow is the way and few there be that find it.”

And that’s why, “the world will hate you, but remember, it hated Me first.”

The only true fulfillment now is that which is found in losing my life.

To a true follower of Christ, this realization is the sweetest thought that ever entered the mind–a free-fall back into the arms of grace, completely trusting my life into His hands, the One who formed me and knows what is best for me.

To the impostor, it is repulsive.

And the greatest of ironies comes rushing in:

“If the Son has set you free (i.e. you have become My bond-servant), you are FREE indeed!”

If you could choose one subject as “the most important one”, what would it be?

Too often, we let popular opinion dictate our direction. With all the emphasis on academics, the tests, the curriculum, I wonder if Christian parents have stopped to remember THE most important thing we have been given to teach our children?

And it is:

THEOLOGY.

Sound stiff and stifled? Theology is simply, “the study of God.” If that isn’t our very starting point, I question if we are really authentic.

C.S. Lewis said,

“The­ol­ogy is prac­ti­cal: espe­cially now…Every­one reads, every­one hears things dis­cussed. Con­se­quently, if you do not lis­ten to The­ol­ogy, that will not mean that you have no ideas about God. It will mean that you have a lot of wrong ones.”

Are we actively, fervently teaching our children right doctrine, right theology? Because if we get that wrong, we set their lives in the wrong direction. I can’t help but feel that modern Christianity is sorely lacking the intentional teaching of theology. We’ve settled for a shallow, trivial feel-good Christianity that doesn’t require any searching further into the character of the One who has redeemed us.

He is deep and wide and why wouldn’t we want to know, with all our hearts, His thoughts, His desires for us, His will?

“What you believe about God changes everything. It affects how you love, work, live, marry, parent, evangelize, purchase, and worship.” -Justin Holcomb, Why Theology Matters

Dear Mom, as you are with your littles throughout the day, remember, you are teaching, training and living out Christ all the time. Your theology matters because it will likely become theirs. If we must become, all over again, students of the Word, so be it. But let us pursue, with reckless abandon, to know the One for whom we were created, so that His purpose and design will permeate every decision we make.

And let it be so for our children, the godly hope of our future.